Parents Who Have A Favorite Adult Child Usually Like Them Better For These 11 Reasons
It's possible to favor certain children without even realizing it.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Even if they’re not entirely aware of it, many parents have a favorite child in their families, at least according to a study from the Psychological Bulletin. This hidden favoritism and preference, often demonstrated through specific treatment, behavior, and language between parents and their adult children, can be subtle because parents don’t always realize they’re favoring one child over another.
From financial stability, to family expectations, and general demeanor, parents who have a favorite adult child usually like them better for these reasons. Even if you’re not aware of it — as an adult child or a parent — it is more common than you might believe, with more than 65% of families experiencing the subtle consequences of favoritism in their daily lives.
Parents who have a favorite adult child usually like them better for these 11 reasons:
1. They see the world in the same way
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From political beliefs to personal priorities, family expectations, and worldviews, parents who have a favorite adult child usually like them better because they share similar values and they see the world in the same way. They don’t have to learn how to navigate conflict or conversations with differing opinions, so interacting with each other can feel safe, comfortable, and easy without added stress or anxiety.
According to a study published in the Psychology & Aging journal, one of the primary drivers of tension in the parent-child relationship into adulthood is a misalignment of values, particularly in situations and family dynamics that lack healthy communication skills and patterns.
So, when it’s easier to avoid being pressured into growth — such as forming better communication habits or practicing the art of conflict resolution in a healthy way — by conversing with an adult child who shares the same beliefs, parents naturally favor them, even if it’s entirely subconscious.
2. They live nearby
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One of the common habits of favoritism in family dynamics is simply spending more quality time together — an experience that’s obviously easier when parents live close to their adult children. Coupled with the natural disconnect and sometimes subtle resentment that’s sparked by an adult child willingly moving far away from their family, it’s not surprising that parents who have a favorite adult child usually like them better for these reasons.
Oftentimes, the boundaries that are so important for crafting healthy parent-child relationships in adulthood are also more easily respected when there’s physical distance.
Parents aren’t stopping by unannounced or privy to every single detail in their adult child’s life, which means favoritism with a sibling who’s living at home or close to home can fly under the radar for much longer. Even if the child they don’t favor is far away, they often don’t realize the mixed ways they treat siblings, which isn’t too different from how an adult child nearby might behave.
3. They make the parent feel appreciated
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According to a study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, feeling valued and appreciated by their adult children is one of the most significant predictors of well-being in parents. They not only feel happier, they’re more physically healthy — avoiding the consequences of chronic stress and anxiety a disconnected or toxic relationship often sparks.
Parents who have a favorite adult child usually like them better for this reason — they simply feel happier and more valued when they’re around. While it might be frustrating for adult children not receiving the same quality time or reassurance from their parents, looking inward could be key. Are they showing up in healthy ways for their parents? Are they holding them to realistic standards at home? Can they be better at truly supporting them and making them feel valued?
4. They don't argue
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Similar to having the same values or shared opinions about hot topic issues, never having to deal with conflict is often one of the reasons why parents favor a certain adult child in their family. Even though it’s often necessary and healthy for relationships to practice healthy conflict, it can be far more comfortable in passing moments not to have to deal with it.
Especially between mothers and their adult daughters, conflict can feel more emotional, all-encompassing, and wildly stressful, urging parents to avoid hard conversations and arguments in general in favor of an “easier” dynamic with another sibling.
5. They follow the path the parent hoped for
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Whether it’s going to college, taking over the family business, or even settling down with a marriage and kids, adult children who meet their parents’ expectations and follow similar paths tend to be favored in their family dynamic.
It’s not only a prideful experience, but also one of shared experiences and values — they share common interests and accomplishments, making communication and bonding much easier, as a study from the Psychological Science journal suggests.
6. They have a similar personality
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For people who struggle with empathy, accepting differences, and respecting differing values, having a similar personality type can make building a healthy relationship much easier. When you communicate in similar ways, have shared experiences, and understand how each other best resolve conflict, it’s easier to get along, at least for people who don’t want to do the work of understanding people who aren’t like them.
Opposites do often attract, but in family dynamics and with people who struggle through change, having a similar temperament can make social interactions and conversations easier, which is why it’s one of the reasons parents have a favorite adult child.
7. They're helpful and dependable
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Whether it’s being emotionally supportive or physically available to help their parents when they need it, being helpful is one of the reasons parents tend to favor one child over another. A study from the Frontiers in Psychology journal suggests that small favors and going out of our way to help others can be more profound than we imagine, helping to boost our relationships and even spark better self-esteem and mental well-being.
So, when an adult child shows up more often, helps their parents, and even engages in small acts of kindness, they’re not favored simply because they’re offering a tangible reward, but because they’re expressing gratitude in small ways that make their parents feel valued and heard.
8. They're low-maintenance and don't have hard boundaries
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Some adult children require more emotional effort — regular check-ins, deep conversations, or clearly defined boundaries — which can feel overwhelming for certain parents. But the favorite child often has a more relaxed dynamic.
They don't ask for much, don't take things too personally, and generally go with the flow, making the relationship feel easier and less stressful for the parent. That kind of low-pressure connection can be a big reason parents gravitate toward them.
9. They want similar things out of life
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Many parents have expectations for their children in adulthood, whether they’re aware of them or not, ranging from getting married to finding a job, and even achieving life milestones that are societally acceptable in their eyes. In adulthood, the parent-child relationships tend to either wither or thrive depending on how well those expectations are met, like a study from the Psychology & Aging journal argues.
When a parent feels like they can live vicariously through an adult child who achieved certain shared goals or met their expectations, it’s not surprising that they’d have a preference for spending time and interacting with them. Compared to a child who constantly pushes the boundaries of their beliefs, values, and expectations and follows their path in adulthood, an insecure parent will always choose comfort over favoritism of the latter.
10. They still need and rely on their parent
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Many secure parents and adult children adopt healthier relationship dynamics and behaviors later in life because of a rise in autonomy and independence. They’re not constantly grappling with the anxiety and emotional turmoil of a codependent relationship, so it’s much easier to achieve a baseline of trust, communication, and empathy for one another.
However, for insecure parents who struggle to cope with the natural disconnection they face when their children enter adulthood, codependency can feel safer and more validating. They yearn to feel needed, so they’re more likely to favor a child who is always around, asking for support, or reaching out, compared to a fully independent sibling.
11. They're predictable
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Whether it’s a symptom of spending tons of time together or a trait of their personality, being predictable is one of the reasons parents favor a specific adult child. If they’re already dealing with a lot of chaos and stress in their lives, having the security of stability and predictability can be reassuring for parents, especially when it comes to something as inherently personal and emotional as their children.
They don’t want to have to worry about their kids, so they tend to favor and “reward” — no matter how misguidedly transactional it is in practice — predictability, safe choices, and consistency over experimentation, eccentricity, and nonconformity.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
