11 Lessons Brilliant Parents Teach Their Sons Before It’s Too Late
Smart parents teach their sons soft skills.
Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock It's unfortunate, but parents often overlook the importance of parenting their sons in ways that are specific to the mindset, psychology, and societal expectations of boys. As a result, many men grow up without knowing how to handle many basics of social behavior, such as practicing restraint or fostering emotional intelligence.
Teaching meaningful lessons to their sons before it's too late and they make major mistakes that hurt themselves or others is critically important. If parents truly want their sons to grow up and change the world for the better, it starts at home, and sometimes, knowing which lessons to focus on is far from easy. There are so many parenting books, and figuring out which messages resonate for you can be a headache and a half, so we need to simplify things.
Here are 11 lessons brilliant parents teach their sons before it's too late
1. Respect is earned, not demanded
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The first lesson brilliant parents teach their sons before it's too late is that respect is earned, not demanded. Unfortunately, the rise of red pill content has deluded many young men into believing that respect is of little importance, and to earn respect, they must take it.
But, this couldn't be further from the truth. True respect is earned by observing someone's character and the effort they put in. People who are confident, reliable, kind, and compassionate are almost always viewed in a favorable light. Despite it taking longer, it is better to make a good first impression and lead with these characteristics rather than acting arrogantly and leaving a bad one.
According to a study published in 2016, it takes weeks longer to recover from a bad first impression than simply starting with a good first impression. So, teach sons to earn people's respect through their character. By leading by example and ensuring that their social media is monitored, brilliant parents raised brilliant sons who aren't consumed by the likes of Andrew Tate and instead, understand how the real world functions.
2. True strength involves vulnerability
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From a young age, many men are taught 'true strengths' involves sucking in their emotions and staying strong. However, this has led to a huge gap between men and women, where women are increasingly more emotionally intelligent and men are stagnant. From refusing to go to therapy to refusing to educate themselves on emotional vulnerability, a lesson brilliant parents teach is that true strength involves vulnerability. Sure, it might be awkward, but there's a reason why vulnerability is important.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Jennifer Caspari, Ph.D., "Letting your guard down and being fully yourself builds self-acceptance and self-esteem, enhances relationships, and improves quality of life."
Even so, parents can't teach their sons vulnerability without modeling it first. By allowing sons to express their emotions and being nonjudgmental when they do, they can create a safe environment for boys to thrive and become emotionally intelligent.
3. Mistakes must be owned
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Listen, nobody enjoys owning up to their mistakes. If given the choice, many would pretend they never messed up or simply forget the situation happened. However, there's a reason why owning up to mistakes is so important. By saying, "I'm sorry I did this, I know it impacted you this way, and in the future I promise not to do this again," people can grow and learn from those mistakes.
There's a power in understanding that men have free will and autonomy over their lives. According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, feeling as if one has autonomy leads to greater life satisfaction. Brilliant parents teach their sons to own up to their mistakes. It might not always be easy, but owning up to mistakes is a part of life.
Whether they like it or not, in real life, owning up to their mistakes will be the difference between thriving and failing in life. From jobs to relationships, having this ability to reflect and pledge to do better is the best way to keep the things they love most intact. This starts at home and entirely depends on the parents' ability to model this behavior.
4. Always do the best to keep your word, even if it's hard
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How many times have people experienced someone going back on their word? Even as children, most people can recall a time when their parents lied or promised them something, and then went back on their word. From stealing birthday money by promising they'll 'keep it safe' to promising to take them somewhere, only to not have time, these actions can have devastating consequences.
What's even worse, according to The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, is that 40% of US children lack strong bonds with their parents, meaning that they likely don't trust them all that much. So brilliant parents teach their sons that they should always do their best to keep their word, even if it's hard. Sorry, but going back on their word says more about them than it does the other person.
Let's face it: nobody likes a liar or someone who is inconsistent. Especially in adult relationships, most women won't put up with their inability to keep a promise for long. So parents, always do your best to keep your promises and teach the importance of it. Not only will this help raise reliable boys, but it'll also raise upstanding boys with good character.
5. Creating boundaries is important
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Filled with emotional intelligence and great social skills, daughters become women who know how to navigate relationships and friendships. While it might be difficult, setting firm boundaries is a requirement for a healthy relationship. Sons aren't always taught these valuable skills, which is why brilliant parents teach their sons that creating boundaries is important. Sure, it might be uncomfortable to voice their opinions, but everyone, including sons, needs to know how to say no.
As licensed psychologist Jordan Fiorillo Scotti, Ph.D., said, "Boundaries are the imaginary lines we draw around ourselves to promote physical and mental well-being."
