10 Subtle Traits That Separate Emotionally Mature Men From Man-Children, According To Psychology
How to spot a man in a sea of boys.
Capuski | Canva Being a male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age, but being a man is a matter of choice. Not a choice made once or twice during one's life, but a series of choices made every single day when navigating the world and life.
Jennifer Vincent, a licensed mental health counselor, says that being “emotionally mature is about the art of being both self and socially aware — the ability to recognize emotions in both yourself and others.” So what, then, are these choices that separate the men from the rest of the pack? The men who hold themselves to higher standards.
Here are the subtle traits that separate emotionally mature men from man-children according to psychology:
1. A man is kind to everyone
A man of quality is never afraid of equality. There's no reason to talk down to or disrespect anyone you come across in your daily life. Whether it's the person serving your coffee, cleaning the floor at the gym, or the CEO of your company, they are all human beings and are deserving of respect.
2. A man never shows up empty-handed
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If someone is extending the kindness of hosting you at their home, never show up without a sign of gratitude. Your choice will range depending on the context of the occasion and who's doing the hosting, but showing that you're grateful for the invitation is what counts.
While there isn't research directly linking consistently bringing gifts for a woman to emotional maturity, some studies suggest that such behavior can be a sign of a thoughtful and caring nature, which is often associated with emotional maturity. The act of giving gifts alone isn't definitive, as it's more about the underlying motivations and how it fits within the overall relationship dynamic.
3. A man always improves himself
In order to get respect from others, you first must have it for yourself. This means taking care of both your physical and mental well-being. In a Photoshop-ridden society, our generation certainly appears to value surface over substance, but a man understands the importance of what goes beyond the outer shell.
Whether it's reading books, listening to lectures, watching documentaries, or any other educational medium he prefers, it's important to not lose sight of improving the mind while also working on improving the body.
4. A man values his family and relationships
More important than professional accomplishment and success is cultivating relationships with the people with whom you will share it. A man will understand that no matter how far he makes it in life, it's better to be in a cottage with people he loves than it is to be in a mansion by himself.
Emotionally mature men tend to have secure attachment styles, meaning they are comfortable with intimacy, vulnerability, and dependence in relationships. Research by The Gottman Institute concluded that this allows them to build strong, trusting bonds within their family and with their partner.
5. A man isn't afraid to be wrong
Many people in today's day and age seem to have an incredible avoidance of being wrong. They will take a stand on a position and never allow new information or evidence to change their mind. This puts up a stone wall around your current base of knowledge and allows no room for expansion beyond it.
The only way to learn or grow is to be wrong. Only when you're wrong do you absorb new information, change your stance, and subsequently become "right." Without the ability to admit a mistake, there will be no lessons to take from it.
6. A man always prioritizes the woman in his life
A man needs to hold high standards for how he acts when he's in a relationship. This includes never mistreating her or taking her for granted, always valuing her, and showing her that he does (not just telling her).
He will understand that the effort it took to get the type of woman he wants is the same effort it will take to keep her, and that a lady would never accept being taken for granted any more than he would. He will never lose sight of doing the small things that make her happy.
A man who prioritizes the happiness of those around him demonstrates a capacity for understanding and responding to their emotional needs, which is a hallmark of emotional maturity. A 2021 study found that an emotionally mature man will respect the boundaries and needs of others, even if they don't align with his preferences or desires. He will be willing to compromise and find solutions that meet the needs of everyone involved.
7. A man is always honest
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A reputation for honesty breeds a reputation for reliability. A reputation for trustworthiness. A reputation for being honorable. Consistency is important in both personal and professional life.
8. A man understands the difference between confidence and arrogance
And knows which side of the line to stay on. According to a 2017 study, understanding the distinction between confidence and arrogance —a hallmark of emotional maturity —reflects a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-awareness. Confidence stems from a secure belief in one's abilities and worth, while arrogance is often rooted in insecurity and an inflated sense of self-importance.
9. A man knows the difference between calling a woman 'hot' and calling her 'beautiful'
And he knows how and when to use each term. Research suggests that there is a general understanding that the ability to express oneself with nuance and sensitivity is often associated with higher emotional intelligence and maturity.
The term hot is frequently used more superficially and immediately, focusing on physical appearance. Beautiful, on the other hand, can imply a broader appreciation for someone's qualities, including their personality, character, and inner beauty.
10. A man puts others first
There's no room among the manly for the selfish. There's no room for those who believe climbing the ladder means stepping on others along the way. There's no room for those who mistreat others for their benefit or any reason at all.
A man isn't kind to people because of who they are — he's kind to people because of who he is. A man will respect other men, women, children, and animals, and treat them with kindness. There's no need for a confident man to hurt another being in any way, as he gains nothing from it.
Some men are a rare breed in today's society. Men need to strive for these ideals, as well as for women to show men their efforts are appreciated and recognized.
While many men reach for these qualities without any need for outside influence, we can also assume that more would put in the effort if they knew how much of a difference it would make in their lives.
But if they don't, men cannot be afraid to separate themselves from the crowd. The effort they put into living the best life they can comes with a reward that many others will never receive: The accomplishment of that goal.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
