The 6 Best Ways To Heal A Broken Heart After An Extremely Painful Breakup, According To A Dating Expert

Unlearn fear and self-doubt to heal and move on.

Woman upset after break up Andrej Lišakov | Unsplash

After a devastating breakup, it's common to look for answers to heal your broken heart and love yourself again. You might be at a point where you feel confused, sad, or want to find a way to be happier.

Every successful person has hit rock bottom before they could reach success, so you are no different than anyone else!

You’re just at a different chapter in your story, and it’s about what you do with your time moving forward that defines what happens next.


RELATED: The Most Painful Part Of A Breakup That Most People Completely Miss

Here are the 6 best ways to heal a broken heart after a painful break-up:

1. Be patient and okay with time

Don't try to rush the process towards your personal growth. Take your time, and your heart will heal.

2. Be compassionate with yourself

Don’t give energy to negative self-doubting thoughts of putting yourself down. Now, it’s not something you can control instantaneously and say, "No more negative thoughts," then just expect them to disappear. No, it takes practice.

You get so used to concentrating on your ego’s remarks, and your ego may respond by saying you’re not good enough, you’re never going to be loved, or you’re not attractive enough.


This becomes a subconscious habit, and you get used to these thoughts. Then, the thoughts play into our minds, and we start to believe them.



3. Be more present in the moment

Being more present comes with a whole realm of things. You have to be present to catch yourself in the right moments.

Be present with your thoughts as they happen. You’re not going to capture and stomp out every negative thought, and that’s okay, but start being present with your thoughts and controlling those thoughts to have a more positive outlook.


Tell yourself you are worthy, lovable, loved, and do what makes you happy. Start realigning your thoughts.

RELATED: The Oddly Effective Way To Get Over Someone & Fall More Deeply In Love With Yourself

4. Figure out why you're unhappy

Read some self-development books, watch videos, and invest time in things that will help guide you and stay motivated. Think about what you are dissatisfied with regarding your life right now. What are you trying to love about yourself again? Do you feel like you will never be loved again because of a specific issue?

Maybe you cheated, or something traumatic happened in your life. Understand when you love yourself, you will find someone who will love you for you no matter where you are in life. Love is intentional, and energy attracts energy. You have to love yourself so others can follow. Stay focused on self-development.


sad woman holds heart

Photo: Nicoleta Ionescu via Shutterstock

5. Know what you want

Hire a coach or a psychiatrist and invest in good books or courses to help you with your goals. Find a community so you can find support, new surroundings, and new people to be around. Hiring someone is always a great way to hold yourself accountable, and they can listen with an outside perspective and give you sound advice with a professional opinion.

A professional will be able to provide you with tools that you don’t even know existed! So expand your horizons, and take the time and invest in yourself to do so.


6. Do something that you’ve always wanted to do

This can lift your spirits so much. So if you’ve been dying to go hiking and you’ve never done it, if you wanted to book a trip to New York and you’ve never been, or if you always wanted to pick up the phone and talk to one of your childhood friends again, do it now!

Now is your time because time is your best friend, but remember that time is not forever. Living a life that you truly want for yourself will be so valuable. Envision the life you want right now.

The truth about how to love yourself again — and how this influences your life — directly correlates with all your relationships. You can learn how to get over a breakup with someone you love, heal a broken heart, focus on moving forward, and go on to live the life you’ve always imagined.

After a breakup or divorce — or during a transitional period when you are trying to find yourself — you can start questioning what love is and how to love yourself. When your heart gets broken, you might feel you're not wanted or can’t be loved. You might even be at an all-time low in your life.


You can start learning to love yourself again by putting things into perspective.

Relationships make us grow, challenge us, and show up so we can see where we need to work. When we seek validation from another person to love us to feel complete, we become unfulfilled, and our "baggage" surges.

What we haven’t worked on comes up in these relationships, and they can either become toxic, or we end up experiencing the death of attraction, which in turn pushes your partner away.

RELATED: 8 Types Of Painful Breakups You'll Experience At Least Once

Patience is the most challenging process in loving yourself and figuring out how to become happier.

Dealing with a breakup and the resulting heartbreak does not heal overnight. It takes time, and it takes effort.


If you put yourself in the state of mind to never give up, you will be rewarded in the end. Sometimes, it can take months or even years, but don’t let that discourage you. The most satisfying and fulfilling elements of life require investment.

Life is about constant work, and you master it by never stopping. Time is your best friend and can feel like your worst enemy. It requires patience, but as time passes, you eventually learn how to heal your broken heart and find ways to love yourself.

You must invest the time to be the best person you can be. You have to invest time in everything in life, and people tend to forget they must invest in themselves.

Take the time to invest in you! When we come into this world, we have no fear. We have no self-doubt. Fear and self-doubt are both learned behaviors. It’s about taking action now to unlearn the behavior.


Think about it this way: You’ve had to invest in everything of value in your life. Whether it is time, finances, or your thoughts, it requires investment to make the best possible thing in the best possible way.



Envision the life that you want.


Write it down or envision it and stay with that vision for at least two to three minutes. Do that every day.

Visualization is so impactful when it comes to your energy and when it comes to manifestation. You can create your ideal life, but you must do the work. Once you hold yourself accountable and understand that some days will be harder than others, you will have fewer hard days as long as you stay committed to the work.

I have seen lives transform as a result of these exercises. I know what it takes to make lasting changes, so I challenge you to wake up every day and do the above tips. Watch your life change before your very eyes.

RELATED: Just Got Dumped? 5 Feel-Good Tips To Heal Your Broken Heart


Apollonia Ponti is a dating and relationship expert and certified coach who works with men and women to get exactly what they want from their love life.