12 Magic Phrases To Say To The Person You Love Way More Often
Paralisart | Shutterstock We all need to feel loved by our partners in ways that go beyond words. But that doesn't mean words are useless. In fact, there are things your partner needs to hear you say on a consistent basis. Some of these things they know about (and may even ask for) and some they don't. So if you want your partner to feel deeply connected, try saying these phrases to the person you love way more often and see how they react.
Communication is key in intimate relationships, and it helps to be intentional about telling your partner what they need to hear from you. So, focus on bringing these phrases into your relationship and watch as your partner opens up like they never have before.
Here are 12 magic phrases to say to the person you love way more often
1. 'I want to make life easier for you'
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Relationships thrive best when two independent, emotionally stable people decide they want to help each other live the most fulfilling lives possible. This is called interdependence, which is a healthy balance of autonomy and dependence upon one another.
One way to communicate your willingness to help is by saying any variation of, "I want to make your life easier." It could be something like, "I want to help you in any way that I can," "Please don't hesitate to let me know if you feel like I could make your life easier in any way," or, "Is there anything I could do today that would take some pressure off of you?"
Even something as simple as picking up their dry cleaning could have a measurable impact on their stress level on a certain day. The task is to keep your ears out for things you can do to help them. That doesn't mean you need to take on their responsibilities or moods as your own, but being willing to help them out (and communicating that mindset) is always appreciated.
2. 'I'd love to take you out on a date'
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Just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you get to stop dating them. Whether it's pre-planned or a surprise, taking your partner out on dates will keep your connection growing over time.
Not sure what to do on your night out? Think about what your partner loves. Do they like surprises? Plan it and make it a fun surprise for them. If not, come up with a list of ideas and make a plan together.
It's always fun to try something new or an activity date like bowling, rock climbing, or a cooking class. If you want something a bit more romantic and intimate, turn off your phones, remove any technology from your evening, light some candles, and have dedicated connection time alone together.
Whether you want to be intimate or just want to discuss your lives, ambitions, and relationship, actively dating your partner will make them feel loved and appreciated.
3. 'I love having you around'
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Many people assume that just because they are in a relationship with someone, their partner knows they enjoy their company. And, sure, they probably did when you first started dating and during that blissful honeymoon phase where you cannot stop smiling. But after a few years, everyone needs a little reminding.
Saying something like, "I love having you around," followed by a heartfelt compliment like, "Just seeing your beautiful face makes my heart warm," can go a long way. Not only are you reminding your partner how special they are, you're also reminding yourself that you are lucky to have someone so wonderful in your life.
While it may seem obvious that women like compliments, don't forget, men like to hear meaningful compliments, too! So try it out. Your partner might respond better than you thought possible.
4. 'Tell me about your day'
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One cornerstone of communication is the daily catch-up after a long day at work or running around doing errands. Asking your partner about their day often falls to the wayside, as we tend to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our everyday schedules. Still, it means so much to make a point of connecting.
Simply ask, "How was your day?" and then listen all the way through. Listen attentively, give positive reinforcement ("That's so great that you finished that project on time" or "I'm so glad you got to talk to your dad today, how was he?"), and help them solve their problems if they ask you to.
If they answer with a one-word answer like, "good" or "normal", ask some follow-ups, like, "What did you have for lunch?" or "How was your boss today?" These follow-ups mean almost as much as your initial interest, showing you're not asking solely out of habit.
5. 'You bring so much goodness to my life'
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Presumably, you're in a relationship with your partner because you like them and they bring value to your life in some way. So tell them about it!
A basic script could play out like this:
- "Because you're so (character trait), I constantly feel (what you feel) in our relationship. And I thank you for that."
- "Because you're so generous with your loving energy, I constantly feel taken care of and loved in our relationship."
- "Because you're so driven and hard-working, I constantly feel pushed forward and motivated in my own life."
If what they bring to your life isn't immediately apparent, take the time to write down a few ideas, and then commit to telling them about what you came up with. Your partner deserves to know how much you appreciate them.
6. 'I support you and your decisions'
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Your partner wants to feel like you're on their side, at least the majority of the time. That means expressing in words how you're their number one fan and biggest supporter, not just assuming they know. After all, research shows that communicating well not only improves happiness within the relationship, but also within the individual.
That doesn't mean you become a "yes man" (or woman). You should still express a different opinion, when it's important. But sprinkling hints of, "You were right/allowed to do that/totally in the right in that situation," throughout your conversations shows them that you're on their team.