Whether it's physical boundaries or certain topics they don't wish to discuss, knowing what their boundaries are is the first step to creating them. Fortunately, parents can encourage this by setting boundaries themselves and, by extension, teaching kids that it's OK to voice discomfort.
Kids naturally learn by copying their parents. So even if it might seem useless, don't give up. By continuing to model good behavior and by creating a safe space for communication, parents can raise healthy sons who have the emotional intelligence necessary to put their foot down.
6. All relationships take work
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Another lesson brilliant parents teach their sons before is that all relationships take work. It might sound obvious, but too many young boys grow into men who leave all labor to their wives. From cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, making appointments, and planning dates, women have become exhausted.
This is probably why, according to a Gallup survey in 2023, 33% of women are burnt out. As most can imagine, neglecting their fair share can lead to divorce. This is why parents must teach their sons that all relationships take hard work. By having their sons help out around the house and by creating a schedule in which sons can follow their list of responsibilities, this teaches sons how to do the basics, like cook and clean.
But if parents want to take it a step further, make sure to have family moments where everyone can voice any concerns or frustrations they might be having. Sons who are taught how to listen, sympathize, work through problems, and understand different perspectives are more likely to understand and be willing to work hard in their relationships.
7. Real friends will never pressure or be disrespectful
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While learning how to be a good person is a lesson all sons should learn, there's a more important lesson that is rarely ever talked about. Many sons struggle when it comes to their relationships with their male friends. It's important to understand that everyone, adults and children, wants to feel accepted.
The need to belong and have friendships is a stage all children go through. According to Duke University, at three years old, children are more likely to be peer pressured for the sake of going along with the crowd. So, brilliant parents teach their sons before it's that real friends will never pressure or be disrespectful. It's sad, but many young boys sit idly by while their friends bully them or, worse, bully others.
Too scared to speak up, they don't know how to leave a friendship that is clearly toxic. This is why parents need to teach their sons the warning signs of a bad friend and how bad influences can impact them for the worse. By defining what disrespect looks like, how they should respond, and viewing movies that include these themes, while actively discussing these scenes as a family, parents can help their sons steer clear of any toxic behaviors.
8. Stand up for what's right, even if you stand alone
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It sounds simple, right? You're supposed to stand up when someone is in trouble or when an injustice is happening. We've all seen superheroes such as Spider-Man or Captain America show compassion for others, so it shouldn't be difficult for men to understand that doing what is right is the most admirable thing to do.
But unfortunately, the message hasn't always stuck. Cases of people crying out for help while passengers ignore them are becoming all too common. And while it could be do to the Bystander Effect, more often than not, young boys aren't taught how to be more empathetic than young girls, causing them to turn the other cheek.
According to a study published in The Journal of Social Psychology, men showed lower levels of empathy compared to women. This is why a lesson brilliant parents teach their sons before it's too late is that it's important to stand up for what's right, even if they stand alone.
9. Know when to walk away
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It isn't always easy to walk away from friendships or relationships men thought would last forever, but a lesson brilliant parents teach their sons is how to know when to walk away. It's unfortunate, but most sons aren't taught about confidence despite how much it's talked about.
On red pill podcasts, it's not uncommon to hear theatrical music as men discuss how 'alpha men' are full of confidence. Yet, all too often do they neglect the importance of learning how to build authentic confidence and, most importantly, how it's supposed to be wielded.
Confidence isn't meant to be used to control or disrespect others, rather, it's used to keep their self-respect intact. Thankfully, brilliant parents know how to teach their sons this and are always finding ways to uplift them, so that way, when they grow into adults, they'll know when they deserve better and walk away.
10. Be curious, not judgmental
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From not making mocking comments about other people's appearances to not making fun of people's differences, a lesson brilliant parents teach their sons is to be curious, not judgmental. Both men and women face this issue. However, unlike women who've been given the "we have to stick together and we can't judge others" speech, sons are rarely taught this.
Too many parents neglect teaching their sons these important lessons in favor of instilling values like how to be strong. However, true strength (besides vulnerability) is staying curious and open-minded, even if they don't understand others. Not only does this set them apart from the rest of the crowd, but it also helps them better connect with others, leading to more fulfilling relationships and higher life satisfaction.
11. Respecting others says more about you than anyone else
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Finally, the last lesson brilliant parents teach their sons is that respecting others says more about you than anyone else. It should go without saying that respect is important. From respecting coworkers to their partner, the ability to view others as human beings worthy of decency is a huge indicator of who someone is.
If a man can't respect others, he's likely emotionally immature and possibly narcissistic. However, if he's able to respect others, especially when others are being disrespectful, this is a huge sign that they're emotionally mature and evolved as human beings.
Even so, staying respectful isn't always easy. As most parents know, the real world will test them. Still, leading by example and reminding them of this is the best way to ground them and keep those morals intact, even if it's hard.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
