5 Personality Traits You Might Have If Your Childhood Was Emotionally Chaotic

Even the most seemingly perfect homes come with negative attributes, as from our earliest age, we are shown what is good and bad, right and wrong, and conditioned to quickly judge and conclude.

If your childhood was filled with emotional unpredictability, it likely shaped more than just your memories. There are often personality traits that emerge from growing up in an emotionally chaotic environment, but it's critical to remember that these traits aren't flaws: they're adaptive responses to instability, and recognizing them is the first step toward healing.

Here are five personality traits you might have if your childhood was emotionally chaotic:

1. You struggle to feel safe in the world

woman whose childhood was emotionally chaotic and distrusts the world Ground Picture / Shutterstock

Chances are that if you were raised in a negative environment, you will see the world through a dark lens yourself. A 2011 study helps us see how this can manifest as trust issues, suspicions, or paranoia about others potentially harming you, and even feelings of hopelessness and despair about the meaning of life.

— Dr. Gloria Brame, PhD, therapist

2. You invest more energy in friendships than family relationships

woman with an emotionally chaotic childhood who focuses on the lack Yuri A / Shutterstock

The sign you were raised in a predominately negative home is a home that focuses on all the things we don't have, every which way to make a person or people wrong, and where parents and siblings are quick to call or give others demeaning names, like lazy, irresponsible, liar, and lazy.

We know deep inside we are capable and caring good person, but our homes are not where we go to get that feedback. When these signs are blatantly present, friends, teachers, mentors, and advisors are important to receive the positive reflections that all of us benefit from.

— Larry Michel, AKA The Love Shepherd, Founder: Institute of Genetic Energetics

3. You tolerate behavior that doesn't match your worth

woman who had an emotionally chaotic childhood and questions everything fizkes / Shutterstock

When yelling, fighting, slamming doors, and puddles of tears are your normal, that's what you expect from life. Those behaviors create a picture in your mind that can never be erased. You start to think you deserve those things, so you put up with it in all your future relationships.

— Alex Alexander, Author

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4. You mentally check out when things feel overwhelming

woman with an emotionally chaotic childhood who disassociates CarlosBarquero / Shutterstock

Because of my mother’s neglect and my father’s alcoholism, I learned to disassociate from what was happening around me. I compartmentalized my feelings and experiences and disengaged emotionally. This served me well when I married a man at twenty-five.

This coping mechanism also meant I couldn’t engage in relationships meaningfully, as supported by 2004 research. I could play the part, but I was emotionally aloof, and because there was never a guarantee that I would be loved, I always held my true self back.

I was plagued by the idea that I had to earn love by being the ideal friend, model wife, or perfect mother. That type of mindset is exhausting, and it took me until I was fifty to break free.

— Kim Kelly Stamp, Author

5. You ache for love but rarely feel it

man who had a emotionally chaotic childhood and doesn't feel loved SOMKID THONGDEE / Shutterstock

The experience of growing up with unloving parents can leave you feeling unworthy or guilty, especially if you believe your parents loved you and did their absolute best. Yet, here you are, still not feeling loved. How can you ever understand how to love yourself?

I honestly don’t doubt that my parents loved me when I grew up. They did it in their unique way, the way it was expected and done in those days, but I never really felt loved.

I was a restless child and easily got angry and frustrated, even though I didn’t have a clue why. Nobody else seemed to understand or even care why I was that way.

We were always told to be quiet and do as we were told, so early on, I learned to contain myself in a way that caused a lot of restlessness. I had a lot of energy, and consequently had a lot to contain, and was often told that I was bad. I think this describes a pretty common childhood for many of us who grew up at that time.

Yes, I was loved, but I didn’t feel it. Emotionally and spiritually, I was starved and malnourished.

— Pernilla Lillarose, Spiritual Coach

A Cognitive Therapy and Research study agrees that we need to consider changing negative thought patterns to improve mental health. However, growing up in a predominantly negative home preconditions the brain for negativity, and finding or appreciating the good in life can be challenging.

However, the awareness of the long-term effects of growing up under an umbrella of dysfunction can help you develop a more positive outlook on life.

Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.