For example, if they say, "I felt like I had been good all week so I had a cupcake with lunch," you reply with, "Good for you. You could have had 10 if you wanted." Those little things go a long way in showing you are on their side and support their decisions.
7. 'You are so incredibly attractive'
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In a great relationship, you find your partner attractive on multiple levels. No matter how long you have been together, you need to let them know how attractive they are to you. While it may be tempting to assume they know this based on how you touch or look at them, saying it plainly will make sure they know it's not just their body you adore.
You can compliment their physical appearance, saying something like, "You look mesmerizing (or beautiful, fantastic, stunning, ridiculously cute)" or "I love your hair ( or outfit, legs, hips, nose) so much." You can also compliment their character and personality, saying, "I love how caring (or nurturing, open-minded, communicative) you are."
Or, use a metaphor to describe how you feel, especially if the person you're in love with is a woman. Research published in the journal Nature discovered that women prefer men who compliment them using metaphors, especially ones they've never heard before. Something along the lines of, "Cuddling with you feels like being wrapped in a blanket of love," just might work.
The point is not just to remind your partner about the way you feel towards them, it's also to let them know that you truly see them. It will give them a boost and bring you that much closer in your relationship.
8. 'I find your choices so attractive and admirable'
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Your partner's choices tie back to who they are at a deeper level. By noticing those choices and verbalizing your appreciation, they will feel truly heard and adored.
For example, maybe your partner just got a great haircut. Don't just say, "You look cute." Instead, say, "Going short was such a great idea, it really suits you." That expresses an appreciation not just for how they look, but also how they thought about that decisions.
A compliment about their lifestyle or character also goes a long way: "I love that you were able to get yourself up out of bed and go for a run so early in the morning. I find that incredibly admirable that you take care of yourself." After all, research has shown that compliments that are unique and specific are more effective than general ones. So get to the heart of why and how you love them so much.
9. 'You're my priority'
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It's easy to let your partner become less of a priority on your list when you slip from a "wanting" mindset to a "having" mindset. Life moves quickly, and it's easy to neglect putting your relationship at the top of your priority list.
To prove that they are your prime concern, tell them, "I will always put you first, and if I ever forget please give me a nudge to wake me up to reality. You are the most important person in my life and I want to make sure you always feel like you are."
Of course, the best way to prove the person you love is your priority is to show them. Text them, call them, think of what will make them happy and consider their reactions. This is the foundation of growing a beautiful relationship.
10. 'I appreciate you'
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As we move through our everyday routines, it's easy to forget to show or verbalize our appreciation for for the people we love the most. Fortunately, it doesn't need to be this way, and you can let them know how cherished they are.
In a healthy relationship, it's important that you don't take your partner for granted. Ever. This isn't just my opinion, research has shown time and time again the value of expressing our gratitude in relationships. In fact, marriage researchers John and Julie Gottman suggest creating a culture of appreciation in your relationship.
Tell them, "I'm so glad you're my partner. Sometimes I see you from a distance and I'm like, 'Wow, that is one amazing human.' And then I realize that I'm already dating you and I feel like the luckiest person in the world." Or you could also simply say, "I really appreciate all that you do for me, for us, and for our family," to get the point across.
11. 'I'm sorry'
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It's inevitable that you're going to mess up. After all, we are all human and even the strongest relationships include arguments every now and then. But there's no harm in admitting you were wrong and offering a heartfelt apology when needed.
Make sure you're clearing the air with them when you apologize. And be sure that your "I'm sorry" includes a little context to it. For example, if you didn't take out the garbage and your partner is upset about it, you can say something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry I forgot to take out the trash. I know how hard you work every day, and I'll make sure I don't neglect my duties again."
If you want to add a little extra to an apology, thoughtfully add some longer words. Researchers in the UK found that longer and less common words made for more effective apologies.
12. 'I love you'
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This is the most obvious, but most important, phrase you need to say to your partner more often. The phrase "I love you" really can't be said enough.
Of course, you should show your love in other ways, too. Research shows that showing love in the ways that are most meaningful to your partner has enormous benefits to your relationship. If they feel loved via acts of service, do kind things for them. But in addition, you should say it, too.
Say it upon waking, before they leave for their day, via text while you're apart after you kiss, and before you go to sleep. Say it like you mean it. Don't just go through the motions. Tell them you love them, don't just hope the person you love knows how you feel.
Jordan Gray is a five-time Amazon best-selling author, public speaker, and relationship coach with more than a decade of practice. His work has been featured in The New York Times, BBC, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Women's Health, and The Good Men Project, among countless others.
