Kids Raised By Parents Who Took Everything Personally Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
Photo Editor: Samantha Mafucci | Photo: Andrea Piacquadio, Pexels When a person takes everything a bit too personally, it can affect how they come off to their children. For kids who grew up with parents who weren't open to criticism, many innocent questions turned into a full-blown arguments, and it was exhausting.
Even after those kids grew up and moved away, their parents' influence didn't just disappear. They often pick up some habits that persist as adults.
Habits kids carry into adulthood when they're raised by parents who took everything personally
1. They over-explain themselves to avoid misunderstandings
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Kids of parents who took everything personally know they don't need to give a 10-minute speech every time they make a decision. It's common sense that they don't need to justify themselves just to spare others' feelings, but because their parents were emotionally immature, they tend to over-explain to avoid conflict.
They were raised to manage other people's emotions and hide their own. So, if they need to put their needs on the back burner to appease someone else, they will. After all, social rejection leads to greater aggression, and even the chance of a minor disagreement will have them reverting back to their childhood habits.
2. They seek other people's approval before making small decisions
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Despite what some may think, nobody needs anyone's approval for their choices. Adults have the right to do whatever they please. But kids raised by parents averse to criticism don't see it that way. They've always had to keep the peace, so they can't do anything without looking for validation.
They know it's ridiculous, but it's a habit they can't quit. From a young age, they've based all of their decisions on how their parents might react. Now, they lack the confidence to trust their own judgment. Unless they run it by someone else, they're pretty much at a standstill.
3. They say 'I'm sorry' for things that aren't their fault
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Deep down, adult children of parents who overreact or internalize criticism know everything wasn't their fault. They didn't fly off the handle and call people out. Like always, they stayed silent and agreeable for everyone's sake.
So, why do they feel the need to apologize for things that aren't their fault? In the moment, it's easy to feel frustrated with themselves, but this habit didn't come out of nowhere. They grew up walking on eggshells.
They weren't allowed to hold their parents accountable, let alone defend themselves. That's why they always say "I'm sorry" for things they didn't even do. As kids, they were always the scapegoat.
4. They punish themselves whenever they mess up
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Nobody is perfect. It doesn't matter how much they rehearse a presentation or how many times they cook a meal, because everyone is bound to make mistakes. But instead of living and learning, kids raised by immature parents take things personally, just like their parents did.
They can't just let it go and move forward. They were raised in such an unstable environment, so they've gotten into the habit of punishing themselves whenever they mess up.
As psychologist Guy Winch explained, "By practicing self-punishment, we ease our feelings of guilt, free our conscience, and allow ourselves to reengage in life."
5. They stay silent about their opinions to avoid arguments
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Kids raised by unstable parents weren't able to express themselves freely. To survive, they learned to keep their opinions to themselves. But even as they grew older, this habit never went away and they've carried it into adulthood.
It's important that if they can't grow out of this habit, they should seek professional help. Vulnerability is essential to growing as a person and deepening connections, and without it, these adult children can't become their best selves.
6. They make it their personal mission to make everyone happy
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It's impossible to make everyone happy. But kids raised by parents who couldn't take criticism struggle to accept this. They carry their past into their present, and make it a personal mission to appease everyone around them. They grew up believing it was their job to keep the peace.
According to therapist Sarah Epstein, "Emotionally parentified kids learn that it is their job to grow up fast and swallow their own emotional and developmental needs to keep the peace at home and manage their parents." Unfortunately, when those kids grow up into adults, it affects their well-being.
7. They rehearse conversations in their head before having them
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Some people might side-eye them like they're crazy, but kids raised by immature parents can't help but feel the need to rehearse conversations before they even happen. Every time there's an intense discussion, they know they can't predict the outcome, so their anxiety pushes them to overprepare.
That's probably why their conversations don't always go as they planned. The more they stress out about it, the more nervous they become.
8. They struggle to slow down, even when they're exhausted
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Deep down, these adult children know they need to slow down. They can't keep pushing themselves to the edge just to make their parents happy. But time after time, they ignore the warning signs.
That exhaustion they feel? They push right through it. They aren't concerned about their own well-being. They struggle to slow down, even when they're on the brink of exhaustion and burnout.
At a young age, they were taught to overachieve. Because their parents took everything personally, they walked on eggshells and hid their concerns and problems. Now, they're still in survival mode.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
