If Your Husband Does These 11 Loving Things, He's A Rare Jewel You Should Never Take For Granted
Pics Five | Shutterstock Husbands get a bad rap these days, and sometimes it's for very good reason. Women take on an unfair amount of household labor, especially when they have kids. This happens even when they're working full-time or the breadwinner. But some husbands are rare jewels, men you should never take for granted.
If your husband truly appreciates your hard work and sees you as the powerful individual that you are, that's a good sign he's one of the good ones. If he does all, or even most, of the items on this list, you're one of the lucky ones. And guys? Take this as a sign: if you want to never be taken for granted, learn a little something from the men whose wives brag about them.
If your husband does these 11 loving things, he's a rare jewel you should never take for granted
1. He actively listens and makes you feel heard
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A loving husband listens, and a wife should never take that act for granted. Considering how many wives complain about their husbands lack of listening skills, having a husband who puts emotional effort into communicating is a cause for celebration. That man is a rare jewel!
It can be easy to overlook the power of truly listening to each other, but when long-term couples are truly happy, they both report listen to one another attentively and feeling heard. Communication, including truly listening, is a skill that's incredibly important if you want to be happy together.
Partners can stay present with each other by putting their phones down, making eye contact, and asking gentle, open-ended questions. Those simple actions are more meaningful than people think. As Goldstein pointed out, active listening works by “showing the person on the other end, ‘What the other end, ‘What you are saying is important to me.’”
2. He expresses genuine gratitude so you feel appreciated
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A loving husband has enough presence of mind to know that a simple “thank you” goes a long way.
Relationship counselors Linda and Charlie Bloom (who are also married!) shared that “one of the characteristics that set the blue ribbon relationships apart… is the tendency for both partners to live in a state of appreciation and gratitude.”
“Relationship problems will always exist for a couple, but when they say ‘thanks’ for every little thing, they continue thriving in a healthy relationship,” the Blooms explained. “They show up, are present, notice the tiniest things, and are generous of spirit. They know better than to take things for granted.”
Saying “thanks” might not repair infidelity or other serious breaches of trust, but it can prevent small ruptures from worsening.
3. He shares household responsibilities without being asked.
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Out of all the conflicts that husbands and wives have, the struggle around household chores tends to repeat itself again and again in marriage. Wives want their husbands to pitch in without being asked, while husbands don’t understand why their wives make such a big deal about it, when they could just give them a list of what to do.
The longer a marriage lasts, the more entrenched this fight can become. That is why a wife should never take for granted having a husband who takes initiative and helps out around the house without written instructions.
When it comes to maintaining a home, it’s not realistic for husbands or wives to expect a seamless 50/50 split, yet their division of labor should feel equitable. A loving husband doesn’t wait for an embossed invitation to pull his weight around the house. He just rolls up his sleeves and tackles the dishes that have been in the sink since breakfast. He sees himself as one half of a two-person team, so he strives to be a true partner in everything he does.
4. He makes you laugh, keeping the romance and joy alive
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A wife should never take her loving husband’s silly side for granted. His commitment to making her laugh is a love language. It shows that he still wants to impress her, even after all their years together. He probably lives for that one moment when she can’t keep a straight face any longer and bursts out laughing.
A sense of humor can buoy a marriage and even keep it from falling apart. Couples who share an arsenal of inside jokes and funny memories can still find joy in each other, unlike couples who take themselves too seriously.
When a husband makes his wife laugh, it’s an invitation to embrace the lighter side of life. She might not appreciate it every time he cracks a joke, but taking him for granted guarantees their relationship will sour.
5. He checks in regularly, strengthening your trust
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A husband can show his wife how much he loves her by surprising her with sweeping romantic gestures. But after a while, romance isn’t about bouquets of roses or artisanal chocolates, no matter how many rom-coms say otherwise. In real life, romance is about deciding to show up, over and over, even when things are hard, checking in and showing love.
A great husband will check in on his wife over the course of a day, and she should never take that display of devotion for granted. He finds time between meetings to call and ask how her day is going. He sends her flirty texts with as many heart-eye emojis as possible.
These short, sweet check-ins are a reminder of why she fell in love with him in the first place, and a reminder that he still cares. This is something she should never take for granted.
