The Art Of New Beginnings: 12 Habits Of People Who Let Themselves Love Again After Being Really Crushed
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva The worst part of dating is when someone breaks your heart, and a relationship does not work out. It's hard to put yourself out there over and over after having a bad dating experience. But to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you have to learn to love again.
If you never take the risk to find love, you never will. So, you have to take steps to protect your heart while being vulnerable and open. It's a delicate balance, but when you find the person who understands you above all else, the hoops you have to jump through will be worth it.
Here are 12 habits of people who let themselves love again after being really crushed:
1. They let themselves be open to the idea of love again
When we are hurt, we are quick to start shutting everyone else out. When we are hurt, we never want to put ourselves in the same position so we don't end up hurt again. But you have to be willing to open your heart and love, even when you are afraid. This is crucial to find someone to have an intimate life with.
2. They allow their guard to come down
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When you open yourself up after being hurt, it can be hard to let yourself be vulnerable. But intimacy requires you to express your vulnerable side. You have to let yourself show all your vulnerabilities.
If you are with the right person, they will understand and appreciate you being vulnerable. That's a high form of trust when you open yourself up to someone else. The right person will respect you for who you are and what you have been through. Your perfect match will be honored with your trust and willingness to be vulnerable.
"Despite the myths, getting emotionally naked with someone doesn't have to involve sharing your deepest desires, failings, or secrets," pointed out life coach Lisa Petsinis. Sometimes, it's the little things you do to unveil who you are and take action that can change your life forever."
3. They leave heartbreak in the past
Sometimes, when you get heartbroken by someone you love, it can be hard to let go. But sometimes it's the best thing you can do. You have to let go of the past so you can move on to the future.
It's all going to be okay. Just because it happened in the past doesn't mean it's going to happen again. What's a better option? Being alone for the rest of your life or taking a chance and putting yourself out there again?
4. They choose to trust again
Sometimes you have to put trust in the world again, even after you have been hurt so many times before. Trust can be hard to come by, but it will all be worth it because when you learn to trust again, you have the opportunity to fall in love again.
Petsinis recommended "a no-regrets, look-forward policy. You cannot control anyone's reaction or the outcome. Vulnerability isn't about manipulation or fulfilling your own neediness. It's giving yourself without expectation and then letting go. This is the time to let the universe do its thing."
5. They learn from past relationship failures
Relationships are extremely challenging, and it can be difficult to understand your partner at many points. You can even feel betrayed or confused about what happened in your relationship. But all you can do is learn from your past relationships so you can have a more fulfilling relationship in the future. As you experience more, you become more understanding. Then, you know how to handle different circumstances as they occur in the future.
Marriage and family therapist Marni Feuerman cautioned that "modern dating can be confusing and anxiety-provoking for many, and various factors can contribute to this difficulty, including fear of rejection, social anxiety, and lack of opportunities. While difficulty initiating contact with potential dates can be a symptom of various challenges, it doesn't automatically indicate poor relationship skills. It's important to be open to learning and practicing new communication skills to build confidence in dating."
6. They try not to become bitter or resentful
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It's easy to fall into the deep pits of despair and resent people for what they have done to you. You have to believe everything will be OK. As you stay positive, everything will get better.
You have to start focusing on a more positive outlook on relationships. I'm not saying to forgive and forget, but rather suggesting you accept what happened for what it is and then accept things as they were.
7. They break down walls
We all have a fault where we close ourselves off to put up walls to protect ourselves and our hearts from being hurt again. But you have to start opening yourself up to the possibility of love. Without taking the chance, you keep yourself from finding true love. It's okay to be a bit guarded against being hurt. But you don't want to shut everything down. That will only make it so you can't ever find someone to share your life with.
8. They accept risks
Sometimes you have to open yourself to the risk of being hurt to find your soulmate. Nothing in life is guaranteed, so you have to accept that there might be a chance things won't turn out the way you were expecting. But you will never know unless you take the chance.
Counselor Terry Gaspard stated, "While all relationships present risks, they are risks worth taking. Even if you have been abandoned or cheated on, you can surrender your shield and allow your partner in. Healthy partnerships are within reach if you let go of fear and believe you're worthy of love and all of the gifts it has to offer."
9. They go slowly
After you've had your heart broken, it's a good idea to take your next relationship slow. Don't dive right in headfirst. You have to take time to get to know someone before you actually commit.
If you are with the right person, they will wait and go as slow as you need. Never let someone push you to do something you are not ready for. Remember to always proceed with caution.
"When you first meet someone, you tend to overweigh the few things you know about them, then evaluate them on these morsels of information, advised the late biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD. "Give a potential partner a chance to show their brilliance. The more you get to know someone, the more you like them and the more you think they are similar to yourself. You might even trigger your brain circuitry for intense romantic passion. "
10. They're honest about what they need going forward
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It's always important to be open and honest with yourself and your partner about what you want and need in your relationship. When you have been hurt, you should let your significant other know what you have gone through so they can check and make sure you are still OK as your relationship progresses.
It will also help you because you can be open and honest with them about how you are feeling. A relationship is a balancing act that takes specific actions to keep it from becoming one-sided. You have to be honest, and everything will work out the way it's meant to.
11. They stop comparing
When you start comparing yourself to others — yes, I know you do it, we all do — you start talking yourself out of being with someone. It's easy to slip into the mindset that "Oh, this person would probably want someone prettier, taller, sassier..."
But, instead of putting yourself down, realize this person is with you for a reason. It may be that you have the most beautiful, breathtaking eyes that they cannot look away from, or something about your personality that is alluring. They are with you, not someone else, because they want to be with you.
12. They remember that they're worthy of being loved
Lastly, you have to remember you are loved, and you are a person who can be loved. You are worthy of being loved, and you deserve it. Never let anyone tell you you are not worthy of being loved because you are. There is someone out there who will love you for who you are. You just have to find that person.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to put yourself out there after being hurt over and over again. We crave connections on a physical, intimate, and intellectual level. Every human deserves to find love in life, and sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find the prince who makes your heart skip a beat.
If you are still hesitant to put yourself out there, think about all the positive things that could happen when you meet your special someone. If you take it slow, you can get to know each other on a deeper level. This will ease some of your fears, and it will help them gain your trust. You can learn to love again when you realize you deserve to be loved and never let anyone tell you otherwise.
Emily Francos is a writer and book editor for The Urban Writers. She received a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French. Her work has been featured on YourTango, Unwritten, and MSN, where she's written about pop culture, relationships, astrology, and trending entertainment and news.
