Adult Children Who Avoid Phone Calls From Their Parents Usually Have These 11 Reasons

There are a number of behaviors, habits, and issues that spark tension in family dynamics, especially between adult children and their parents later in life, according to a study from the Psychology & Aging journal. From dealing with unresolved trauma, to feeling invalidated, and even being too busy to contact their parents amid the chaos of their new adult lives, many adult children who avoid phone calls from their parents usually have these reasons.

While it can feel like a personal attack for parents trying to stay connected with their kids and dealing with the natural frustration of disconnecting later in life, avoiding phone calls isn’t always as deep as it seems. Many adult children simply prefer other means of communication or would prefer to connect in other ways.

Adult children who avoid phone calls from their parents usually have these 11 reasons:

1. They feel judged

Woman who feels judged looking at her phone. PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com

Adult children who avoid phone calls from their parents usually do so because they’re avoiding judgment. According to a 2020 study, many adult children’s daily moods and general well-being are negatively affected by receiving unwarranted advice from their parents, especially in situations where they’re just trying to vent their frustrations or seek emotional support.

So, when they pick up the phone to talk about their lives with their parents and catch up, they can’t help but feel dismissed and judged when they’re met with advice they never asked for. It’s a hard habit to unlearn, but parents who show up to support their kids — rather than fix their problems and solve their emotional concerns — generally boast happier and more fulfilling connections.

2. They’re still dealing with childhood trauma

Woman with unresolved trauma looking at her phone. Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock.com

Many adult children harbor lingering resentment and unresolved childhood trauma, making regular communication with their parents difficult — even simple text messages or phone calls can trigger feelings and lead to rumination in their daily lives. From struggling with emotional regulation to dealing with physical symptoms, like experts from the Institute for Advanced Psychiatry suggest, childhood trauma can greatly affect these adult children’s lives.

That’s part of the reason so many adult children have opted for “no contact” relationships with their parents later in life — continuing to seek their validation, deal with their narcissism, or heal in the face of their manipulation is worse than cutting off contact with them completely.

3. They’re genuinely busy

Busy man holding his baby and talking on the phone. Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock.com

While many parents may struggle with the inherent disconnect that follows an adult child moving out of the house — struggling with feeling “needed” and wanting to be a part of their lives — sometimes, adult children avoid calls just because they are busy.

They’re building their own lives, working, and starting families and new relationships outside the scope of their childhood family dynamics, which can be uncomfortable for parents to cope with at first, but can genuinely benefit the health of their relationship down the road.

4. Their boundaries keep getting crossed

Man whose boundaries aren't respected looking at his phone. MAYA LAB | Shutterstock.com

Like any other kind of professional or personal relationship, parent-child connections need boundaries and open communication to thrive. However, when one of these two necessities suffers, the other often falls alongside it. For example, having boundaries disrespected can negatively affect communication, causing adult children to avoid their parents’ calls and interactions.

Healthy boundaries between parents and their adult children can really bring a lot of positive changes to everyone involved. They can enhance marital happiness at home and contribute to overall mental well-being, as highlighted by a study from the Journal of Child and Family Studies.

5. They don’t feel like they can be themselves

Man who doesn't feel like they can be themselves looking at their phone. Billion Photos | Shutterstock.com

Feeling invalidated by their parents for simply being who they are can be discouraging and incredibly heartbreaking, especially later in life when they have the power to go “no contact,” set boundaries, and avoid interactions, but may still yearn for closeness. Their parents are the people who are supposed to love, support, and empower them most in their lives, so realizing that they don’t approve of decisions or accept their identity is confusing and hurtful.

Adult children often avoid phone calls from their parents because they prioritize building community, relationships, and connections that support their well-being. They prefer to invest their energy in these areas rather than in parental relationships that make them feel invalidated and unheard.

6. Their parents are emotionally manipulative

Emotionally manipulative woman arguing with her adult daughter. ViDI Studio | Shutterstock.com

From gaslighting, to blame-shifting, avoiding accountability, and weaponizing their affection, emotionally manipulative parents can continue to keep their kids in cycles of insecurity and anxiety, even into adulthood, if there aren’t boundaries and separation.

That’s why many adult children intentionally avoid their parents’ phone calls later in life — they know they can’t help but fall victim to manipulation, so they remove themselves completely. Of course, there are often innocent reasons why adult kids avoid phone calls — sometimes because they simply prefer texting — but in cases of emotional manipulation, it’s common for them to protect their peace through avoidance.

7. They don’t feel heard

Woman who doesn't feel heard looking at her phone. Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com

Feeling heard revolves around communication, empathy, understanding, and trust, according to a PLOS One study. If an adult child isn’t feeling valued in the face of judgment on the phone, isn't heard when they express their struggles, or isn't safe enough to have vulnerable conversations, those could be some of the reasons why they’re avoiding conversations.

Everyone wants to feel heard, appreciated, and understood by the people in their lives, but when a parent isn’t making an effort to set their own needs aside, actively listen, or support without offering unsolicited advice, it can make honest and open communication that much more difficult.

8. They don’t know what to say

Woman who doesn't know what to say looking at her phone. Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com

Whether it’s a disconnect in values, a struggle with honest communication and vulnerability, or differing opinions about emotional topics, not knowing what to say is a valid reason why many people don’t answer or pick up the phone. Adult children who avoid phone calls from their parents often do so because they are dealing with inner insecurity or emotional turmoil that prevents them from speaking their mind freely.

So, how can you mend this struggle to connect with your family members? Focus on being there and supporting them, regardless of how much you disagree with them. Of course, don’t let mistreatment and disrespect fly under the radar, but avoid the urge to prove yourself or, worse yet, prove them wrong.

9. They'd rather text

Woman who prefers texting looking at her phone. PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com

According to a survey from Benenson Strategy Group and TextUs, 77% of people prefer text messaging for keeping in touch with friends and family, with only 2% arguing they intentionally avoid text messages on a regular basis.

So, even if it seems targeted or like a personal attack, many adult children aren’t going out of their way to avoid phone calls; they’re simply more attuned to responding to texts because of the convenience it provides over taking space and time for a phone conversation.

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10. They’re protecting their peace

Woman protecting their peace at home on the couch. Ground Picture | Shutterstock.com

“Protecting your peace” has become a widespread term that’s grown vague in true definition, but according to couples coach Robin D. Stone, it often means setting healthy boundaries and investing in habits that boost wellbeing. So, adult children may simply be avoiding their parents’ calls to protect their own well-being.

Whether they’re manipulated, feel unheard, or unnecessarily judged on the phone, there are many reasons why “protecting their peace” might mean creating distance in the parent-child relationship they’re in.

11. Talking makes them feel like a child again

Man who feels like a child talking on the phone. Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com

Many adult children feel like they regress when they’re under their parents' roof or sharing conversations with them, struggling with their personal identity, independence, and autonomy in the face of their parents’ behavior or language. In some cases, it could also be tied to financial situations — if they’re still being supported financially in some way by their parents, reminders of it could be infantilizing.

Adult children who avoid phone calls from their parents may feel more like a child in their presence, causing them to shut down, become defensive, or work harder to preserve their independence to avoid uncomfortable feelings of embarrassment or anxiety that society projects.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.