Kids Raised By Parents Who Gossiped About Other Children Usually Carry 7 Habits Into Adulthood
Pics Five | Shutterstock Listen, everyone loves a little harmless gossip. But when parents gossip about children and their own kids hear it, some pretty unhealthy lessons are taught.
These kids often discover they can't trust their parents to be kind and may even fear opening up to them when they need kind advice. This shows up in later in life, too, which is why it's important for parents to teach kids to look for truth instead of going along with gossip.
Kids raised by parents who gossiped about other children usually carry 7 habits into adulthood
1. Relentless gossip that damages relationships
As the old saying goes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Kids copy their parents' ways of negatively talking about people.
Because it's so normalized, they don’t see the issue with speaking poorly about other people, so they carry this habit with them into adulthood. This damages their ability to build trust in adult relationships, including romantic ones, as whomever they're gossiping to will likely see the gossiper as untrustworthy.
2. Trust issues and two-faced behavior
studioroman via Canva
If kids grow up hearing their parents speak kindly to somebody in person, then go behind closed doors and badmouth them, then they learn it’s OK to be two-faced. Not only that, but if somebody is nice to them in the outside world, they won’t believe it, which is worse in some ways.
Instead, they believe that that person is actually going to go home and talk bad about them, just like their parents would. This can cause serious trust issues, not just with them trusting others, but also due to the fact that people simply won't trust them.
3. Bad self-image
In the same vein as having trust issues, kids who grow up with parents who talk badly about others may also have a bad self-image or be unneccessarily hard on themselves in ways that follow them for life.
They probably don’t trust any of the compliments their parents give, because they think they are being fake. Afrer all, as experts explain, “children cannot filter or contextualize criticism the way adults can" and often feel unmoored or lost when trying to figure out who they are and what makes them great.
They may become paranoid about being perfect, fearing their parents (and other people who are supposed to love them) will just find something to pick apart and judge behind closed doors.
4. Being way too quick to judge others
pixelshot via Canva
Once again, if kids learn from their parents, then they are also going to be quick to judge others. The issue is that if they judge people harshly, then they will most likely struggle to make friends with whom they can share mutual trust and respect.
There are many negative scientifically proven consequences of judging others, such as increased anxiety, negative mood, reduced empathy, and lack of friends or close relationships. That judgment can also boomerang back and cause these children to be incredibly harsh on themselves, too.
5. Avoiding conflict
Kids who watched their parents gossip about other children often learned that the best way to process conflict is by venting to your friends rather than confronting issues head-on.
While yes, this can be healthy if with the right friends, there are other healthy ways of coping with conflict. According to the Journal of Family Psychology, “children emulate the positive conflict resolution styles practiced between parents.” If kids hear their parents fighting all the time, then they will probably do this, too. Or, if they hear their parents gossiping constantly, they will do that instead of actually solving problems with other people.
6. A lack of empathy
Karola G from Pexels via Canva
According to psychologists Erin and David Walsh, teaching your kids empathy is a lot of work and something that happens very slowly over time. “Empathetic responses emerge over time in the context of caring relationships, modeling, storytelling, communication, playing, emotion coaching, and a whole lot of patience,” they explain.
That means they need to see their parents displaying empathy, something that just doesn't happen when their parents are constantly judging innocent children.
Kids need to be taught that being empathetic is an important skill and one that will take them far in life. If they are instead hearing very judgemental words from their parents about their peers, they will probably be slower to develop empathy and less likely to practice it.
7. Weak communication skills
Kids who have parents who gossiped a lot don’t learn healthy communication skills. These include how to communicate with someone when you disagree with them, how to give and receive criticism properly, how to give and receive praise and admiration, and also to talk to yourself. A
ll of these components make up healthy communication skills. If kids don’t learn it from their parents, then they will struggle as adults to communicate healthily. Instead, they think venting to others will solve the problem, but that often just pushes people away.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
