How To Know If You're Getting Back With Your Ex For The Right (Or WRONG) Reasons

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How To Know If You're Getting Back With Your Ex For The (Or WRONG) Reasons

Because it makes a MAJOR difference.

If you're like many people, your way of dealing your heartbreak after a break up may by trying to figure out just how you can get back together with your ex.

You may plan. You may connive. You may even track them on social media so you can run into them at places you know they will be ("So funny to see you here! Not!"). But the truth is that if the two of you are meant to be back together, doing so shouldn't need to involve some grand plan, and it shouldn't need to involve using social media as your wingman either.

Instead, it should involve giving your ex the time they need to heal, allowing yourself to change (for the better) and showing your ex that you have changed.

But before any of that can happen, you must make sure you want to get back together with your ex for the right reasons

Like so many things in life, reconciling has two sides to it — the good and the bad. Here's a look at both.

5 Of The "Right" Reasons For Reconciling:

1. You genuinely love your ex — and they genuinely love you.

2. You understand what the core problems in the relationship were, as well as your responsibility in them, and you believe you will be able to overcome them the second time around.

3. Your breakup was impulsive, based on one or two issues that caused one or both of you to act out of rashness, and these issues are solvable.

4. It has been several months or years since the two of you dated and you've both matured considerably.

5. You each agree that neither of you worked hard enough to save your union, and this time around, you're both willing to go that extra mile, including getting couples counseling or some form of professional help.

On the flipside of these good reasons are reasons that will never warrant giving the relationship another shot, no matter how badly you feel you want to.

The 5 Most Common "Wrong" Reasons For Reconciling:

1. You're afraid of being alone. A fear of loneliness is never a reason to date anyone, especially an ex.

2. Neither of you has worked on your issues and neither of you is willing to work on them. You just assume the second time will be the charm.

3. You want to date your ex only until something better comes along, and when it does you know you will break up with them again. 

4. Your ex dumped you and you only want to reconcile with them in order to enact your revenge. Hopefully, this kind of thing only happens in bad romance movies, but if you do consider doing something like this in real life, I implore you to think again.

5. You're completely sure that the initial breakup wasn't your fault at all — it was only the fault of your ex.

Sometimes attempting to get your ex back is a path you simply shouldn't take.

In these case, doing so would leave you and/or your partner even more hurt and frustrated, and you'll likely have nothing to show for your failed reconciliation but a whole bunch of wasted time.

However, if you want your ex back for the right reasons — most importantly because you love one another and are both willing to work hard to solve your problems — then reconciling can be a wonderful step you may look back on in 60 or so years and feel grateful that you did.