11 Essential Ground Rules For Flirting With Guys Over Text

Photo: Jacob Lund | Canva
Woman texting her new partner being flirty

Flirting is an essential skill used to spark a connection. Flirting is a fun, creative, and playful way to communicate with someone and capture their attention. And, hopefully, their heart, too.

If you meet someone in person, flirting is about your body language and other nonverbal communication, such as sending signals through eye contact, smiles, and hands. But, when you are using dating sites or apps to meet people, you must know how to flirt over text messages.

Doing this well requires a combination of imagination and restraint. You will want to be enticing while not overdoing the frequency or the intensity of what you say.

Once you’ve been on a couple of dates, you might begin to relay sexier messages, but even then, you should keep your texts rated "PG" so you don’t give the wrong impression about what you want.

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Here are 11 essential ground rules for flirting with guys over text:

1. Flattery gets you everywhere

Who doesn't like compliments? Just don’t overdo it. One is good; two is the limit.

2. Be mysterious

If you tell all, what’s left to say? When you are a mystery and don’t tell too much at once about yourself, you’ll keep them interested longer.

3. Wait for it... wait for it...

Remember, you are a sought-after woman and are busy. So, don’t always reply immediately. Let them wait a bit so they wonder what you might be up to.

RELATED: Why He Texts You, But Never Asks You Out​

4. Tag, you're it

The thrill of the pursuit is elating when you get to know each other. If one person always starts the conversation or makes plans, you won’t know if the other person is bored or into you. Leave room for them to make an effort, and see they mirror the time and effort you have invested.

5. Let creativity flow

Avoid the mundane, like, "How’s your week going?" What can he say, “Good”? That’s boring.

Ask an unexpected question that’s simple to answer. Try something like, "Pancakes versus cereal?" "Tea versus coffee?" "Football or soccer?" "The Rolling Stones or The Beatles?" "Tupac or Biggie?"

6. Artfuly apply your sense of humor

If you’ve got a sense of humor, use it! If you are entertaining, they will want to know more about you.

7. Say their name, say their name

Hearing someone say your name is flattering, so toss their name into your texts occasionally.

RELATED: 10 Cringeworthy Texts Guys Hate Getting From Women

8. Fun topics make the merry-go-round

If you want to put someone in a good mood, ask them what they do with their free time.

What sports teams do they follow? Do they have any hobbies? What would they do on a rainy Saturday afternoon?

Get them to talk about themselves. They will think you are great at conversation.

9. Be wise with social media

You can use all of these tips on social media, as well. For the best results, keep it light, short, and fun. Avoid over-liking their posts or commenting too often, because you don’t want to look like a stalker. This is a place where less is smarter.

Since social media is public, don’t overshare about the two of you. Remember, they might not be as open as you are, and doing that can freak them out and push them away. Keep the special moments to yourself until you know where things are going with them.

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10. Smart texters text smart

No one can deny that texting is fun and exciting, yet you do want to be conscious of the content you’re sending. If you are looking for something serious with a guy and not casual, don’t start texting more intimately until you’ve had a few dates and have gotten to know him.

If you are just starting to message, avoid texting with men asking for more photos. There’s something creepy about a man needing more than what you have posted. Men often enjoy fantasizing, which might be why they want your photos.

One big concern is that any naked pictures you send could be on the web forever. Think long and hard before you start intimately texting or exchanging sexy selfies with someone you barely know. Sadly, this happens every day, and once something's out there on the Internet, there’s often nothing you can do to take it down.

The best solution is to send PG-rated photos that don’t include your face or identifying marks like birthmarks and tattoos.

Leaving something to the imagination can be the best kind of sexy.

11. Leave room for some face-to-face

Even though texting can be a great way to get to know someone, remember you still want to meet them.

Many women mistake someone wanting to text them all day as a sign they are serious. I'm sorry to say that is not the case. They might be lonely, bored, wanting to be entertained, needing attention, or enjoying the ego boost of your texts. This doesn't do you any good.

Texting is a way to get to a first date. However, it is not the best way to get to know someone over weeks or months until one of you finally decides it’s time to meet for the first time or go on another date. Some people have no intention of meeting you or getting into a serious relationship. Don’t fall into this trap!

This ground rule will make things very simple: if a person can’t meet you for a glass of wine or beer, a soda, coffee, or tea within 7-10 days, stop texting.

Chances are they won't meet you, so stop hoping their excuses are valid, and someday they'll find the time. They won’t.

There are so many good people out there. Don't hold yourself up and miss out while one person tries to get his act together. You want someone ready right now. If they are not, move on and find one who is.

Now that you know these 11 ground rules for how to flirt over text, you are ready to get out there and meet people.

Have fun, and don’t take any of it too seriously. Take the pressure off and build your flirting skills.

The more you relax and enjoy meeting people, the faster you will attract and meet the right one for you and the love you dream of.

RELATED: Why Too Much Texting Is Destroying Your Dating Life (No, Seriously)

Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.