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Is he just lonely? Here's how to figure it out ...
By Ronnie Ann Ryan — Written on Mar 06, 2022
As you read this, women everywhere are asking the same questions: "Why did my ex text me out of nowhere (especially since he's the one who dumped me!)?"
Most times, the reason your ex-boyfriend texts you is simpler than you might imagine. You just need to understand how men think.
For example, imagine you haven't heard from a guy for several months — maybe even a year — until one day he texts you out of the blue, asking how you are. At that moment, you might think this means he's just been pretending to be over you and that's he definitely interested in getting back together with you again, right?
Except ... when you text him back, he disappears with no reply. Months go by once again, with him making no further contact. Then the same thing happens again. And then again.
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Why would a man let you know he’s thinking about you, but then leave the conversation with loose ends? Should you text him back?
I know this behavior seems really confusing, but that’s why I'm here to help!
Here are seven possible reasons your ex keeps texting you out of the blue, then doesn't reply and disappears again.
1. He’s big on fantasy.
Men frequently daydream about women they dated, met once, saw online, on the subway or on TV, etc. Texting you may give him something to focus those thoughts on. He clearly finds you attractive, but that doesn’t mean he wants to get back together or even really know how you are.
Don’t get too excited.
2. He’s feeling down or lonely.
When a guy feels lonely or down, texting you is a great ego boost. When you text back, he sees you’re still interested and then he's all set because he only wanted some confirmation that he’s still got it.
This exchange buoys his sense of masculine attraction, allowing him to move forward. For him, your reply was satisfying enough, so there's no reason for him to continue the conversation.
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On the flip side, women tend to be flattered by a man reaching out from the past and get curious, hoping for more — more conversation, more texting, and maybe a chance to start over again. We want to know the detailed backstory, so we begin to investigate.
Many women can’t imagine there’s a reason to text someone if you don’t want more, but that’s not how most men think.
More on that later ...
3. He’s showing off.
Maybe a man from your past is showing off to his friend or roommate about how popular he is with the ladies. He hands him his phone and shows him old texts from you as evidence. He then texts you in his friend’s presence, hoping you’ll answer and make him look good — as though he’s got a bunch of women waiting in line for his attention.
He’s not invested in the actual conversation and your response is all he sought.
4. He’s feeling sentimental.
Men, like women, can get sentimental. He may have remembered something special or fun from a time when you were still together, which made him miss you. On impulse, he texted to say he was thinking about you and ask how you are.
Usually, this kind of sentimentality is short-lived and he’s on to the next thought or memory, whatever (about whomever) that might be. This is yet another reason you shouldn’t attach too much meaning to a random text from your ex.
5. He’s had a few.
Drinking can sure bring on a sentimental state-of-mind. After a few drinks, texting you seems like a great idea. He might be feeling romantic, missing having a woman in his life, missing you specifically, or just missing female attention. Anything is possible when he’s not sober.
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But as is the case with all forms of drunk dialing, the morning after is filled with regrets. Nothing more comes of it.
6. He just broke up with someone.
If a man you dated a while ago texts you out of the blue, he might have just broken up with his until-now current flame. Feeling wounded, he wants to reconnect with you, no matter how briefly, to simply feel loved again.
He remembers you fondly, so he texts you to see what’s up. This is a temporary measure. As soon as he feels better, he’ll be gone.
7. He doesn’t think like you do.
As I mentioned earlier, the way most men think is drastically different from the way many women do.. Women have strong emotions and extensive reasons behind what we say and do. However, we often prefer not to reveal the deeper motivations behind our behavior. While men may have deep feelings or hidden agendas, they are more direct and simpler to understand.
Of course, you have to know what to watch for and you can’t rely on feminine thinking to figure out what is actually going on.
To be clear, don't expect anything to come of it when your ex-boyfriend texts you out of nowhere.
Women also tend to make excuses for men or hypothesize positive reasons for an ex making contact, despite a serious lack of information. We want to understand why he did or said something, so we assign his actions meaning — and end up feeling lost and confused.
To protect yourself in the future, don’t take texts from an ex too seriously or give them too much meaning.
If he wants to see you, he’ll ask. If he doesn't, that’s all you need to know about whether or not he's interested in getting back together.
HIs lack of reply or continually disappearing and reappearing clearly communicate he doesn't care enough.
His texting you is not a sign of long-term romantic interest.
Here's how to know if he is truly interested and you should keep texting him back:
Knowing the signals of a man who is serious can help you weed out the riffraff. When a guy texts you regularly, makes an effort to see you, calls in between texts and visits, and stays in touch, he is proving that he has serious interest in you.
The same is true about an ex-boyfriend who wants you back.
Consistent effort to get to know how you are and how you've been feeling show he may have true potential.
When you let go of guys who are hot and cold in their pursuit of you, you’re on your way to finding the right man for lasting love.
More for You:
Ronnie Ann Ryan is a Dating Coach who has helped women over 40 find love for more than 15 years. If you’re ready to stop wasting precious time attracting the wrong men or turning off the right ones, get her free e-book 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Man For Lasting Love