5 Tiny Signs You Have Major Intimacy Issues In Your Marriage

You're disconnected from each other.

Last updated on Jun 28, 2024

Woman notices signs she has intimacy issues in her marriage. Andrea Piacquadio | Canva

Intimacy is about feeling close to your partner, especially after the courting period. The courting period is a time when you feel close but you merge with your partner and forget your individuality for a while. As you rediscover your individuality, you tend to fall out of love (temporarily, hopefully) and now have an opportunity to get to know yourself as an individual in a committed relationship and to get to know your partner as an individual in a committed relationship. Now, true closeness can be attained. This brief article alerts you to the 5 signs and symptoms of intimacy issues in marriage.


Here are 5 signs you have major intimacy issues in your marriage:

1. You feel negative feelings increasingly more about your partner and keep it to yourself

The ‘keep it to yourself’ part of the sentence is by far the most problematic part. It is normal and even inevitable that you will have some negative feelings towards your partner from time to time and sometimes more than others. Keeping it to yourself may be a habit you picked up growing up. Many people grew up in families where at least emotionally, they were left on their own. No parent was there to help you out of the emotional pain. This person can become what I call an emotional soloist, which can lead to significant intimacy problems if not corrected.


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2. Bickering increases but neither partner feels heard

Bickering is a sign of two immature people reacting to each other. Neither partner has the emotional muscle to hear something stressful and stay present and connected to their mate. In patterns like this, neither partner feels heard and it often can escalate from bickering into an all-out couple war. By the way, being immature is not bad; it is common since many of us had parents who were immature when it came to handling emotional issues. The key is to grow up together beyond the emotional age of our parents when under stress.

5 Signs You Have Maaaajor Intimacy Issues In Your Marriage Pexels / Timur Weber


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3. Intimacy decreases in frequency and/or intensity

Intimacy decreases at times such as during pregnancy or with very young children. However, if this pattern continues beyond short periods, it could mean that the couple is settling into routines that leave out the "lover" part of their relationship. Couples can habituate or get used to this and become more disconnected which can lead to infidelity, divorce, or other emotional symptoms such as anxiety or depression.

4. Your relationship begins to settle into a functional relationship without playfulness and humor

If you notice that your whole relationship is now revolving around tasks and to-do lists, this can spell disaster in a relationship if not corrected. At least one partner will finally be so hungry for passion and aliveness that a relationship crisis can be close by.

RELATED: 4 Small Behaviors That Kill Intimacy In Marriage


5. You feel increasingly misunderstood by your partner

Probably the most important part of a relationship is to feel that your partner is in tune with you at least a majority of the time. When partners do not feel understood, this can lead to some of the other symptoms already mentioned such as bickering, withdrawal, less intimacy, and relationship boredom. If your relationship has one or more of these symptoms, that is not a bad sign!

Creating an intimate relationship takes increasing your self-awareness, opening up to more points of view, and developing the emotional muscle to stay connected when in the past you did some fight-or-flight maneuver with your partner. Your relationship likely has tremendous "intimacy potential." Be willing to open up and learn new ways of thinking, speaking, and behaving toward your partner, and magic can happen!

RELATED: 8 Tender Ways To Rekindle Intimacy In A Relationship That's Gone Stale


Todd Creager is a marriage and intimacy therapist, author, and speaker. He has been seen on Dating Advice, Celebuzz!, Playboy Radio, and more.