My Crop Top Ended My Relationship

Be who you are and get what you want.

By BlogHer — Written on Nov 02, 2022

Photo: fitzcrittle / Shutterstock

In all seriousness, my ex-boyfriend and I were going to break up eventually. I think my cheap $3 crop top from Forever 21 just sped up the inevitable. We had been living together for over a year and I was at my breaking point. (I would try to estimate how he was feeling around that time but this isn’t his blog.)

Also if you think this post will be about how he made me feel insecure the night I wore a crop top, prepare to be disappointed. I bought the top about a month before I wore it out. I thought the sales associate neglected to put it in my bag.

I was getting dressed to go out with friends with high anxiety, feeling like I had nothing to wear. Frantically throwing clothes around our bedroom, I found my $3 crop top. My level of excitement went through the roof. I was finally going to get my opportunity to show off my chunky girl sexy like Gabi Fresh.

My boyfriend was sick and he decided to stay home. He has a chronic illness and any other night, I would have stayed in the house with him. The supportive girlfriend in me had been exhausted and she was tired of staying in.

I kissed my sick boyfriend goodbye and met up with my friends. I felt provocative and free.

For the first time in a long time, I felt young and energetic. My friends and I had a good laugh about my outfit and I danced the night away.

I returned home tipsy with a truthful tongue.

He asked, “Did you have a good time?”

I replied, “Yes, I had the best time. I didn’t have to worry about anything.”

A flood of thoughts rushed over me after I said that to him. Things that I don’t think I had been allowing myself to think. I had been trying for so long to be a good girlfriend, an effective communicator, and a potential life mate that I ignored my internal voice of reason.

I won’t go into every detail of why he broke up with me. Even though he said it first it felt incredibly mutual.

If you feel like you are not taking the next step in order to be “the good girlfriend” here are three things to consider before you wear a crop top and leave your boyfriend sick in bed:

1. Until you are married, you are single

After my best friend got married, this was her enlightening advice. At the time it sounded so harsh, but now it feels like an affirmation. The truth is that until you are married, every sacrifice you make in a relationship is a goodwill offering.

Be prepared to live with anything you give away during the course of a relationship. Would you loan someone a large amount of money, knowing there is a possibility you may not get paid back? Treat your time and energy like money in a relationship because you may not get that piece of yourself back.

2. Stop circling the runway

In the age of the independent woman, the expectation is for you to have it all together, all the time. It almost makes you scared to ask your partner for anything because you’re supposed to have it all together. Everyone is a work in progress You can’t always have it all together. For those moments when you don’t wouldn’t it be nice to know you have somewhere to land?

A safe place within your partner that you come in for an emergency landing. I feel like as aspiring independent women, we cheat ourselves in relationships. We engage in partnerships where we can’t land because our partners have nowhere for us to land. We continue to circle the runway trying to appear like we don’t need to stop for fuel. Eventually, you will run out of steam or worse crash and burn.

A fish and a bird can fall in love but where will they live?

3. Iyanla Vanzant is right

Anyone who has watched an episode of Iyanla, Fix My Life knows this statement: “You get to ask for what you want!” What is never said afterward is, "They may respond with 'no'".

After I wore that crop top, I asked for what I wanted in my relationship. His breaking up with me was a clear "no". Being told "no" is good.