What Guys Think When You Send Them Selfies

Do selfies show that you're confident ... or insecure? What men really think of your self-portraits.

Last updated on Jan 13, 2023

beautiful woman taking a selfie Halay Alex / Shutterstock

Are you taking too many photos of yourself for your man to handle — or not enough?

Despite the fact that it continues to be ultra trendy for influencers and even some of the people you know IRL to blow up your Instagram and Facebook feeds with pictures of themselves, researchers in the U.K. found that your selfies could damage your friendships, relationships with colleagues, and even your relationship with your partner.


Lead researcher David Houghton learned that posting too many selfies on social media can make you appear less relatable, cautioning people to be mindful of the fact your audience doesn't necessarily just include friends, but also family, acquaintances, and coworkers.

But does this mean you should you quit sending selfies too?

Do guys like it when you send them pictures of yourself?

This is a tough question to answer because it all comes down to personal preference. It really depends on the type of guy, the type of selfie, and why you send them.

But to gain a little more insight for you to sift through, we asked men to weigh in and share their thoughts.


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What kind of selfies do guys like?

Guys like selfies that show you looking and feeling good.

"When a girl I'm into posts photos of herself, it tells me that she's confident and proud of the way she looks — and I'm totally into that," says Marc, 33.

"A girl who's comfortable enough to take photos of herself and actually post them to her social media accounts (like Facebook and Instagram) is definitely a girl I want to talk to. To me, that’s sexy. It shows she's confident in her skin," says Brian, 23.


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Guys prefer quality over quantity, They want fewer selfies and #nofilter.

"I was into this girl once and then I checked out her Instagram. Every photo was a photo she'd taken of herself with dozens of filters to make her look better. It just looked desperate. I felt like if I dated her I would just have to constantly feed her ego," says Danny, 29.

"The last thing I want to see is photos she's taken of herself all over her house. Like 'Here I am in the bathroom,' or 'Look, standing by the fridge.' Too many selfies are a dealbreaker for me," says Kyle, 24.

"I cringe every time I see a girl taking a photo of herself. I don't think I'd be able to date someone who was that into themselves," Peter, 27, says.


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Guys prefer selfies that are private.

Sending a selfie you took for a specific guy directly to him is one thing, but when you post a lot of selfies on your public profile, some of them stop thinking it's sexy and start seeing you as insecure instead.

"If a girl posts photos of herself nonstop on her Facebook, I'm going to think she needs the attention. I don't want to be with someone who has to be told she's pretty nonstop," says Rich, 35.

"It's one thing to take photos of yourself and send them to your guy in a private message. That’s totally fine. But once you make it public — it's like your asking for people to validate your beauty or your looks. Sorry, but no thanks," says Tyler, 26.




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So, should you send him selfies, or should you stop?

The answer is really up to you and what makes you feel comfortable. If you are sending selfies because you think it's a fun way to communicate, keep being you. If you are sending selfies because you think it will a guy's attention, you should really ask him what he thinks.

Here's what some of the men we asked had to say:


"I think I'd definitely be the most excited person to see the selfie trend make it’s way out. I’m ready for it to retire," says Rob, 19.

"Who cares? If a girl feels good — and knows she looks good — then who are we to judge? Clog the feed all you want," says Anthony, 25.

"I'm torn — obviously I like to see girls looking good when I'm scrolling though my Instagram late at night, but at the same time, I wouldn't ever want a girl that's out with me to slink off the bathroom and take photos of herself. So I say yes, keep the selfies around, but only if they're done right," says Joe, 22.


"Selfies are less about guys and more about girls. It's like this thing they do to impress and make each other jealous. I don't think it has anything to do with guys, which makes it a little pathetic. It’s not like they're looking for our approval — they're looking for each others," says Steve, 26.

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Kylie McConville is the editor-in-chief of Apartment Therapy. She was formerly VP of editorial growth at BDG and a founding editor of Romper