11 Things Couples Say To Each Other When They Know It's Over But Don't Want To Admit It
Alex Green | Pexels Not every relationship is going to work out, and there's really nothing we can do to change that. But we would certainly like things to be different to spare ourselves the heartbreak in the end. Unfortunately, some couples are aware that their relationship is ending but are in denial about it, so they use certain phrases with their partner to convince themselves it's still love.
Humans feel the need to not only be loved, but also to love others. Love is practically part of our DNA, so it makes sense that some people would try to hold onto it as tightly as possible, even when it just isn't right anymore.
When couples know it's over but won't admit it, they use these phrases with each other
1. 'We just need to give it time'
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When someone is trying to convince themselves that their relationship is still full of love, despite the signs that it's failing, they think they just need to give things time to work out. Unfortunately, that typically isn't the answer. They've likely already given it plenty of time already.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala noted, "When a couple is having issues, a break can provide evidence of what's the best decision in terms of the relationship. It doesn't mean there's an official breakup, just that the couple is pausing the relationship for a certain period of time."
Pressing pause could give a couple the best of both worlds and allow them to have more time to think things through, without just staying stuck in the same situation.
2. 'I can't give up on us yet'
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"I can't give up on us yet" is something a person says when they won't admit that their relationship is over. It's an effort to avoid giving into their true feelings. Giving up often feels like you're doing something wrong, but sometimes it's the strongest and best choice a person can make for themselves and their partner.
Relationship coach Julie Wadley pointed out that giving a relationship more time by delaying the inevitable doesn't really help anybody. "When it comes to people and relationships, time does not necessarily equal success," she revealed.
When you're in a relationship, it's easy to feel like giving up is equivalent to quitting. But times will come when you have to give up so you can both move on to something that's better for you. You can't reach what's meant for you if you're stuck hanging on to the past.
3. 'They didn't really mean that'
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Everyone makes mistakes and deserves grace because of that. But not everything is excusable. If someone is doing something that seriously hurts their partner in some way, they should never write it off. Instead, something needs to be done.
According to psychotherapist Ivy Kwong, "If active, continual harm is happening, that makes the relationship too damaging to continue... If this is the case, it may be the most healing and helpful to end the relationship."
When one partner is causing the other pain, it's not love anymore. Or, maybe there still is some love present in the relationship, but it's not healthy or safe to continue it.
4. 'We were meant to be together'
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When couples use this phrase, it's a toxic mindset because it's detrimental to figuring out if a relationship can actually be saved. Some people are meant to be together, but that's not true of every relationship. People can't use this as an excuse to continue their relationship when it's clearly not working. In that case, they really aren't meant to be together, they just wish they were.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Lori Lawrenz pointed out that no relationship is picture-perfect, and couples may find themselves questioning the health of the relationship even when they're happy. Unfortunately, sometimes those questions can be a sign of a deeper problem.
"Have you felt a rift between you that can't be explained?" she asked. "Has it become increasingly difficult to communicate or share your likes and interests?" If your answer is yes, it may mean that the love really is gone.
5. 'They need some space'
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When couples won't admit their relationship is over, they may convince themselves that it's normal for their partner to need space. Things may not feel like they're really working out right now, but that's okay. They just need to give their partner room to breathe and be who they are.
But it doesn't always work that way. Many times, someone can give their partner all the space in the world, and it still won't mend what's broken in a relationship. What's worse, if they give their partner too much space, there won't really be any relationship left.
Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein said, "The request for space can trigger personal insecurities or feelings of inadequacy. You might question whether you did something wrong or if there's something lacking in the relationship. These insecurities can amplify the shock and make it feel more personal."
6. 'It's my fault'
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This is an incredibly sad phrase for couples to tell each other. They're blaming themselves for things they likely had no control over. It usually indicates that they're not ready to admit how much harm it's doing to the relationship, so an alternative option would be to take all the blame on themselves.
If couples are growing apart and losing that feeling of love, it makes sense that they might want to pretend everything wrong with the relationship is one person's doing. Although people may think that taking on all of the blame and assuming responsibility will make things better, that's not necessarily the case.
In fact, it's likely not going to work. As Kwong explained, "A cycle of blame serves only to increase conflict and unease, and does not help at all to resolve the issues in a relationship." In other words, whether one person is taking on the blame or pinning it all on their partner, it's not going to work the way they hope it will. It just creates a vicious cycle.
7. 'I still see a future together'
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Sometimes, a couple will envision a happily ever after together, feeling certain things will work out. But they can't let their idea of a future mess with their current reality. Because even if they think there's a future together, it may not be the same for both partners.
"Even if you connect with and care deeply about the other person, you might not be on the same page regarding big-picture things," Lawrenz revealed. "If your partner wants to settle down and start a family, but you'd rather spend your days traveling, it's a significant sign things aren't meant to last."
One person's mind may be subconsciously holding onto their hopes and dreams for the future, and they just can't remove their partner from that image yet. That doesn't mean they should definitely stay together, though.
8. 'It's not time to move on yet'
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Someone who wants to believe there's still love left in their relationship might say it's not time to move on just yet. This can just as easily be used as an excuse when the relationship really is over, and a couple is trying to decide what direction they want to go in.
Health expert Bruce Y. Lee explained that if someone doesn't truly know, it's one of the surest signs that it's time to move on and let go. "With any relationship, personal or professional, ask yourself how thoroughly the other person can answer basic questions about you," he recommended.
"Such questions may include what are your likes and dislikes, what are your goals, your hopes and your dreams, what tends to motivate versus disincentivize you, what is your personality like in general." When one partner doesn't truly understand the other, there's nothing left to stay for.
9. 'It's just a phase'
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Couples may tell themselves or their partner that they're simply going through a phase. Things are rough right now, but they'll get better soon, and this will all be a memory. While relationships do go through ups and downs, this relationship seems to be beyond saving.
According to psychiatrist Carly Snyder, there are four phases successful relationships go through: the euphoric, early attachment, crisis, and deep attachment stages. If a couple is falling out of love, it's possible they're in the crisis stage, or it's possible that they've fallen out of the stages altogether.
If there have been problems in the relationship for a while and one or both partners feel like they're no longer in love, it's likely not just a phase. Instead, the issues run much deeper.
10. 'They're the only one out there for me'
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By saying, "they're the only one out there for me," a couple may not want to admit that their relationship is over. But it's dangerous thinking that implies they'll never find happiness with another person, so they should just settle for what they have.
However, settling is never okay, especially in romantic relationships. Furthermore, thinking of someone constantly can have its downsides. Licensed marriage and family therapist Angela Sitka said it's natural to have someone on your mind, especially if you were in a relationship. But thinking of them all the time may not be a good thing.
When love is running out, couples have to allow themselves to think about others. Unless they're certain that they've truly met their soulmate, there's always someone else out there.
11. 'It would be worse to be alone'
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The idea that it would be worse to be alone than it would be to be in an unhappy, loveless relationship is absolutely not true. Being alone might not be a person's first choice and it might feel uncomfortable, but it's worth it to do what's best for themselves, instead of staying with someone just to be in a relationship.
Psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato explained, "Singlehood removes the pressures that can come with romantic relationships, allowing people to live and strive for improvement without as many constraints as individuals whose lives are interdependent with a partner."
Couples who are in the process of ending their relationship shouldn't feel like they need to stay together to be happy. Being alone is nothing to be afraid of and is better than being constantly hurt or looked over.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
