If A Relationship In Your Life Has These 7 Problems, It’s Probably Time To Let Go
Tugce Acikyurek | Pexels It’s hard to know when a relationship should end. However, even in the midst of my failed romantic escapades, I’ve learned that if a relationship has these seven problems, it's probably time to let go.
It can be hard to believe that nothing good remains after you’ve caught feelings and they’ve reciprocated. Besides, whether it’s a flirtation-ship or full-fledged love, breakups are always painful.
Personally, I’ve agonized over whether or not I should move on because I never want to give up on anyone. Therefore, I let guys walk all over me instead of accepting all of the red flags in front of me. But there are a few clear signs that you're probably better off letting go and moving on.
If a relationship in your life has these 7 problems, it’s probably time to let go:
1. They stop texting you first
Have you ever seen the movie "He’s Just Not That Into You?" If you have, it’s about time you take a hint from the queen herself: “If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.” Waiting all day for someone to text you stinks, but if someone wants to talk to you, not even God himself can keep them from the phone. If they're not texting you, it’s simply because they don’t want to.
When one person is always the one hitting 'send' while the other can't be bothered, that says a lot more about the relationship than it does about either person's phone habits. This aligns with Dr. John Gottman's research, which found that couples who stayed together responded to each other's bids for connection 86% of the time.
2. They stop asking questions
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You know how in the beginning stages of a relationship, all you seem to do is ask each other questions? While asking questions may feel tedious at times, it’s an important part of building any relationship.
When you and your partner take the time to learn about each other, you show that you both respect each other and would like to know more about each other’s lives. So, if your partner no longer seems interested in learning new things about you, they might be done with the relationship and it's probably time to let go.
3. They no longer notice the little things about you
In nearly every cheesy romantic movie, a guy shares how he loves all of the little things that his girlfriend does, like twirling her hair or biting her pen. While I’m sure we all audibly cringe during those scenes, that guy is actually showing us how much he pays attention to his partner.
When people truly care, they can’t take their eyes off of you. Your partner should be so into you that they can’t help but notice your quirks. If your partner no longer points out how cute your dimples are or how much they love your laugh, it might be time to say goodbye.
One of the biggest building blocks of intimacy is something called "perceived responsiveness," which is basically the feeling that your partner gets you. A 2017 study found that when people felt like someone was paying real attention to them, they felt closer to that person and even acted more generously toward them.
4. The relationship’s novelty starts wearing off
Remember those girls in school who acted as if they would never see their boyfriends again if they had just one class apart from each other? The way they’d hug their partners like it was the first time? When you start overlooking those small moments, the novelty of your relationship has already worn off.
Once your love no longer feels fresh, some people might grow restless and start looking for greener pastures. When the newness and excitement start to fade, international relationship expert Anna Karimo says that “spending time apart can actually help keep the spark in your relationship lit.” This is because distance can make you appreciate the fun parts of being together more.
5. They never fight with you anymore
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We never see fighting as a good thing. As a child of divorce, though, I can tell you that it definitely is. As my parents neared the end of their relationship, they completely stopped fighting. Back then, I thought it was a good thing because no fighting means no problems, right?
I eventually realized that my parents stopped fighting because there was nothing left that was worth fighting for. Licensed marriage and family therapist Idit Sharoni says that when couples stop fighting, they stop sharing on a deeper level. They start keeping things to themselves and once that door to secrecy opens, it's hard to close.
So fight about which TV show you want to watch. Argue about what you want for dinner. Fight about anything and everything because in your relationship, you should always have something worth fighting for.
6. They make spending time together feel like a hassle
It can be hard for couples to navigate their busy schedules, so most people cherish every moment they spend with their significant others. If you start feeling like spending time together is more of an obligation, though, then it might be time to call it quits.
When spending time together starts to feel like a chore instead of something you both look forward to, your relationship might already be on borrowed time. Dating and relationship coach Amy Schoen cautioned that if “one person makes all the effort… the relationship is on borrowed time."
7. They stop seeking you out
Remember, a partner who wants to talk to you will always find the time. So, if yours isn’t actively working to see you, they probably don’t care. Now, I’m not saying that you should be spending every waking moment together, but your partner should never avoid spending quality time with you, either.
While these red flags have helped me understand when I should move on from my relationships, everyone is different. Always trust your gut and listen to your heart. If something feels wrong, your intuition is probably right.
Unwritten is a website that focuses on self-care, and health and wellness topics.
