How To Never, Ever Lose A Fight In Your Marriage (Really!)

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With love you have the power to transform any situation.


The greatest power in the world is the power of love. When you consciously bring love into any situation, you will transform it.

But the word love is like the word "God". It can't be defined in a way that everyone can agree upon. You can only know love in your own way. It's a feeling more than a thought. But since all our feelings start with a thought, love is first a thought.

You can choose what you want to think. In any situation, you can choose to think love, and you will feel it. Sounds easy, but it's not.

I remember having an argument with my husband a few years back. I don't remember what it was about but we were standing in the kitchen facing off with each other.


Fighting for us is rare and when it happens, I begin to panic. I'm not used to having him angry at me or raising his voice at me, it sends me back to being 5 years old.

I actually start to feel abandoned, like the panic I felt as a child when I got separated from my mom in a department store.

So there we were, having this argument and I started to feel really scared. My fear made me shut down and I stood there unable to think clearly or express myself. My whole being was high-jacked by my body's "fight or flight" response, the "flight" being the overwhelming favorite.

Then an idea popped into my mind from a book I had been reading on The Course in Miracles: whatever is missing in any situation is what you're not bringing to it.

It was obvious I was not feeling the love in this argument with my husband, I was only feeling really scared.

So at that moment I decided to bring the power of love into the mix.


I brought the idea of love to mind. I thought of how much I loved the man who was standing in front of me, so totally upset. As soon as I had that thought, I had an overwhelming feeling of love in my heart.

I was taken completely by surprise. It was like magic, all my fear and upset-ness drained out of me and I could breathe again. I could find the words I needed to express myself.

Immediately, the feeling in the kitchen changed, we both calmed down and began to smile and laugh at ourselves. The tension was gone and we hugged each other and said we were sorry for getting so angry.

This was a huge lesson for me, the power of love was no longer just a theory. I used it and had an amazing result.

I knew that remembering to bring love into difficult situations would not be easy. Love is illusive and hard to call upon when you're caught in the middle of feeling lots of other emotions like resentment, fear, guilt, anger, or blame.

The last thing you think to feel at those times is love, but it's the power that can transform any negative situation.

So here's what you can do next time you get upset with someone: try to think, rather than feel, love. Bring the power of love into the situation and see how it changes the feeling in the room, and more importantly, in you.