If A Husband Is Secretly Falling Apart, He'll Start Saying These 11 Things Casually
AJR_photo / Shutterstock Society has taught men that there is nothing to be gained by showing their emotions. They are told to be stoic and keep everything to themselves. While they may seem tough on the outside, they may be struggling inside. If a man starts saying things casually that concern you, they might be secretly falling apart inside and are too afraid to say it out loud.
A man who is going through a hard time may start to turn inward. You’ll notice a change in his demeanor. Your once outgoing and talkative husband will keep to himself. Eventually, the signs will appear in the words he speaks. He’ll make casual comments that confuse you. You’ll start to wonder why he seems so off. He likely does not want you to know that he is falling apart. Whether it’s stress at work or issues at home, a man will casually say these things when times get tough.
If a husband is secretly falling apart, he'll start saying these 11 things casually
1. ‘I’m just tired’
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Claiming you are tired is the perfect excuse to avoid having a tough conversation. If a man is falling apart, he will claim that he is too tired to talk about anything. You’ll notice a change in his behavior and want to help him, but he will shut you down with this phrase. It is frustrating when you want to be there for him, and he does not let you. Or, he might say this as an excuse for his recent actions. He’s just tired, that’s why he hasn’t done the chores or paid the bills.
There’s another side to this casual phrase. When a husband is secretly falling apart, he will be genuinely tired. He doesn’t have the energy to put into other things. He is likely so focused on what’s going on in his head. There is so much weight on his shoulders, but he’s not properly working through it. It’s taking a toll on him physically and mentally.
2. ‘I don’t want to talk about it’
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If you notice your husband is acting differently, you might want to address your concerns with him. You’ve seen that he isn’t putting effort into the relationship as he used to. Maybe he isn’t doing things around the house or helping with the children. Since you are a caring wife, you want to talk to him about it. When he says, "I don’t want to talk about it," it might be a sign that he is secretly falling apart.
It’s difficult to share things when you’re struggling. For men, it is especially difficult. They never want to come off as weak. By avoiding the conversation entirely, they can get out of sharing their true feelings. If a husband is in a bad place, he’ll be sure to tell you he doesn’t want to talk about it.
3. ‘I’m fine’
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There are few things more painful than realizing the person you love is having a tough time. You might notice your husband isn’t acting himself. It might be obvious or more discreet, but eventually you will pick up on it. You’ll ask him how he is doing, and he just says, "I’m fine."
It’s a casual phase that keeps complicated conversations from unfolding. You may want to push him to talk to you about it, but relationship coach Nicole says on her website that it is the last thing you should do. “Men open up when they feel safe to be vulnerable. They need to trust that they won’t be interrogated or forced to talk before they’re ready,” she writes. “But pestering or continually questioning creates an environment where he feels guarded instead of safe. The more you push, the more he shuts down.”
4. ‘We’ll deal with it later’
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When a man is secretly falling apart, it will show in his behavior. He might be acting strangely. He won’t exactly tell you what’s going on, but you will be able to notice it. When you bring it up to him, he’ll say something casual like, "We’ll deal with it later," but he has no intention of working on it later. If he feels out of control of his life, he won’t want to deal with the issue head-on. He will likely try to get out of solving it.
This is a casual phrase that shows where his mind is at. He has no motivation to deal with what’s eating at him. He also doesn’t have the energy to open up to you about it. He’ll try to avoid the pain and instead claim that you both will deal with it later.
5. ‘Nothing matters’
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When a husband is struggling internally, he will often start by saying something like, "It doesn’t matter." He’s dismissing his own pain to avoid having a difficult conversation. This will be the first sign that something is wrong. Then, if he continues to fall apart without working on it, he’ll start saying that nothing matters at all. Of course, you’ll know things have gotten serious when he starts using this phrase.
There is a lot at stake when a man says nothing matters. It shows he has stopped putting work into the relationship. He could also be hinting that he is fed up with life entirely. The best thing you can do in this situation is be there for him.
6. ‘Do whatever you want’
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This phrase can be difficult to hear. When you want to include your partner in something, and they tell you to just do whatever you want, it’s hurtful. It could be something that a husband says when they are secretly falling apart. They will lose interest in things that once brought them joy. Instead, they’ll choose to sit things out and encourage you to do whatever you want.
This phrase can show how they are feeling. If they’re telling you to do whatever you want, they are unhappy about something. They are likely lost in their own heads. A husband who is secretly falling apart will look to avoid all conversations and further push you away. It’s an attempt to put a wedge between himself and your relationship.
7. ‘I can handle it’
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If your husband is secretly falling apart, he may try to convince you that everything is fine. If he shows a bit of weakness, he will reassure you that he can handle it. It’s a casual way to try to prevent you from worrying about him. He likely doesn’t want you to know the truth behind his feelings. Men want to remain stoic and keep their true emotions to themselves.
If you try to comfort a man who is struggling, it feels like a moment of weakness for him. He knows he doesn’t feel like himself. Things get difficult, but he feels like he can’t let his guard down and fill you in. He will, instead, try to convince you he has a handle on it. He will resist help wherever he can.
8. 'You wouldn't understand'
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I don’t know about you, but I have been guilty of saying this. I know that people certainly could understand where I am coming from, but my pain feels so heavy that I couldn’t imagine anyone relating to me. If a husband is falling apart behind the scenes, he will think his wife wouldn’t understand how he is feeling. Or, he wants to spare her from hearing his thoughts.
“See, to me, the point of life and relationships is learning new things — from experience, from people, from context. When that ability is stopped dead in its tracks by three simple words — 'You don’t understand' — that hurts,” says Ted Bauer for The Context of Things. "It feels like growth becomes impossible in that moment. Because I’m perceived to be someone who can’t understand, I feel like someone who can’t grow or learn.”
If you try to explain this to him, he may still not open up to you about his feelings, but it is worth a shot to show him you’re there.
9. ‘I don’t know anymore’
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If your husband is struggling in his life, he will stop being active in yours. You could ask him to weigh in on things, and he will answer that he doesn’t know anymore. Unfortunately, this may extend to questions about your relationship. If you ask him where he is with you, he might say that he doesn’t know anymore, because he is secretly falling apart. When they are going through something, they may become emotionally unavailable to protect themselves.
“An emotionally unavailable man finds it impossible to accept and express how they are feeling. Instead, they would lock up those feelings and act like nothing was happening. Such people are difficult to handle because they do not acknowledge your feelings when you hurt or make them happy,” says Sylvia Smith.
10. ‘I need space’
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Needing space is something we all experience. No matter how great our relationships are, we still need to take time for ourselves. Things can become more layered when someone is having a hard time behind the scenes. Taking space becomes a necessity because they are secretly falling apart.
When a husband is struggling, he might disconnect from his family entirely. It could be because he feels like a failure, or the stress of having to show up day in and out for his loved ones has taken its toll. Men are hard on themselves to be the best providers they can be. If they are struggling behind the scenes, they will step away to prevent themselves from looking weak. They simply want to be left alone because of how they are feeling inside.
11. ‘Something needs to change’
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When a husband is secretly falling apart, he’ll realize that something isn’t right. He might come to you and tell you that something needs to change. This phrase can feel like an attack on you, but he likely isn’t blaming you for his problems. Instead, he has realized that he is not doing well and things need to change so he can feel better.
Sometimes, a husband who is falling apart can have a moment when he realizes that something needs to get better, or things will become significantly worse. When he says this, it’s a good sign. He wants to get better. He realizes he has slipped too far into a bad place. The best you can do at this moment is comfort and support him as best you can. Unfortunately, he might think the thing that needs to change is your relationship. However, it’s not always the case.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
