Divorce Can Break You — The People Who Don't Let It Do These 10 Daily Habits
Jupiterimages | Canva The heartbreak of getting a divorce can cause a ton of stress, depression, and anxiety. Research from the American Psychological Association confirms that people going through a tough separation need healthy coping mechanisms and stress management techniques to avoid losing themselves. By practicing a little self-care, you can reduce stress and not let divorce break you.
When you're going through a painful divorce, it’s easy to put yourself and your mental health last on the list. You take care of your family and prioritize work. This doesn't leave much time for yourself. Our bodies are like a car. Just like you need to fill your car with fuel, you need to fill your body up with fuel.
Divorce can break you, but the people who don't let it do these ten daily habits:
1. They get enough sleep
fizkes via Shutterstock
Sleep will help your memory. We have become a sleep-deprived culture. The cost is forgetfulness. Research has pointed out that when you haven’t had enough sleep, you make more mistakes. This can affect your family and your work performance. Make sure you get at least eight hours of sleep. Take a 30-minute nap in the middle of the day. Not being able to sleep well is one of the effects of stress from the divorce, so make a concerted effort to get some rest. Your mind will thank you for it.
2. They change how they talk to themselves
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
A study of self-compassion suggested that changing negative self-talk makes it so you won’t be so hard on yourself. Do you continue to ruminate about your regrets? Are you always criticizing yourself? You can change that inner critic. When you start to take better care of yourself and put yourself first, you will be easier on yourself. You are human, and you will make mistakes. The best thing you can do is learn from them and move on.
3. They make time for themselves
Ground Picture via Shutterstock
Making time for yourself will help your mood. Have you been more irritable since deciding to get divorced? This can happen when you put yourself last on the list. Taking care of yourself will help you feel better about yourself. It will also help you set better boundaries. So, you can stop saying yes when you mean no. Your friends and family will thank you for this in the long run.
4. They have some fun
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Want to know how to cope with stress? A study of playfulness and stress confirms that having fun lowers stress and anxiety. As you get older, it’s easy to put fun at the bottom of the list. You are in a relationship, you have kids, a house, and a job. So, this doesn’t leave much time for fun. Think back to when you were a child, and fun just seemed to happen. You would be on the playground at school with your friends playing and laughing. Put fun first on the list again. You won’t regret it.
5. They exercise regularly
Rawpixel.com via Shutterstock
Exercise will help your heart. It is one of the best forms of self-care, yet so many people cut it out of their lives — schedule time for exercise. You can start by walking 10 minutes in one direction from your house and then walking back. There you go, you added 20 minutes of walking into your day. You are off to a good start. Try adding some weight lifting to your exercise regimen. Not only is this good for your heart, but it's also good for your strength, especially as you get older. A study found that people who have a regular exercise routine report feeling better, and you can’t beat the endorphin high.
6. They're realistic
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
You will be more realistic. It’s good to have dreams. In all honesty, it would be concerning if you didn’t. But there is another side.
- Do you have a realistic plan?
- Do you know what you are really capable of?
- Are you ready for some honest feedback?
If not, then you probably aren’t being realistic. A lot of people give up on their dreams, which is unfortunate. If you have a realistic plan and some realistic mentors, there's a much better chance of your dreams coming true.
7. They focus on what they can do now
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
You won’t feel as stressed out when you focus on the now. Tired of always worrying about the future? Will you have enough money, love, time, etc.? You can’t predict the future. Many people spend too much time thinking ahead. This creates a lot of unnecessary stress. Not only do many people spend way too much time trying to predict the future, but they often predict it will turn out badly. If you can’t stop trying to predict the future, then at least predict a positive outcome.
8. They let go of people who aren't a good influence
Dragana Gordic via Shutterstock
Letting go will help you end toxic relationships. Are there people in your life who you just can’t seem to let go of? You know they aren’t good for you. A study showed how their negativity will bring you down with them. They only call you when they need something. And they talk negatively about you behind your back. These people will only keep you down, which is what they want. When you feel better about yourself, it’s easier to let go of bad relationships.
9. They pay attention to physical and mental health
pikselstock via Shutterstock
You will be a better caregiver by paying attention to your health. When you don’t take care of yourself, you are at risk for burnout. This makes it difficult to take care of others and yourself. It can also make you feel jealous of friends and family who actually care about you. It’s hard to feel appreciative when you feel burnt out.
Life coach Roland Legge also suggested, "Self-care calls upon you to learn from the relationship that just ended. It is time to acknowledge what worked and did not work in your relationship. You can care for yourself by naming the areas of your life that need to be healthier. Then figure out what you need in your life to be your best self."
10. They enjoy life
Jacek Chabraszewski via Shutterstock
When you don’t take life so seriously, you will be able to ride through the highs and lows of everything more easily. You begin to realize you don’t have to be perfect, and neither does anyone else. You have realistic expectations of others and yourself.
You’ve already gotten through some difficult times and realize you can do it again, if you have to. Let’s face it, you’ve been around someone who just takes life way too seriously, and you probably couldn’t wait to get away. Enjoy where you are in life and the people you are with.
You live in a fast-paced world where it’s easy to focus on what you don’t have, rather than what you do have, especially when you are going through a divorce. This leaves you feeling like you never have enough. If you keep thinking this way, you will burn out. This can cause many unnecessary problems in your life. Who has time for unnecessary problems?
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. You should not feel guilty about taking part in self-care activities. It really is true, we can’t take care of anyone else unless we have taken care of ourselves. And, in the event of dealing with divorce and heartbreak, learning how to focus on yourself and your needs will also help you enjoy life a little more.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.
