11 Quiet Phrases A Husband Says When He's Secretly Done With His Marriage
A man won't always say he's done, but if you listen closely, you'll hear what he really means.
VE.Studio / Shutterstock When a husband is fed up in his marriage, he will appear indifferent to his wife's needs, almost to the point of living a life emotionally separate from her. During arguments, he will be calm and collected as she lets her emotions out, hoping to gain some sort of reaction out of him. This back and forth continues until one of them finally puts an end to it.
While women are the ones who generally initiate divorce, men still play a role in the marriage's downfall by not being emotionally present when they are needed. There are certain quiet phrases a husband says when he's secretly done with his marriage that will let you know he has reached his limit, even if, for whatever reason, he won't end it entirely. Sometimes they hold on to marriage for the sake of their children, while other times they stay in order to keep the peace.
Here are 11 quiet phrases a husband says when he's secretly done with his marriage
1. 'Do whatever you want'
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You can be out having lunch with your husband, asking him what his opinion is on a certain purchase for the home that you share, only for him to tell you to do whatever you want. Typically, this is where both men and women have differing language styles. To men, this phrase might seem like he is trying to make her happy, but to women, it shows that he really doesn't care what she is doing or what she is talking about.
Detachment from joint making can ruin your emotional intimacy. It can feel more like the two of you are roommates rather than in a romantic partnership. Men who are looking for a way out will put all of the decision-making onto you, not only so that you can take the fall if things go wrong, but also so they don't have to be emotionally or physically involved in it.
2. 'I'm tired, let's talk later'
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Like most people, husbands don't want to be argued with as soon as they step through the door after a long day of work. While it's understandable to want to talk about something serious, it's a whole other thing to complain about everything that he is doing wrong simply. Yet, some wives will try to pry even after their husbands tell them they are tired and will discuss it later.
Some are willing to drop the discussion entirely, while others will try to start a new argument out of it. Husbands who are secretly done with their marriages end up leaving if they get pushed too far. Saying this phrase is their last polite way of warning their wives that they have had enough.
3. 'It's not a big deal'
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Imagine telling your upset wife that something you said to disrespect her is not a big deal, and the real problem is her reaction to it. Husbands who have more mood swings are less sensitive to their wives' expressions of happiness or fear. This lack of emotional awareness or not caring enough to notice explains why some men treat their wives poorly. He will stop noticing when she is happy, angry, or upset and brush it off as her problem.
A husband who lacks sympathy for what his partner is going through might not be the best fit for them anyway. Men may think that things are not a big deal, but to her, they are, and that is the whole point of being self-aware enough to see things from her point of view. An immature man might leave over this issue simply because she is not reacting in the way that he wants her to.
4. 'I don't want to fight'
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It can be frustrating when one partner wants to try to discuss something that is bothering them, but the other partner stonewalls the attempts or completely brushes them off. Husbands will refuse to listen to their wives, claiming that they don't want to fight or argue as a way of shutting the entire conversation down. When he stops engaging in arguments, it can feel like he has already checked out emotionally.
Withdrawing from a conflict undermines a couple's ability to recover emotionally, particularly when withdrawal is punitive. This withdrawal from the conflict absolves them from any wrongdoing and places the burden of the issues onto his wife. As resentment builds, one of them is bound to get fed up and leave due to the unresolved issues in the marriage.
5. 'You're overthinking it'
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Obsessing over every little thing in the relationship can drive your husband crazy, which is why he often reminds you of how much you're overthinking things. Similar to avoiding conflict, this phrase is used as an attempt to shut the conversation down. A husband who uses it doesn't allow his partner room to express themselves without being criticized.
Husbands who want to leave will often play devil's advocate with their wives, often refusing to take their sides on certain issues. Instead, they claim that all the negative things happening to her must be her fault. Men ruin their marriages by doing this because they downplay their wives' experiences, but to them, ending the marriage is at the top of their list.
6. 'I'm busy'
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A husband who is constantly absent from family functions by claiming that he is busy is a man who is looking for a way out. To him, the responsibilities are too much to deal with because he holds resentment towards his wife over missing out on a life that he wishes he had. Yet, this shouldn't absolve men from their marital or parental responsibilities.
In the early stages of marriage, wives will often demand discussions that their husbands typically withdraw from, especially when the issue is more important to her. This demand-withdraw pattern erodes intimacy and trust, making the other person feel unimportant. No spouse should be too busy for their family, ever.
7. 'It doesn't matter'
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Telling your wife that things just don't matter to you can show her just how indifferent you are to the marriage and her feelings. It can make her feel like you are not really invested in the marriage and that you married her out of comfort rather than actual love. Being emotionally detached is often the first sign that a husband is desperate to leave a marriage behind.
On the other hand, men who hide their feelings from their wives by telling them that what they're going through doesn't matter are just as bad for the marriage. She could be trying to connect with him when all of a sudden, he dismisses her efforts. Saying it doesn't matter actually makes it matter even more.
8. 'You wouldn't understand'
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Husbands who suffer from depression will often believe that their wives and marriage are the reasons why they are so miserable, but there is more to it. While marital discord can sometimes be a symptom, it is not the direct source of his issues within the marriage. Sometimes it's the external factors, such as stress from work or finances, and internal factors, like a sense of self-worth, that are the main reasons behind their aloofness towards their wives.
By telling their wife that she will never understand what they are going through, a husband creates the distance between them that would eventually lead to the breakdown of the marriage. Instead of explaining or engaging, he shuts down, not allowing her to help him heal. Men who want an end to their marriage will do anything but openly communicate with their wives.
9. 'Whatever'
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When trying to avoid taking accountability for something that he did or said, a husband will use the word 'whatever.' It may seem like a minor irritation, but it shows just how much hostility he has towards his wife. This word is dismissive in its language and tone, made by an individual who didn't seem to get their way on something.
A marriage can sometimes be salvaged with a little awareness and effort, but ignoring the signs of an irritated husband only deepens the divide. When communication shifts from collaborative to indifferent, then it often comes from a deeper discontent that is not being directly addressed. Dismissive behaviors within marriage do nothing but accelerate the speed of heading to divorce court.
10. 'I don't care'
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Men will quietly and politely tell their wives that the marriage isn't working for them by dropping hints. However, not all men are the same. Some will be so bold as to directly tell their wives that they don't care about them or the marriage with smiles on their faces. This is particularly hurtful towards women who have made their husbands the priority in their marriages.
Marriage is more than a piece of paper that the two of you signed. It's a business arrangement. One that affects your finances and investments. Not caring about your future or the things you have worked towards means he is really done with the relationship.
11. Nothing
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Silence is a powerful tool that is often used in marriages to teach a wife or a husband a lesson. However, giving your spouse the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive tactic used to punish or exert power over them. Not only does this damage their self-esteem, but it ruins their sense of security.
This tactic doesn't work because the foundation of any marriage is communication with each other. When a wife has to constantly be the one to communicate in the relationship, it can be just as frustrating for her as it is for him. A silent husband may be secretly done with the marriage, but it will never end unless he finally speaks up.
Sylvia Ojeda is a screenplay writer and journalist who covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest stories.
