4 Subtle Habits That Make Men Quietly Develop Real Feelings For You, According To Psychology
Men tend to fall in love slowly, but here's how to make it happen faster.
Nate Johnston | Unsplash Are you wondering about the best ways to make a man fall in love with you? Aren’t we all?! Love makes the world go round, and everybody (and I mean everybody) wants to be in love.
Unfortunately, falling in love and having that same someone fall in love with you isn’t easy. But it is possible. Here are 5 habits that get a guy to feel a certain way about you — and fast.
Here are 4 subtle habits that make men quietly develop real feelings for you, according to psychology:
1. Be yourself
I know. Everyone always tells you how important it is to be yourself in any relationship. That’s because it is! If you want a man to fall in love with you, you have to be you!
You can’t try to be someone who he wants you to be or someone who you read about in a magazine. Even the best actor isn’t truly authentic in their role, and if you try to act like you are someone else, your guy will see through it and back away.
And, if he does become attached to the fake you when he meets the real you, which he will, he will be gone in a flash. And then you will be left alone with the pretend you.
Not so fun, eh? So be you. If your guy can’t fall in love with the real you, then you don’t want him to love you at all. If he can’t see how awesome the real you are, then forget him and find someone who can.
2. Be mysterious
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In this era of public sharing of every intimate detail of our lives, it is hard to be mysterious in this world. But it is important to do so when you are out in the dating world.
I am a sharer. I am happy to talk about just about anything with anyone I meet. People at the dog park, at the grocery store, or on the subway. I am happy to share intimate details about myself because I like hearing intimate details about other people as well.
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that lots of sharing does not work so well in the dating world. The last thing that you want to do on a first date is to share every little detail about yourself. Yes, your parents are divorced, you fight a lot with your sister, you have been intimate with more than a dozen guys, and you are prone to bouts of sadness when the seasons change.
And, while all of those things are real and true, and should be divulged in time, in the beginning, be yourself, but also share information carefully. Guys are different from girls and can get scared away by too much sharing.
And, while you want a guy who can share, many guys need to get to know their girl well before they are comfortable with that sharing. So don’t put them off by sharing too much too soon. Also, as I said before, guys are hunters and like to stalk their prey. And if he has to ask you questions about yourself to learn more, he will be intrigued.
Research suggests that men are often attracted to women who project an air of mystery due to stimulating an innate curiosity, a desire for novelty, and perceptions of confidence and self-sufficiency. The unknown can be alluring, sparking interest and prompting men to want to try to figure out the mysterious person, leading to increased attraction and engagement.
3. Be thoughtful
This may be unpopular to say, but it's my opinion as a relationship expert: Do not be intimate with your guy right away.
In the present day, 2025, I know that hooking up is part of the culture. Men and women are equals, and we, as women, should be able to be intimate whenever and with whomever we want. And this is true, but if you want your guy to fall in love with you, waiting is a good idea.
Why? Two reasons. The first is that, for women, being intimate changes everything. Yes, we want to say that we can just hook up and not get attached, but the reality is that women become more attached after intimacy than men do. There is evidence that women can get addicted to a man's smell after just one intimate encounter, an addiction that makes them crave more.
The second reason is that men are hunters, and what men are prone to hunt for most consistently is intimacy. When they catch their prey, they are more likely than not to go in search of the next conquest.
So, if a man isn’t easily able to catch what he wants, he will be forced to keep working to get it. And the longer he has to work to catch you, the more opportunities will arise for him to get to know you and become attached to you. So don't let just anyone have you because you are awesome and to win you, someone should have to work hard.
Thoughtfulness is a strong indicator of emotional intelligence as it shows a capacity for empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to understand others' emotions. Research argues that men find those traits attractive because it suggests that they are capable of fostering deep connection and navigating the relationship with the appropriate amount of sensitivity.
4. Be a woman worth pursuing
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A self-confident, mysterious, hard-to-catch female is attractive to men and worth pursuing. A man likes to take care of a woman, and a woman wants to be taken care of. So be yourself, but be a woman, too. He will love you for it.
Let me tell you a true love story. Last year, I met a guy who was a friend of a friend. We were both working our way out of relationships, and we struck up a friendship. We spent three months supporting each other and getting to know each other, getting to know each other without any romantic intentions.
Probably because I didn’t think there was any chance of romance, I was naturally completely myself with him. I wasn’t trying to impress him or draw him in — we were just friends.
I shared things about myself, but not too much. I wasn't intimate with him. I was building my business and shared all the hard work that I was doing, and he was very impressed with the woman I was in the world. And when we were together, I was happy to let him walk me to my car when we were out late one night and carry my heavy grocery bags on a rainy day.
It started to dawn on me that I was getting feelings for this guy, and one day, out of nowhere, I told him. He smiled and admitted that the same had happened to him.
That night, he kissed me, and our feelings grew exponentially after that. Yes, he is in love with me. And I am with him. And it’s like nothing I have ever known before. A love built on mutual respect, friendship, and truth. Not intimacy and falsehoods and good intentions.
Confidence can be seen as an honest signal of various positive qualities, such as competence, social skills, and even the ability to acquire resources. Research suggests that people generally perceive confident individuals as more attractive, both physically and in terms of personality.
Listen to my love story and make your own happen. Be who you are in the world, don’t give too much of yourself too quickly, be thoughtful about when you are intimate, be self-confident, and be your girlish self. If you do, the man you want, or maybe even the guy you didn’t know you wanted, will want you back. You'll see.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
