How 'The Law Of Secret Intimacy' Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

Still hoping to reunite with your ex? Start by ending the unsuccessful cycle.

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Trying to get back with an ex can sometimes lead you to feel like a hamster on a wheel. You work so hard to get somewhere different, but end up right where you started.

The most likely reason for this is that you consistently try the same ploy: You attempt over and over again to change your ex’s mind, believing that doing so will change their heart.

But, as any hamster might tell you, doing the same thing will result in the same outcome. You simply have to get off that wheel. You have to try a new route, something that will prove more effective.


Rather than changing your ex’s mind, you might want to concentrate on changing their mood. This begins by understanding the law of secret intimacy.

RELATED: 6 Telltale Signs It's Not Over Between You And Your Ex

What is the law of secret intimacy?

The law of secret intimacy deals mainly with one relationship truth: The better you know someone, the better they expect you to know them. In other words, the person who dumped you expects you to know what they need and what they want. 


They expect you to create the game plan for getting back together without asking them to call all the plays.

When two people break up, the party that got dumped often asks about reconciliation. They ask how they can make it better or what they can do. But, by doing this, they make the party who did the dumping shoulder the responsibility, when it really takes two to end a relationship.

This doesn't work for two reasons: First, the one who was dumped is the one who wants something (they want to reconcile). So, the onus of fulfilling this goal lies on them (you will work harder to achieve your goals than others will work to help you achieve them).

RELATED: 6 Conditions That Must Exist For You To Be Friends With Your Ex


The moral of Humpty Dumpty

Think about it this way: When Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall that fated day in Fairly Tale Land, he fell off and broke apart. Then, instead of taking matters into his own hands, he relied on all the king's horses and all the king's men to put him back together again. Yet, they failed. Had Humpty tried to put things back together himself, the outcome may have been different.

The other reason asking the dumper about reconciliation doesn't work is because of the law of secret intimacy. In life, there are certain laws that are always at work: What goes up must come down, objects in motion stay in motion, and washing your car is the surest way to make it rain.

In love, laws are also at work: the law of attraction, honesty, and the actual law. But, when it comes to getting your ex back, applying the tenets of the law of secret intimacy is the most applicable.

The best way to do this is to change your ex’s mood.


RELATED: 11 Psychological Tricks To Make Your Ex Regret Losing You

Mold their mood to move their heart

The concept of changing someone's mood and not their mind is fairly simple. It's based on a few factors.

The first factor is that minds are rarely changed. Once they are made up, they usually are made up for good. The second factor is that someone's mood is easily altered, and this alteration can lead to memories and hopes of happier times.

Take, for example, your own experiences: chances are there have been times when you've found yourself in a rotten mood. Perhaps you got a speeding ticket or beat out for a big promotion. You may have found yourself angry, upset, and sulking.


Then, suddenly, someone walks by wearing the same cologne your grandpa used to wear. You are drawn into the memory and your mood automatically lightens. Your mind isn’t changed about your misfortune, but your mood is much better.

This concept works well with relationships: You can help change your ex’s mood by reminding them of happier times or even of future times.

This change in mood ultimately leads to your ex associating you with different feelings and allows them to remember why they once loved you. Once this door is open, reconciliation is often waiting on the other side.


RELATED: How Likely You Are To Get Back Together With Your Ex, Per Astrology

Michael Griswold is a romantic relationship coach based in Denver, Colorado who helps men and women heal broken hearts and find love again.