If A Parent Does These 2 Things, It’s 100% Certain Their Kids Feel Safe With Them
JESSICA TICOZZELLI | Canva We all know them: The parent who needs every detail of her kids' existence to epitomize perfection. Whether it's receiving top grades in school, getting the fastest time on the track, or cleaning the dishes correctly (AKA their way), they're meticulous about everything being just right. But stressed-out parents are stressing their kids out, too.
We forget that kids have the same pressures outside the house from teachers, coaches, friends, and, unfortunately, bullies. They're striving to succeed, and sometimes, as we all do, they will fail. It's only natural. But the extra pressure from Mom or Dad makes it that much more difficult. Do you think you're stressing your kids out or making them feel unsafe to come to you?
Life coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger, life coach and radio host Joan Jerkovich, counselor and therapist Dr. Pat Love, and relationship coach Barbara Ann Williams share the same message: relax! In the video below, they discuss why pushing your kids to be perfect negatively affects their growth, as well as how safe they feel with you.
If a parent does these 2 things, it’s almost 100% certain their kids feel safe with them:
1. They are their child's cheerleader, not their drill sergeant
Be there to offer your kids support, help if they need it, and an understanding ear ready to hear about their exciting and difficult times. Even if they do fail, focus on the positive aspects of their attempts instead of offering your judgments or yelling at them for getting it wrong.
This leaves room for your kids to learn from their mistakes, and it lets you focus on creating loving, lasting memories with them that they'll definitely appreciate when they're older. The way you respond to your child's mistakes is the moments that determine whether they'll feel safe enough to come to you the next time things go wrong.
Being the best cheerleader for your children means matching the curiosity that got them into their situation with your own curiosity. It means loving them. What does this look like? Asking what happened before deciding they did something wrong (ie, 'What happened?' not 'What did you do?').
Therapist Barbara Ann Williams says that kids remember these memories when they become adults. "I think that when kids grow up, that's when you can have better relationships because they were okay in childhood," she explains. So if you establish a good relationship now, it will carry on into adulthood.
2. They practice what they preach
The best way not to avoid stressing your kids is out is to avoid stressing yourself out. Teach them that failure is an inevitable part of life. If they fail, it's OK — they can pick themselves up and try again with a better perspective.
Do this for yourself, too, with your goals and endeavors. You'll see that, eventually, you and your kids will have more successes than failures.
It might surprise you to know that your kids are watching you a lot more closely than it might seem. If you're working toward making sure your kids feel safe enough to make mistakes, but then they watch you lose your marbles when you make a mistake, they internalize this as a belief applying to others and not them.
Let your kids see you as what you are: human. As life coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger says, "We're human; we're meant to be imperfect, not perfect."
Your kids know you want the best for them, so relax and enjoy being their mom! Scroll up to the video above to hear more expert advice about how to establish a loving, supportive relationship with your kids and prevent stressing over perfection.
