7 Things Gen X Parents Would Do Differently If They Could Raise Their Kids All Over Again
Marian Fil | Shutterstock Gen X parents did the best they could with the tools and knowledge they had. After all, they were the first generation raising kids who were digital natives in a time of unprecedented social change. Looking back now that their Gen Z kids are grown or almost-grown, they'd probably do a few things differently.
All parents have regrets, of course. Generational cycles shift and values change, and while parents are heavily influenced by what they learned from their own parents, what they learn from raising kids teaches them so much more.
Here are 7 things Gen X parents would do differently if they raised their kids again:
1. They’d have many more open conversations about money
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While conversations around money are certainly still taboo today, Gen Xers grew up in a society and in families where it was scarcely talked about. The default setting in families when it came to money and finances was to keep those things private, even from their kids.
However, bringing that same energy into their own households post-millennium only created a generation of young people uncertain and unsure about money. The economy changed dramatically, and suddenly everything their parents thought they'd learn through their first jobs as adults changed. Their parents tried to shelter them from the discomfort of real, honest, and raw conversations, and it didn't serve younger millennial and Gen Z kids all that well.
Gen Xers wish they'd been open about their family's finances, including their mistakes. Teaching them how much of their paycheck to set aside for savings would've been a great start. But they also needed to teach them to be wary of credit cards with high interest and even the dangers of online gambling. They just didn't realize how important those lessons were going to be due to such an uncertain economy.
2. They’d give their kids more of the freedom they had
While many latchkey Gen Xers are more self-reliant and independent today because of the unstructured nature of their childhood play and free time, there were plenty of downsides to their lack of supervision. Many swung entirely to the other side as parents themselves, trying to oversee every part of their kids' lives and make sure their presence was known.
However, there’s a healthy middle ground between a completely overbearing parent and an utterly neglectful one.
If they could do it all over again, Gen X parents who leaned more overbearing would probably take a step back. Yes, there’s more anxiety around safety today, but there’s also a lot more immaturity and entitlement, partly due to having parents who tried to solve all their kids’ problems, even if they did have the best intentions.
3. They would give their kids control of their schedules
Many Gen Z kids raised by Gen X parents were over-scheduled. Not only that, even the extracurriculars they were involved with were often guided and supervised by their parents. They were expected to be busy all the time, so it’s no wonder they’re clinging to convenience now that they're adults. While their parents may see them as lazy, they're probably just exhausted.
Being able to look back now, often as empty nesters or with nearly-grown children, Gen X parents often wish they would’ve taken a step back. Even if it meant letting their kids opt into activities they wanted or letting them handle the administrative work, they know now that they didn’t need to be as overbearing as it felt like they needed to be in the moment.
4. They’d be more focused on personal ambitions and interests
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Parents of any age and generation know what it’s like to get swept up in parenthood and basically disappear as in individual entirely. But Gen Xers took this to a much higher level. Because of their lonely childhoods, they often compensated by always being present with their kids and letting their own interests and ambitions fall away. Too often, they wove their entire self-worth and identity into parenthood.
If they could do it all over again, they’d give themselves more time and space to be an individual, not just a parent. They likely thought they'd have all the time in the world for retirement and empty nesting, but economic changes have made them worry about having to support their adult children much longer. That freedom they thought would come with their kids turning 18 is now far from guaranteed.
5. They’d release anxiety about their own teenage mistakes
Many Gen Xers, who were basically unprotected and unsupervised throughout their adolescence, can’t help but believe their kids and teenagers will make the same choices they did. That means they worry about substance use and other highly risky behaviors. They also worry their children will be victimized in the same ways they were as young people
This is human nature, and parents will always worry. What we’ve experienced in our own lives often feels top of mind as fuel for later decisions.
However, these worries and anxieties often led to overbearing parenting styles that created unnecessary hostility and resentment at home. Despite collectively caring about being more emotionally present at home with their kids than their parents were for them, Gen Xers often sabotaged that trust by assuming their kids will make the same mistakes.
Whether it was using phone trackers, setting strict rules, or accusing their kids of bad choices, they’d do it a lot differently now if they could.
6. They’d allow their kids to be uncomfortable
Instead of trying to solve every problem or shelter their kids from difficult emotions all the time, Gen X parents collectively wish they would’ve simply let their kids handle discomfort. Even if it wasn’t all the time, giving them the chance to tolerate a bit of uncertainty and the discomfort they need to grow could’ve benefited everyone in the long run.
Instead, many adults and kids with Gen Z parents now expect others to protect their comfort. They had the best of intentions. Their parents basically forced them to tolerate discomfort that wasn't at all age appropriate, after all. But looking back, they wish they'd struck that balance a little better.
7. They’d be much more strict setting and enforcing boundaries with tech
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While many Gen Xers managed their own anxieties about safety by shutting down unsupervised play in the real world, many let their kids roam unrestricted online. They had their own internet worlds as distractions and the internet as a free-range playhouse. This unsupervised activity wasn't out of laziness, though. It was because it was band new and they didn’t know any better.
Navigating parenthood in a newly digital age was new for everyone, and while we now know the consequences of early-life screen time and the dangers of the internet, few did back then.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
