If You Notice These 11 Things In Someone's Marriage, The Intimacy Is Gone
Paul Biryukov / Shutterstock Marriages have their ups and downs. This is a normal part of being married to someone for several years. One major downside a married couple may experience is a lack of intimacy, whether emotional or physical.
When a couple experiences a lack of intimacy in their marriage, they will feel the strain this has on the overall well-being of their relationship. Their emotional connection will likely struggle, and they will often harbor resentment toward their partner and the relationship they no longer feel satisfied with. If they pay attention to the signs that emerge when intimacy is reduced, they can overcome this through communication, understanding, and a willingness to put words into action.
If you notice these 11 things in someone's marriage, the intimacy is gone
1. Lack of physical touch
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When partners no longer make physical touch a priority in their marriage, it may signal that the intimacy between them is gone. This lack of physical touch can have a great impact on each spouse’s overall well-being.
Partners in relationships that lack physical touch are likely to develop negative emotions and may experience struggles with managing these emotions. What is referred to as being “touch starved” leaves spouses to deal with mental health struggles that only further negatively impact their marriage.
2. Emotional withdrawal
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Intimacy is more than just the physical. Emotional intimacy has just as much importance in developing a healthy marriage as the physical aspects of a relationship do.
Research by The Gottman Institute found that if a couple wants to begin the healing process within their marriage, they must first pick up on signs of decreased emotional support and connection. Emotional withdrawal is usually the result of other unresolved issues within a marriage, and until these are fixed, the intimacy within a marriage will continue to erode.
3. Communication breakdowns
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When a married couple is experiencing a lack of intimacy within their marriage, they will likely find that this struggle blocks their ability to openly and effectively communicate with one another. Communication breakdown only further hinders their ability to bond emotionally and connect at the level needed for a marriage to continue to develop in a healthy manner.
Research shows that communication between partners is a key factor in sustaining their closeness and promoting success and overall positive well-being within a marriage. When this is not a prominent factor in a relationship, the relationship becomes strained and stagnant.
4. Increased irritability
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A lack of intimacy within a marriage creates a more hostile and irritable relationship. Each spouse begins to experience a cycle of negative emotions stemming from unmet needs and feelings of disconnection.
When bonding hormones, like oxytocin, are low, and partners start feeling physically and emotionally rejected in a relationship, they tend to experience increased levels of irritability. A 2024 study showed the correlation between conflict, often a result of irritability, and intimacy in romantic relationships. The research found that satisfaction within a relationship dictates what conflict and intimacy look like in a relationship. When intimacy and conflict are not where they need to be in a marriage, the psychological well-being of each partner suffers.
5. They start sharing fewer sweet words with one another
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The less intimacy there is within a marriage, the more emotional and physical distance a couple will likely feel in their relationship. When affectionate language is rarely used in a marriage, each partner may notice a decline in their own well-being, as well as in the relationship's overall well-being.
Research suggests that affection is a “key positive emotional experience in close relationships.” When affectionate language no longer resides in a marriage, relationship satisfaction decreases substantially. It may lead to the novel passion that was present at the beginning of the relationship diminishing, which negatively affects how intimate partners are with one another.
6. Lack of interest in shared activities
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While it isn't necessary for married couples to share all the same interests in activities, it is crucial to the satisfaction of their relationship to at least have some shared interests. Having differing interests and failing to support the things the other person enjoys doing may even be a way that a couple tries to cover up the deeper compatibility issues they face, like intimacy issues.
When people in a relationship have similar interests in some of the same activities, they will typically experience a healthier relationship. When a couple can foster this kind of bond, they can experience deep intimacy. When they lack a bond like this, they also typically lack intimacy.
7. Confiding in others
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A lack of intimacy within a marriage will usually motivate each partner to confide in other people. They will do this as a way to seek emotional validation, fill an emotional void that is not being filled by their partner, and/or due to a communication breakdown they are experiencing in their marriage. These factors typically are caused by a lack of closeness.
Research has shown that closeness discrepancies in relationships can be the result of emotional issues that partners face with one another. The study found that negative closeness discrepancies can impair the well-being of a married couple’s relationship, which directly impacts their ability to lean on one another for support and be intimate with each other.
8. No more little things
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Emotional disconnection is one of the most major aspects of a marriage that fades when intimacy is reduced. This makes partners much less likely to do the little sweet things that they used to do for one another.
Studies have shown that, in a marriage, physical intimacy plays a crucial role in sustaining a healthy relationship. Especially for women, intimacy should be accompanied by the performance of desire. They believe that this is what fosters the emotional aspect of physical intimacy, which is something they feel is extremely beneficial to the overall marriage. Without this, partners struggle to feel emotionally desired by their partners, and when they do not feel wanted in this way they will struggle to feel motivated to do small yet sweet gestures for their significant other.
9. Fewer compliments
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A lack of intimacy generates a cycle of negativity. Partners in a marriage will begin to feel disconnected from one another and unappreciated, which typically leads to emotional disconnection and resentment. When couples feel this way in their marriage, they are highly unlikely to continue complimenting each other.
Giving one another fewer or no compliments at all shows that there is a communication issue within the marriage. Communication allows for emotions to be expressed and has been determined to be a strong indicator of marital satisfaction, according to research. When intimacy issues are blocking emotional conversations from happening and making partners no longer feel a desire to compliment one another, their marriage will likely be negatively affected.
10. Resentment and blame
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Resentment acts as a barrier to intimacy. It can either cause a lack of intimacy or be the result of no physical or emotional affection within a relationship. Vulnerability and learning how to let defenses down are necessary behaviors to ensure intimacy is a part of a marriage.
A lack of intimacy within a relationship can psychologically foster resentment and blame. As endorphins start to decrease and stress levels start to rise due to a lack of physical affection, spouses will typically start feeling disconnected and neglected. While they are trying to work through these newfound negative feelings toward their partner, they will start feeling like it is their partner's fault for putting them in this overwhelming situation.
11. Just coexisting
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Feelings of just coexisting will begin to foster if there is a lack of intimacy within a marriage. When no longer being emotionally or physically intimate causes them to feel lonely and more like roommates instead of lovers, the connection between them will suffer.
Intimacy is an essential part of a healthy relationship. When the desire to be intimate with one another starts to diminish between a couple, they struggle to develop a fulfilling and strong emotional and physical bond. This is a sign they are experiencing “roommate syndrome.”
When a married couple starts to notice the negative impact a lack of intimacy is having on their marriage, they should try and rekindle their desire driven bond if they wish to redeem the health of their relationship.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
