To Find Out If He's The One, Answer These 6 Easy Questions
Is he your forever person, or just another disappointing guy?
Scopio, Odua Images | Canva You like this guy, but you're worried about moving your relationship forward because you keep wondering if he's "the one" — after all, you want a lasting love with your soulmate! You’ve been seeing him for a while, and he has been hinting that he is ready to take the relationship to the next level, but before you do, there are some deep questions to ask yourself about your relationship that will help you know for sure.
Even though you like him, you can't ignore the niggling question in the back of your mind that plays through your head on repeat: "Is he the one?" It's not a bad sign that you're questioning your relationship! It's healthy to have questions you want to ask about the state of things in your love life. Maybe it’s not the right time, or you just aren’t feeling that emotional connection that you need.
Maybe you used to look forward to his phone calls at the end of the day, but now they just exhaust you. Maybe it used to be exciting to hear about every last detail of his life, but now it’s just boring. Whatever hurdle you're encountering in your relationship, you’re not quite sure how this happened, but it did. And now it's making you wonder, "Is he the one?"
To find out if he's the one, answer these 6 easy questions:
1. Do you wonder if he knows what matters most to you?
You have been with him long enough, so he knows your belief system. He also knows why you have that belief system. For example, every Monday night you go out singing with some of your closest friends. You do this because you enjoy their company, but you also do this because it reminds you of when you were younger and were the lead singer in a band. If he doesn’t take this seriously, then he’s probably not the one for you. He doesn’t have to understand why you need 15 throw pillows or 15 different eyeshadows. What’s important is that he can tolerate it and that he understands that it's important to you.
2. Do your closest friends and family think he's just using you?
Sometimes your friends and family don’t like your partner. This may have something to do with them rather than your partner, but if they don’t think he has your best interest at heart that is a different story. Make sure to hear them out. Do they feel your partner has wronged either you or them? Do they have good questions to ask about certain problems or behaviors? They are your friends and they do have your best interest at heart. You need to remember this.
3. Do you feel like you're giving up your dreams to be with him?
Think back to when you first met. What was most important to you? Did you like going to the gym? If that’s the case, when was the last time you went? Relationships come with sacrifices, but if he is not supportive of your dreams, then it’s time to let him go.
4. Do you wonder if he’s telling you the truth?
He tells you he is going to stay home, but instead goes out with his friends. He says he will call and then doesn’t. He lies about big and small things. You find yourself wondering, "Why did he even lie about that?" You need to feel you can trust your partner. This is one of the most important things in a relationship.
If he does fess up, does he have any remorse? Or is it no big deal to him? Over time, the lies add up. If you don’t feel you can trust him now, you won’t be able to trust him if you take the relationship to the next level.
5. Do you feel like you can be yourself around him?
Does he bring you down instead of building you up? Maybe, you feel you have lost yourself in the relationship. If that’s the case, don’t feel stupid. This has happened to a lot of people in relationships. As human beings, you need a relationship. Sometimes you can take this too far and that feeling of not wanting to be alone can take over.
It’s important to know that when you are in the right relationship, you will feel you can truly be yourself around him. You will also feel more confident in the relationship, rather than insecure. If you can't be comfortable around him, ask yourself if he's the one for you.
6. Does your gut tell you he’s Mr. Wrong?
You need to listen to your gut! It’s easy to talk yourself out of listening to this instinct, but if you do this, it’s a big mistake. Start to trust yourself. You know what’s best for you. If your friends tell you to stay, ask yourself if they have your best interest at heart. Being alone can be difficult, but being with Mr. Wrong is even worse.
We’ve all been there. Is he the one? Questioning your decision is not a bad thing. You need to do more than pick petals off of daisies. If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it is a good idea to take a closer look. If this is the person you are planning on spending the rest of your life with, then put in the work to find out if he is the one. In the long run, it will pay off. And, you may find Mr. Right in the process.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.