How To Get Over Someone (And Finally Move On)

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How To Get Over Someone And Finally Move On

If you're suffering after a breakup, rest assured that you can and will get over the person you once thought you'd love forever.

Whether you were the one who ended the relationship or your now-ex was the one who did the dumping, it's now your job to do the hard work of mending your broken heart and loving yourself the same way you deserve to be loved by anyone else.

Heartbreak is something most of us will face at one time or another over the course of our lives. And unfortunately, getting over a breakup takes the one thing we can’t alter — time.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t get over a breakup more quickly than you might think, even without the aid of Doc Brown and Marty McFly's time-traveling DeLorean.

Learning how to get over someone you love and finally move on requires you to feel your most painful, negative emotions.

Speeding up the healing process simply requires taking the simple, albeit undeniably difficult first step of allowing the pain to wash over you.

Too often, people get caught in the false narrative of how important it is to always be positive. Because this means repressing their true emotions, they find themselves passively giving in to impulses and knee-jerk reactions, leaving them feeling helpless and out of control as they wonder why they’re still stuck and can't seem to move on.

When you're in the midst of a breakup, it's normal to resist the experience and get caught in a trap of denial. You tell yourself you simply don’t deserve to go through so much pain. You want to believe you’re immune to life’s sorrows and that, if you just believe hard enough, it will all go away and everything will be fine.

Unfortunately, while it is true that you don't deserve to be in pain, that's just not the way life works. Only by being honest with yourself about the reality of what's happening can come to allow accept things as they are.

Rather than continuing to run from the inevitable pain that comes with accepting such a thing, being honest with yourself requires you to then sit in your emotions and allow them marinate.

RELATED: 5 Real Reasons Breakups Are So Painful (No, You're Not Just Being Dramatic!)​

Now let's be clear: You don’t need to (and you shouldn't) wallow in your emotions. But you should face your fears and truly feel whatever it is you feel.

In order to do this, you must first free your mind from judgment by telling yourself that all of your emotions are acceptable, even the ones that make you feel bad.

Once you've done that, you'll be ready to take the next crucial steps.

Here's how to get over someone you love and move on in 6 simple (even if sometimes painful) steps:

1. Ask your loved ones for their support as you heal.

Even though your heartbreak is a personal experience, you don’t have to go through all of it alone. Sure, no one else can feel what you’re feeling, but you can still rely on the people you love for support.

Anyone, from family to friends and from coaches to therapists can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or a safe space where you can blow off a little steam.

You need to grieve the loss of your relationship and your ex before you can truly move on, and a strong network of supporters can help you do that.

2. Practice loving self-care.

No, this doesn't mean lotion and tissues — it means self-care. After a breakup, look at your wants and needs and take care of yourself on an emotional level.

What makes for the best, most effective self-care varies for every individual, so establish a self-care regimen that works for you. Maybe it means joining a hiking club or signing up for a yoga class. Maybe it means meditating or taking a cooking class or getting a massage. What it boils down to is this: If there is something that will help you improve yourself, go out and do it.

When you're working toward actionable goals for self-improvement, you'll feel happier, even when you're still on the mend after a bad breakup.

3. Make a conscious effort not to allow yourself to get stuck.

The worst place to deal with a breakup is on your living room couch, where you're prone to getting stuck in your emotions.

Instead, open yourself up to making new connections (even if it’s with old friends) and having new experiences (even if that means stepping outside of your comfort zone) as a way to help you get over someone.

You can only get true fulfillment when you’re willing to let yourself experience what life has to offer. Remember that objects in motion stay in motion, and emotion is motion. Just like clouds floating across the sky, your emotions doesn't stay idle.

Your emotions will pass by you eventually, which is why time heals (almost) all wounds.

RELATED: How Long It Takes To Get Over A Breakup, According To Science

4. Spend time in nature.

Even if you find the outdoors more mediocre than great, getting out in nature is an excellent way to deal with a breakup.

Use the woods or a desolate beach as a place to reflect. Write down the things you want to let go of and then, quite literally, let go of them — burn them (safely), tie them to a balloon and release them, or put them in a bottle and toss them out to sea.

Allow the solace and serenity of Mother Nature to be your wing-woman as you work to heal your broken heart.

5. Process your thoughts by audio journaling.

Traditional journaling in a diary isn't an effective strategy for everyone. So if you feel more comfortable talking through things than putting them down on paper, consider audio journaling — where you record your thoughts, rather than writing them.

This cathartic process can help you to get things off your chest and better process the emotions you're feeling post-breakup.

RELATED: Why Journaling Is The Best Form Of Self-Care + 10 Writing Prompts To Spark Creativity

6. Learn how to sit with your emotions.

As part of your healing process, make an active choice to feel and experience your emotions when you have them. Deal with them. Acknowledge them. Be mad at them or sad at them. But allow yourself to exist with them in the moment.

Need help with sitting with your emotions? There’s an app for that! Insight Timer is an app you can use to give yourself a small block of time (start with 15 minutes or so) and allow yourself to simply sit with your emotions.

So to help you get over your breakup more quickly, practice sitting with your emotions, accepting them, and then going on with your day. Sitting with your emotions on a regular basis helps you remind yourself that, no matter how painful your breakup was, you are strong enough to survive it.

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Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator who offers private virtual coaching sessions and online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide on 8 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship.