Heartbreak

12 Tell-Tale Signs You're A Rebound For Him

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woman sitting on bed thinking

So, you think you finally met this amazing person, but something just doesn’t feel right. Your new love seems to have come out of nowhere, and they appear eager, almost anxious, to be in a relationship with you. However, instead of being happy and excited, you feel a little unsettled.

You used to dream about having this type of whirlwind relationship, but silently you're questioning your partner's motives because the relationship is progressing at an accelerated speed.

Although things are traveling in the fast lane, you realize you don’t know much about your partner's past. You've never met their friends or family, you haven't discussed each other's visions for the future and you don't talk about the direction this relationship is headed in.

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You start to wonder — are these signs you're in a rebound relationship?

Unfortunately, when people are rebounding from a previous relationship, they do so to escape negative feelings of pain and sadness associated with the loss of no longer being in the relationship. Jumping into a new relationship immediately after the previous relationship just ended is typically done to avoid being alone or facing the reasons why the relationship ended.

Rebounding into something new without mourning and processing the loss of the previous partners can limit your opportunities to learn and grow from the relationship.

When a relationship ends, it is important to take time to process what went on, as well as to identify your personal role in the relationship's breakdown.

Rebounders may seem to fall very hard, very fast for someone new. Their failure to learn from their role in the decline and subsequent breakdown of past relationships makes it more likely they'll enter into a new one with the same problematic behaviors and excessive baggage.

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Here are 12 common signs of rebound relationships to watch for:

1. Timing

The time between you and your partner's previous relationship is very short.

2. Lack of introductions

You haven't met your partner's friends or family.

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3. Lack of communication

You don't discuss your future with one another.

4. Preoccupation with an ex

You or your partner monitors your ex on social media.

5. Refusal to let go of old messages

You or your partner still have old messages (texts, voicemail, pictures, etc.) from an ex.

6. Rushed pacing

You or your partner has rushed into the relationship to avoid feeling incomplete.

7. Premature commitment

You enter the relationship quickly, despite knowing they aren't “relationship material."

8. Selective shows of affection

Your new partner appears overly affectionate with you whenever they run into their ex.

9. Unexplained difficulty discussing past relationships

Trying to talk about past relationships seems particularly painful, like the equivalent of pulling teeth.

10. Superficial communication

You try talking to your partner about their worldview, but they stay clear of heavy subjects, preferring to talk about superficial topics.

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11. A lack of intimacy in your intimacy

You are sexual, but not intimate. You don't hold, embrace, or touch other than during sex.

12. Inappropriate flirting with others

You or your partner participate in endless, indiscriminate flirting. It doesn’t matter who the person is. You or they select the first fish to grab the bait.

Breakups are never easy, but when they happen it's important to learn from them and take the opportunity to get to know yourself again. It's a chance to explore what has changed about you and what you are looking for in your next relationship.

Notably, being alone does not mean you have to be lonely.

Sometimes we use the words alone and lonely interchangeably, making it difficult to determine how we truly feel about the dissolution of a romantic relationship.

It's also important to note you can be lonely in a relationship, especially, if the relationship is unhealthy or has run its course.

Rebounding from one relationship to the next may offer a temporary distraction from negative feelings, but like most things of that nature, you will soon have to face the issues that ended your relationship, as well as the negative feelings you attempted to avoid by jumping into a new one.

Be kind to yourself and the new person you are interested in pursuing by taking time to feel and experience the breakup of your previous relationship so you can give to your new relationship unselfishly, honestly, and passionately.

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Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues.

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