How To Be Yourself In A Relationship, No Matter How Deep In Love You Are

Find the one without losing yourself.

How To Be Yourself In A Relationship, No Matter How Deep In Love You Are unsplash/Sarah Noltner

In a new relationship, it's not uncommon to lose yourself along the way in order to please your new beau.

But you don't have to compromise your authentic self. You can stay still be yourself while you merge your life with someone else's.

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Have you ever met a guy — either online or in person — and thought, "Wow, he could be the one!"

That wonderful feeling of excitement and possibility starts to grow inside of you.

You start envisioning the loving and healthy relationship you've been longing for.

You can't help but think about all the things that might actually be at your doorstep soon — holidays together, what kind of father he might be, or what vacations you might take.

But, wait.

As your fantasy grows you notice, so does that nagging voice in your head and the excitement that gives way to fear and doubt.

You realize and can hear yourself saying that you have had this feeling before and you remember that you were disappointed and hurt — really hurt!


That little voice inside you starts to get louder and louder, reminding you of the bad things that happened last time you were feeling so excited. Your guard goes up and down goes your excitement and enthusiasm.

So how do you get and stay excited about the possible love of your life and not lose yourself in the process?

I believe that women don’t really lose themselves in relationships as much. Instead, they give too much.

When a women gets excited about the possibilities of love — real love, the kind they have been dreaming of — they tend to give so much of themselves while compromising their boundaries.

Many times, we want so desperately to make it work, partly because we feel electric chemistry or we think this man might make an ideal father for your children. So, you compromise your boundaries.


But, healthy relationships require authenticity in order to survive the long haul.

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Here are the 2 most important things to be aware of so you can make sure you don’t lose the spark of the relationship while not losing yourself.

1. Understand that love and giving are not the same as over-giving

Knowing what you need and want in a relationship and what you are willing to do and give of yourself is the first step.

It is important that you are aware of what nurtures you, makes you come alive in all areas of your life with your partner, not just one area like sex or his ability to provide for you.


Many women allow themselves to compromise because they feel as though he is good enough and then over give of themselves to try and keep the man interested long enough to fall in love.

This is never a good recipe.

2. Believe in your ability to make good decisions

If you don’t feel that you can trust yourself you can never feel that you can trust a man. Self-doubt is your number one enemy! You have to know you!

You have to know and love yourself enough to understand that you are not the same person that made past mistakes.

So many times, we think of now as if we are our old self with our old capabilities and limitations.


You have learned many lessons in life. You are not the same vulnerable little girl that you were back when you were 19.

You must be able to trust yourself and have boundaries in order to have the loving relationship you dream of. Next time your heart sings and you get that excited feeling in your stomach, you can trust that you can go for it!

Enjoy it and be ready for anything that comes your way because you can trust you!

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Lori Pinkerton is a dating and relationship expert.​