4 Key Pieces Of Relationship Advice To Remember When You're Falling In Love

This will ensure the person you're falling in love with will catch you.

Modern relationship advice when you're falling in love, couple taking selfie together Jacob Lund | Canva

Many people say that despite the wealth of relationship advice out there, marriage as an institution is "going out of style," but what does that mean for someone with high hopes of still falling in love with "the one"?   Talk to a group of 20-somethings and you'll likely hear them extol the virtues of casual dating, working on one's self, building a career, and getting out of student loan debt. Some people assume this means millennials aren't interested in love and long-term commitment. But, look deeper — that's not really the case. 


Millennials aren't snubbing love. They're just taking care of more immediate needs right in front of them. Finding a job and stabilizing their life so they can buy food to eat and afford rent. Marriage and intimate relationships are further up the food chain. As Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs clearly states, we need to feel safe and secure long before we need to bond with another person. But that doesn't mean the desire to find a life partner has gone away, it's merely taken a back seat to more important matters. It's not a question of IF people will marry, just a matter of WHEN. Yes, young people have raised the average age of marriage, but research still shows that 78 percent of women and 70 percent of men see a good marriage and family life as "extremely important" to them.


So, whether you're marrying today or waiting until further down the road... what can you do NOW to make sure you're ready for a successful relationship when the time comes? We brought this question to our panel of Experts to discuss. Former Senior VP of YourTango Melanie Gorman sat down with renowned biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher; therapist and life/love/relationship coach Marcie Telander; psychotherapist, trainer, and author Ross Rosenberg; and former relationship help doctor, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler to get to the bottom of what all couples (young and old) need to master in order to make a modern relationship work.

Collectively, the panel all agrees on one thing — the health of the bond between the members of the couple IS the litmus test of whether that relationship can last over the long haul. The panel suggests we all need to make a happy marriage last by cultivating an intimate bond (where trust, honor, faithfulness, and friendship reign). So, we ask you this: If you're like the millions of other people who want a healthy, intimate relationship, are you truly prepared to be the partner you most want to meet? Look in the mirror at some point and ask yourself if you're bringing the same relationship skills, love, and smarts to the table that you also want to find in a partner. If you are, congratulations, you're well on your way. But, if you're not, then clearly you have some work cut out for you!

Here are 4 key pieces of relationship advice to remember when you're falling in love: 

1. It's okay to have expectations of intimacy, but be realistic

Women desire to be face-to-face with a man when we’re having a conversation, and that is totally fine. At the same time, we have to have realistic expectations of the guy in this situation. So, while he may not say much, we should still listen to what he is trying to communicate.

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2. Be willing to try out his ideas, too

There are both biological and anthropological reasons women desire intense face-to-face interactions, but men don’t tend to favor these much. This may mean having a conversation with him involving no eye contact. Dr. Fisher advises that a good time to bring up a conversation is in the car when a man is driving. This way, he will not have to make eye contact and some of the pressure is off.

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3. Remember that a man is not a project

Don’t go into any relationship with an idea of what it should look like, or the type of couple you should be. The process should be natural and the relationship should be able to build itself.

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4. Don't forget that he has expectations of his own

Sometimes guys may also enter a relationship with expectations and they may have a fantasy built up around you. Dr. Shaler suggests the best time to approach this is before you enter a relationship. You should know yourself, know your values, and know what you’re expecting. Don't set out to be attractive, or to find an attractive relationship.

Set out to be you. Just remember, you're in control of the relationships you create (now and in the future). The universe has an amazing way of bringing just the right relationships to us at just the right time. So trust your journey.

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Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts. Helen Fisher Ph.D., is a biological anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and Chief Scientific Advisor to the dating site Match. She is the author of the book The Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, among other titles. Marcie Telander is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a life/love/relationship communication coach. She is the president of East River Counseling, Inc., an author, and TedXTalk presenter. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor, provided urgent and ongoing care for relationships in crisis for more than 30 years. She was also the host of the Save Your Sanity Podcast. Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, Self-Love Recovery Institute CEO, and author of The Human Magnet Syndrome.