6. He remembers the little things, celebrating every small moment
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Couples might not want to admit it, but married life is made up of a series of mundane tasks, like mowing the lawn and scrubbing soap scum from the bathtub. A loving husband breaks up the monotony by remembering the little things that are meaningful to her, like putting just the right amount of milk in her coffee every morning.
Certified life coach Mitzi Bockmann explained that small displays of affection and connection have a profound impact. “The little things keep the marriage strong, the little things make someone feel loved, and the little things, when shared, can connect people in a lovely way,” she revealed. “Always pause and celebrate the little things, the small rites of passage in your lives you might take for granted.”
7. He shows up when you're sick, and supports you in meaningful ways
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A lot of men get a bad reputation for leaving their wives alone when they're sick, almost as if they're afraid to see their wives vulnerable. In fact, in one study, researchers looked at whether serious illness predicts divorce. To quote the authors, "we find that only wife’s illness onset is associated with elevated risk of divorce." Yikes.
But not your husband. As he said in his vows, a loving husband stands by his wife in sickness and in health; she should never take that for granted. When she’s too sick to manage, he makes midnight pharmacy runs and brings her soup in bed. He collects her crumpled-up tissues, refills her water bottle, and reminds her to take medicine. He puts his love into action and stays by his wife’s side, even when it feels tedious.
He’s serious about his caretaking role, so he steps up and fills in the gaps for every part of their lives without his wife having to ask. He takes over carpool duty, bath time, and bedtime. He becomes the house chef and the official dog-walker, all without complaining. He knows that marriage is a give-and-take that ultimately balances out.
8. He respects your need for space, encouraging your passions
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When a loving husband understands the importance of alone time, his wife should never take it for granted. He loves spending quality time with his wife but also knows that being together every waking minute isn’t healthy. This makes him a rare jewel of a man, as the leisure gap between husbands and wives is a sad, well-documented phenomenon.
He wants his wife to thrive, so he gives her all the space she asks for. He never gets possessive of her time or insecure, even when she follows a hobby or adventurous path without him.
He believes his wife should put herself first, whether going to the gym or napping. A loving husband encourages his wife to pursue whatever she’s passionate about, even if he doesn't understand the appeal of joining a competitive crochet team. Her dreams are his dreams, too, and that’s something a wife should never take for granted.
9. He manages his own stress and takes it out on nobody
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Even the strongest marriages go through tough phases, and people experience a lot of stress as individuals, too. But a good husband has healthy coping mechanisms that help him channel his inner peace instead of displacing his anger or anxiety.
He works to regulate his emotions so that he doesn’t take his stress out on his wife, kids or pretty much anyone. While doesn’t get it perfectly right every single time (who does?), he's committed to making progress and making sure he's taking care of his own well-being.
Some men bottle up their feelings, ignoring them until they explode. They turn to substances and unhealthy outlets when dealing with stress more often than women, too. But a great husband is highly emotionally intelligent and manages them before he explodes. He’s always seeking to understand himself deeper, allowing him to be more present with his love.
10. He accepts your quirks and loves you for who you are today
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A loving husband grows alongside his wife, and knows that she will change in that time. He doesn’t judge her for her flaws, new or old. When she needs support in working on something that's not serving her, he will offer it, but he understands just how imperfect she is by being human, and he loves her even more for it.
A wife should never take a loving husband’s calm, steady presence for granted. Especially if he's the type that truly sees her and accepts her as she is, instead of longing for the past or comparing her to someone else.
11. He plans regular date nights and even arranges a babysitter
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Some women have to drag the men to join them for date night, while a loving husband prioritizes date nights. He does more than just show up to date night, he schedules them himself. He even arranges the babysitter (yes, husbands, really!) and comes up with ideas for where to go and what to do, activities that are designed to promote emotional closeness.
Why does this matter? When men wait for their wives to plan dates, it's just another task on her list. Worse, he'll likely say something like, "We never spend any time alone together!" without actually doing the things that need to be done in order for them to spend that time alone. It's an incredibly frustrating double standard.
When a husband sees the value of dating his wife, even after they’ve been married for years, his wife shouldn’t take him for granted. So many men let the fun times fade away, and before long, his wife starts to feel like she's mothering him, which is unattractive and a recipe for resentment.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
