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You deserve better.
By Sidhharrth S Kumaar — Last updated on Nov 13, 2023
Unfortunately, sometimes people are in a hurry to get into a relationship and end up in a toxic situation. The societal trope that women fall for "bad boys" can bring horrific consequences. Some women are indeed likely to fall for abusive and unhealthy men as if it is considered normal or part of life.
But why? The reasons are many, but there are a few common ones worth addressing.
10 reasons why so many women fall for unkind men
1. Biology
Conflict can trigger a fight or flight response, releasing adrenaline hormones in the human body. This adrenaline helps build dopamine, making you feel good and may even make you feel attracted to or bonded with that person. However, in a relationship with an abusive person, the good phases are never constant while the bad stages are more frequent.
As the studies suggest, the maximum level of dopamine is released when you are in an intermittent reinforcement phase of repeated alteration between good and bad phases. Similarly, oxytocin builds the connections between people in relationships. It helps form a bond of trust that remains constant even when the other person in a relationship doesn't necessarily make you feel good.
This trust makes you believe that you can't get rid of the attachment even if you have an unhealthy partner.
2. Social media and societal pressure
The constant growth in the use of social media makes you desperate to get into a relationship by observing others' lifestyles, but you can't lead your life simply by focusing on what others do. You are supposed to be the only person to know what feels best for you. As we all know, "haste makes waste," and being in a hurry to get into a relationship often causes people to overlook problems and make a mistake in choosing the right partner. Sometimes they even end up with unkind men.
It's well known that social media often promotes unrealistic and unhealthy messages. Sometimes it even portrays abuse and having lousy partners in a positive way and everyone can be susceptible to that kind of pressure.
3. Not knowing what abuse looks like
If you have never witnessed any form of abuse, you may fail to recognize signs of emotional abuse when they first appear.
Your partner may apologize after abusing you mentally or physically, and you may consider it genuine, You may even think that you are too sensitive and overreacting to a less frequent and rare side of your partner. Gradually, insidiously, it can grow more frequently and acclimate you to greater and greater amounts of abuse.
4. Being stuck on the way things used to be
If your guy is a narcissist, he may seem appealing to you in the initial time of the relationship. Later, he might make sure you follow his orders and never question him.
These men have a superiority complex, and they will always try to push you down only to promote their thoughts.
Machiavellianism is another component of a destructive and abusive partner. They are cold and manipulative and never feel bad for exploiting you in a relationship.
5. A personal history of familial abuse
If you grew up in an abusive family, then you might be prone to abusive relationships. Growing up in an abusive family can make you tolerant of abuse through repeated exposure. Over time, your previous experience may make you feel like you are the common factor, and the fact that you're getting abused is somehow deserved, or your own fault.
6. Trying to be a problem solver
You may unknowingly have a savior complex, which makes you think you are the person who can save a man — and then you fall for him, the way one might with a patient. This can backfire hard and create far more problems than you solve, with you being the primary maleficiary.
7. Self-blame
While getting into a relationship, we expect positive things, which makes us afraid of doing anything wrong for which the association may get destroyed. When something terrible happens, even due to the actions of an abusive partner, you may start to blame yourself and think that this may have occurred as a reaction to something that you have done wrong.
8. Fear of not being loved
When a woman gets into a relationship after a very long period, she may fear losing it and returning to loneliness. This fear might make her tolerate progressively worse behavior.
9. A lack of confidence
Lacking confidence and self-esteem might make you feel that you can't go for a better relationship in the event of a breakup. This could make you stay and suffer in an abusive relationship that you otherwise would have left behind.
10. The 'bad boy' myth
We often believe in a myth, generally spread by the internet, that bad boys are good in bed. The "not caring about anyone" attitude makes us fall for them. The reality of the situation is, obviously, way different, a guy who cares is always going to be preferable.
Humans each develop dozens of relationships over the course of their lives.
When a person is born into a family, they bond with them by cohabiting with them. When they grow up, many people try to find a partner they can fall in love with.
Choosing a partner is a critical element of everyone's future. A toxic partner can make your life miserable by cutting off your personal privacy and freedom. On the other hand, a good partner can improve your life by supporting you in your endeavors and taking care of you when needed.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or the threat of abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or go to www.thehotline.org.
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Sidhharrth S. Kumaar is the Founder of NumroVani and a registered pharmacist turned Astro Numerologist.