The Art Of Meeting Men: 5 Simple Habits That Make You Irresistibly Approachable
Meeting the right guy isn't about trying too hard.
Tamara Bellis | Unsplash What you saw on SATC might seem like an unrealistic way of meeting men. I mean, come on — we women are always expected to get dressed up, walk into a bar, and immediately have men pine over us and buy us drinks? In all honesty, most of the time we end up buying our own drinks and waiting for the one decent guy in the whole bar to come along and buy us one.
Obviously, not every time you go out to a bar should be about meeting guys, but it sure would be nice if, for once, it worked, right? I don't know about you, but I don't exactly spend most nights at the club or doing some sort of activity where I get to meet people all the time. I'm normally working — and I'm sure you are too. So instead, I'm going to tell you a list of things I've tried in real life, and new ways to meet men that friends of mine have been successful with.
Here are 5 simple habits that make you irresistibly approachable
1. First of all, consider that you may be looking in all the wrong places
Let's be real, you're probably not going to meet a decent guy at the club. Sure, going dancing at the club could be a great way to meet a fun guy for when you have a Saturday night free, but the chances of him being actual relationship material are pretty slim.
One time, a good friend and I were at the bar when two attractive men hit on us — but instead of offering to get us drinks, they got our Instagram handles. Fast forward a few hours, later when my friend and I are buying pizza and one of the guys asks flirtatiously, "So you getting me pizza too?"
I'm not saying all men at the club are broke, but in all honesty, most guys aren't trying to pick up a girlfriend who is relationship material. And to answer your question, no, he never got that pizza or a DM back.
2. Realize that good men can be shy, too
Inside Creative House / Shutterstock
One issue a lot of us women have is that we expect men to come up to us and ask for our phone numbers. We even expect guys to guess that we like them by the way we glance over and bat our eyelashes, hoping they can sense our interest.
Men don't work that way. It sucks — times are different now, and men tend to swipe right on you on Hinge rather than say "Hello" to you. So sometimes you need to take that initiative — even if it's small.
I'm not saying it's your job to ask for numbers now! But try to do something as simple as starting the conversation or asking him a question. Are you in college? Ask the cute guy in front of you if he understands the homework, and try not to be dry with the conversation. If he doesn't give any obvious hints that show he's interested in you after you make that move, then move on. Simple as that.
Some find the reserved nature of a shy man to be intriguing and mysterious, according to a 2021 study. This can make a woman more curious to get to know the person underneath the shyness. Some women believe that shy men invest more in a relationship and are more loyal.
3. Be honest with yourself if you're still hung up on your ex
Have you ever noticed how your friends who recently became single start saying things like "I'm not meeting anybody," or "the guys they meet are weird," or "something's off about them, Trevor never acted that way"?
Try and pinpoint how many times you bring up your ex while you're talking about a new guy. If you're hung up on your ex, no one is going to be able to match up to what you used to have. You're setting unrealistic expectations for guys you've never even met.
You need to have a clear headspace and meet every guy with the intention of getting to know them on their own terms. Also — as a side note — remember, if there is an ex, they're an ex for a reason. Let them stay that way — out of your life and out of your mind.
Research shows that rumination is strongly associated with prolonged emotional distress and is a predictor of negative outcomes like anxiety, depression, and avoidance coping. However, radical self-honesty can accelerate healing by promoting healthy coping mechanisms and shifting your focus from the past to the future.
4. Just try it — get on a dating app to get yourself off the couch
Yuganov Konstantin / Shutterstock
Personally, I used Tinder right after a breakup — I planned to see what else was out there. Just keep in mind that you're likely not going to meet an amazing guy on these kinds of apps — you really need to think about guys' true intentions and have your guard up.
I'm not the type to believe that if I meet a guy who says he wants a relationship, he'll just delete the app after he meets me — and you should prepare yourself to be careful about who you let in your life this way, too. But even so, if you want to get out there and get on dates, try it out.
It's better than just sitting at home. But try to actually form a connection first and actually be interested in the guy that you're texting before you meet him in person.
Starting an interaction online can create a 'slower process' for individuals who are inexperienced or anxious about face-to-face interactions. A recent study showed that the asynchronous nature of messaging gives people time to craft a response, which can build confidence before an in-person meeting.
5. Stop focusing on finding a man and just live your best life
When finding a guy to date is the main priority, you're not going to find him. You're using this crutch of finding a man as some sort of triumph in your life, like it will fix all your problems. A man will not help you overcome your fear of being alone.
When you stop looking, you'll eventually meet someone when you least expect it. I've always met someone when I was happy being single — when I'm not desperate to find love, instead, letting it find me.
So take a chance and calm down about your dating life. Go on some dates, kiss some frogs — you may even meet a nice guy out there. Honestly, you'll meet the best guy when you least expect it.
Essence Lopez is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture, and relationship topics.
