If Your Man Has These 11 Habits, He’s Probably Harder To Deal With Than You Realize
Gabriel Dizzi | Unsplash In a world where dating games are so common, it’s really hard to find people who are easy to deal with and looking for something serious. Sadly, the so-called nice guys of the world aren’t always the way they initially seem to be.
In fact, quite often, studies have shown that so many not-so-great boyfriends and husbands hide behind a mask of disingenuous kindness. That’s how they’re able to manipulate others. While you may be blindsided at times, there are a few pretty major ways to help identify a bad partner almost right away.
A man with these 11 habits is probably harder to deal with in a relationship than you realize:
1. He never apologizes when he does something to upset you
"While you don't necessarily need to go into the nitty-gritty details of who is at fault, knowing how to apologize and when is the key to getting things back on track," advised counselor Lianne Avila. Ending a fight doesn't mean saying, 'I love you,' it means saying, 'I'm sorry.' It's hard to say 'sorry' because saying it is admitting you were wrong."
Instead, he turns the situation around so you apologize to him. He’ll never be in the wrong, and somehow you always are.
2. He makes you feel guilty when you’re out with your friends
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Over time, you’ll notice his mood change when you even suggest seeing your friends. What’s more, you will be able to anticipate the fights when you return. Eventually, you’ll still go out, but you won’t be able to enjoy yourself knowing that you’re upsetting him.
3. He cannot control his anger
Whether he expresses his anger via verbal outbursts or physical abuse, it’s never OK to snap on the flip of a switch. If you feel scared for your safety when he’s angry or scared to make him mad, you shouldn’t be with him.
Psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D., explained, "Anger freezes the brain. Logical thinking is unlikely to occur when your computer overheats and subsequently freezes. For example, he is no longer able to process information. Anger also closes off ears. There's no absorption of new data, no matter how potentially helpful it can be."
4. He insults your looks or calls you derogatory names
Unless this is a playful joke that you’re fully in on and approve of, then this is never OK. You should be able to identify whether he’s joking or not. Regardless, if you voice your discomfort, but he continues to do it, he has some more serious problems.
5. He purposely embarrasses you in front of others
It could be something as simple as sharing a story about something he promised to keep a secret. But the more he does it, the more he should lose your trust.
"Sadly, few men dig into their trust issue because doing so churns up old and painful demons, and while my experience demonstrates that other men can best help him, it’s a catch-22 situation because he doesn’t trust other men sufficiently to work with them," pointed out dating coach Ken Solin. Trust issues affect many aspects of a man’s life and often with painful consequences. Their friendships with other men remain mostly surface, and their relationships with women are in constant struggle around trust."
6. He wants to see you and you only
Forget about seeing friends or family. He wants nothing but alone time with you. Over time, you’ll notice you become socially distant from those you love to cater to him and his needs.
Social worker Joanna Brothwell elaborated, "What makes it even more unsettling is that as you spend more time with the narcissist, you spend less time with others, which serves to keep you isolated, enhancing their ability to indoctrinate you into their version of reality."
7. He gets jealous easily
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Because of his jealousy, you aren’t allowed to wear certain clothing in front of other men. He also makes you delete any guy's number from your phone, questions any male you speak to, or becomes irritated when you even speak to a waiter at the restaurant. One study suggested this is pathological jealousy and can be "predominantly categorized with anxious-ambivalent attachment type, and mania love style."
8. He keeps accusing you of cheating
Because of his jealousy issues or even underlying abandonment problems, he always goes back to you cheating on him. Sure, he’s insecure, but he also clearly doesn’t trust you. He plays the victim and wants you all to himself. This behavior is never healthy.
9. He questions you about your whereabouts
His insecurities or territorial manner cause him to question you every time you are not with him. And those questions never seem to end. He’s not curious about you. Instead, research on suspicious jealousy supported how he’s trying to catch you in a lie.
10. He tears you down when you’re happy
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You could get a raise, and he’d still bring up how he makes more money than you. You could find a $50 bill on the ground, and he could accuse you of sleeping with someone for it. He’ll never let you be proud of something simply because he thinks he does it better.
11. He claims he’ll kill himself if you ever cheat on or break up with him
It is never OK to trap somebody with a serious threat, let alone continue to torture them in a toxic relationship throughout the process. It’s a serious sign of manipulation you should be on the lookout for. It’s important to remember that all of these abusive behaviors are closely connected.
Even if you don’t see some of the signs at first, you’ll notice over time that they slowly bleed into one another. And no matter how much he may apologize profusely, it won’t change his behavior. You need to leave him for your own safety and sanity.
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist, and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten.
