6 Sacrifices Parents Make That Children Usually Never Appreciate, According To Experts
Your kids may never say thank you, but these quiet sacrifices often shape their entire future, experts say.
Helena Lopes | Canva Some kids never realize the sacrifices their parent or parents made for them, while some children recognize these sacrifices later in life, once they are grown and have children of their own, or have life experiences to illuminate all their parents gave up for a brighter tomorrow.
In 2022, researchers interviewed a group of men and women who were separated from both their parents due to political reasons during the Greek Civil War. The adult children viewed their childhood experiences of parental separation primarily as a sacred sacrifice their parents made, as well as having enhanced parental idealization, which led to justifying the separation, following in their parents' footsteps, and having a greater sense of belonging.
Here are six sacrifices parents make that their children never appreciate, according to experts:
1. Staying at an unsatisfying job
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Life coach Sidhharrth S. Kumaar points out that many parents will stay in demanding, unsatisfying occupations merely to afford better education, healthcare, and better opportunities for their children, though it compromises the parents' pleasure.
For low-income families, not working overtime could cause food insecurity issues. A 2010 study showed "access to adequate food for active, healthy living is an important foundation for children's good nutrition and health," and showed "evidence of the determinants of food insecurity and its consequences for children's health and development" in low-income families. Many children will only see the absence of the parent and not the survival role their absence plays.
2. Putting themselves last
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Parents who put their children first by forsaking new clothes for themselves, or budgeting so their children may go on school vacations, are often overlooked in their sacrifice as well, adds coach Kumaar.
According to The Brookings Institution, total family expenses for a child born in 2015, adjusted for higher future inflation, would be $310,605, a large sum that does not include allowances for emergency expenses or education past the age of 18.
3. Persisting through sleepless nights
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One of the sacrifices parents make that children often rarely or never appreciate is the sleepless nights spent caring for them when they’re sick, recalls life coach Lisa Petsinis. Parents will often sleep on the floor next to their child's bed, checking in every hour to ensure there’s no emergency, and sacrificing their rest to provide constant supervision.
They expose themselves to the very illness they are trying to manage, all while battling exhaustion. This vigilance, fueled by love and a sense of duty, is a selfless act of caregiving that often goes unnoticed until children become parents themselves and realize the full extent of that devotion.
4. Giving as much as they can with limited resources
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Clinical psychologist Sharon Saline knows that doing the best they can with the emotional, physical, or financial resources available to the parents is a sacrifice children have trouble seeing. Often, the parents are doing better and giving more than they ever received.
Relationship quality and financial difficulties are a challenge for many parents who did the best they could with what they had. Research findings from 2010 showed "many predictors of low relationship quality and stability in fragile families, including low economic resources, government policies that discourage marriage, gender distrust and acceptance of single motherhood, ratios that favor men, children from previous unions, and psychological factors that make it difficult for parents to maintain healthy relationships."
5. Sparing them the weight of adult burdens
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Parents often shield their children from personal hardships to preserve their innocence, protect them from emotional distress, and spare them the weight of adult burdens they were never meant to carry, asserts forensic psychologist Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, PhD.
6. Taking the time to feed them well
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Counselor Larry Michel states the simple, bluntly, but studies published in 2019 agree that "Parents should be encouraged to create healthful and structured mealtimes and to remain responsive to their children’s hunger."
The studies showed that "Food-related parenting practices consist of a wide range of goal-directed behaviors including role modeling of healthy dietary intake; encouraging children to eat specific foods; requiring children to clean their plates at mealtimes; restricting the intake of particular foods; and establishing mealtime rules and routines."
Parents take a lot of hits for their kids when it comes to giving up happiness, comfort, and goals. Yet, most parents would agree that giving their child a better future by making a good present is worth everything they might give up to make a memorable past and a brighter tomorrow for their kids.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
