15 Men Describe What Makes A Woman Girlfriend Material

Every man has their dealbreakers.

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While the rest of my friends were dating when I was younger, I was single, something that made me despair even though in those day dating just meant, like, messaging each other on AIM and maybe going on a group date or two.

I vividly remember being at a sleepover and bemoaning my solo state when one of the girls present said, "Let's face it, Becca, you just aren't girlfriend material."

Little Becca was shocked and floored, but also baffled, because understanding how to be a good girlfriend couldn't be that hard, right? What the heck did it mean to be girlfriend material and how was it so obvious that I wasn't?


At 34, I have only a moderately better understanding of what makes a woman girlfriend material versus friend or friend with benefits material.

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To my way of thinking, a woman is an ideal girlfriend if she is smart but not intimidating, kind and thoughtful, and clearly great in bed. But that's just one woman's opinion of what it means to be girlfriend material, because when you consider what men think, you might be surprised.


If you're single and you're worried that you aren't being viewed as girlfriend material, it can be tempting to try and change yourself so that you are. Do not do this. What seems less than ideal about one woman in a man's eyes can make her a queen in another's.

Still, if you're curious about what makes a woman girlfriend material and how to be a good girlfriend, according to men, you're in luck because the men of the AskMen forum are at it again, sharing their thoughts, good and bad, about what it takes for a woman to be considered "girlfriend material."

Here's how 15 men explain what it means to be "girlfriend material."

1. Be chock full of attractive qualities.

"Earnest, compassion, thoughtfulness, self-love, and dat a**."

2. Be caring and considerate.

"I could list a few qualities, but stuff like, 'Be safe on the drive home' and telling me I'm attractive and willing to cope with my anxiety (which I'm working on) are great positives. This is all stuff that shows they care."


3. Have kindness and compatibility.

"Compassionate, intelligent, curious, funny, self-aware. Physical/sexual compatibility is good to have, as well."

4. Have a down to earth attitude.

"When I was in my teens and early twenties, it was looks first, lifestyle second and libido third. Now, it's cooking, kindness, good looks and general chill-ness. Luckily, I've been with the same people for a long time and really don't worry about dating anymore. It's pretty exhausting and I'm mostly focused on improving myself and my family lately."

5. Be a well-balanced individual.

"Smart, considerate, friendly, energetic and happy. With a healthy sense of humor. Not seriously over-weight, and enjoys regular sex."

6. Have only high-quality interactions.

"Almost 80 percent of it is how our interaction is. Are we having fun just sitting and talking? My thinking is that this is what we are going to be doing most of the time, so we better have fun doing it. If that is going well, I can overlook a lot of things. There must be a baseline attraction, though. And long-term aspects, like if she is strong."


7. Be intelligent and passionate.

"Smart, has interests that they're passionate about, likes going to stuff like concerts and games (I do that a lot), doesn't hate their job, and is simply fun to be with. Having similar music tastes is a bigger deal to me than for most people, partially because of my passion for live music."

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8. Have compassion for others.

"Compassion, positive outlook, intelligence and, above all else, empathy for others. Not narcissistic."

9. Be gifted with a great sense of humor.

"Kind, caring, a tiny bit adventurous, and witty with a sense of humor."


10. Be independent and rational.

"Extremely good communication skills. Calmness, politeness, rationality. Compassion and kindness. Little to no sexual guilt and a love of trying new sexual things. Lack of drama and manipulation. Understanding that I need a certain amount of alone time. Responsible for her own finances, shares the cost of dating, and so on."

11. Have life goals that are in sync.

"Good person, intelligent (so we can talk about the meaning of life, the universe, the soul stone and stuff), attractive, matching libidos, matching life goals."

12. Keep an open mind.

"Willingness to learn and teach. Everything else can be taught and learned."

13. Be an all-around good person.

"Altruistic, loving, listens, understanding, and a cute face doesn't hurt either. And how can I forget: she must know who Ginuwine is!"


14. Put effort into the relationship.

"Someone who’s fun, pushes me, keeps me levelheaded, not too elated and not too depressed. Someone who’s affectionate and honest, and likes similar music to what I like. Someone who’s funny and can accept that I make mistakes but that I still care about her. Someone who puts in 100 percent effort, is open-minded, and has goals of her own. Someone who is willing to take thing slow and be her own person. Good smiles are a must."

15. Know how to cook.

"The ability to cook anything from scratch. I might not even like what she cooks, but knowing her way around the kitchen is sexy. (Not trying to sound sexist, but a lot of women in my area can't even boil ramen noodles in the microwave.)"

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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer, podcaster and former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek.