Bride Upset That Her Sister-In-Law 'Overshadowed' Her Wedding By Going Into Labor
Does going into premature labor really count as overshadowing a wedding?
Leon Rafael / Shutterstock.com American wedding culture is a rather strange thing when you think about it. It builds up anticipation for so long, especially for women, that the wedding itself often seems to become more important than the marriage.
Such is the case of a bride on Reddit with a rather… well, unreasonable bone to pick with her husband's sister stemming from their wedding day.
The bride says her sister-in-law overshadowed her wedding by going into labor.
There's no doubt that wedding culture is completely out of control, but usually when we talk about this issue it's in reference to things like the exorbitant costs of everything from the dress to the cake, and the insane demands many "bridezillas" make.
This bride's expectations are on a whole other level, however. Though, in her defense, she at least has some self-awareness about it. That's more than most brides in wild wedding stories can muster!
As she described in her Reddit post, the conflict began at her wedding itself. Her husband Nate's sister, Denise, has been her best friend since childhood, and when the wedding rolled around she was seven months pregnant. All went off without a hitch — until the reception.
Her sister-in-law went into emergency, preterm labor, and now her wedding anniversary is all about the baby.
She explained that Denise's labor was "a shock to all of us" because her pregnancy had been totally without complications up until then. Denise insisted they continue with the wedding, but the bride and her husband were so preoccupied with worry for Denise they ended it early to go to the hospital.
The baby, Ben, was thankfully born without major issues, and while the bride and her husband were very excited, she wrote, "I'll admit Nate and I felt a bit miffed that our wedding day was kind of stolen by this event."
"From that point on nobody ever talked about our marriage, just baby Ben," she went on to say. "I get it, new additions to the family are ultimately more important but my wedding day will never just be about my wedding, it'll be about Ben."
"Yes, I know I'm jealous of a baby," she wrote. "I feel [terrible] about it … I'm still working on it."
This is certainly relatable. Most people would probably feel a sense of disappointment at their wedding being upheaved, even by a joyous interruption like a baby. But it ended up becoming a much bigger issue a year later.
The bride declined to attend the baby's first birthday because she didn't want her first wedding anniversary overshadowed, too.
"Ben is turning 1 in two weeks," she wrote, "and that's all everyone's talking about, not a peep about our anniversary." The thought of attending Ben's first birthday was more than she could handle. "I already know I'll just be depressed and mopey the whole time so I asked if Nate could politely tell him I would not be there."
When he did so, Denise was understandably "pretty upset." They are lifelong best friends, after all. Who wouldn't be hurt by their best friend declining to attend their baby's first birthday, especially when that baby's birth was so dangerous and frightening?
Of course, the same can be said of a person whose best friend isn't acknowledging their first wedding anniversary. But doesn't a baby trump all that a bit? Anniversaries are ultimately about the couple. Nobody else is that invested. It's not really quite the same.
Denise definitely didn't view them as on the same footing. "She told me that she's picked up on how I seem sad whenever Ben is mentioned and said I'm hurting her that I can't tell her why," the bride wrote.
And when she told Denise directly, "I felt that my wedding was overshadowed by her unexpected labor … [and] I just need to not be reminded of it on my anniversary," she and her husband were deeply offended, and now they're all not speaking.
Sometimes we need to do what we can to keep our feelings to ourselves and check our unrealistic expectations of our loved ones.
Feeling sad and resentful about the situation is one thing. Actually withdrawing and speaking those feelings out loud, especially given the stakes of a premature birth, is a whole other ball of wax. And expecting people to celebrate your wedding anniversary? Well … that's just kind of strange, to be honest.
The bride's fellow Redditors felt like she was being downright selfish. "Your anniversary is an important date to you, but with all due respect it doesn't really mean much to anyone else," one wrote. "You know that Denise didn't do anything to intentionally steal attention away from you. Neither did that baby. Grow up a bit."
"Sure, your wedding was 'overshadowed,' It was a one-day party, Ben is a whole human being," another pointedly wrote. "I also don’t understand why you think people are supposed to be celebrating your anniversary. That’s for you and your husband to celebrate."
Sometimes we just have to suck it up and accept that things are imperfect — not because we're not entitled to our feelings, but because prioritizing them can sometimes be hurtful to others.
What ultimately matters is the marriage and the family relationships, not the big party that got cut short. Hopefully, in time, the bride can understand this and mend things with her sister-in-law.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.