The Plain Reason Your Man Wants You Back (After He Dumped You)

Sometimes breakups are a catalyst for change — other times they merely couldn't find better.

guy hugging girl Ivan Samkov / Pexels via Canva

When a guy breaks up with you, it can be devastating. 

The hardest part is how he takes all your hopes and dreams for that relationship with him. When you think about all the time you spent building something with him only to see it vanish, it breaks your heart.

But because you're so strong, you grieve your relationship and (after a lot of ice cream and tears) you heal and get over it.

Then, just when you find the strength to move on, he suddenly wants to come back. And you're left wondering whether you should give him a second chance ... or tell him to get lost. 


Before you get too excited about getting back together, let's look at these three reasons why guys come back.

RELATED: If You & Your Ex Broke Up For Any Of These 11 Reasons, Getting Back Together May Be The Best Thing You Ever Do

Here are 3 plain reasons why guys come back after breaking up with you:

1. The grass wasn't greener

When a guy breaks up with you, he always thinks that being single is going to be great. That is until he starts seeing what's out there.



Men often don't realize how important it is to them to be loved until they are back at square one.


This is a big reason why guys come back.

While you're worried he's going to meet some exciting new girl, he's wading through endless profiles wondering what's wrong with him — or with them.

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2. Old shoes are comfortable

There's something to be said for what we're already familiar with. It's one of the reasons you're still thinking about him.

The problem is, if you let a guy come back at the same level he was when he left, you'll just experience a repeat performance.

If you are considering taking him back, you have to raise the bar.

For example, if you've been dating for over a year and see a serious future together, raise the bar to become engaged before you agree to get back together.


Raise the bar to whatever you're comfortable with — but please don't go back to the way it was. Go forward.

RELATED: Before You Take Him Back, Ask Yourself These 5 Critical Questions

3. The light went on

Every once in a while a guy comes back because the light went on, and he realized he needed to change. You can tell the light goes on when he wants to raise the bar himself.

He asks you to live with him, to get engaged, or to get married, for example.

This is an important distinction because you do not want a guy who will just come back, you want a guy who has a plan to go forward.

Sometimes breakups are a catalyst for change and a way to move forward.




Remember to never waste a crisis. If a man is asking for a second chance, raise the bar to create a new level of relationship.

If you don't see a light turn on, he's JUST trying to get back to the way it was.


Don't let history repeat itself and consider declining his offer to reconcile.

Only consider taking a guy back if he's bringing something new to the table and wants to build a future with you.

RELATED: 5 Ways A Break-Up Can Be The Best Thing That Can Ever Happen To You

James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of "A Life of Love" and "Dating Advice for Alpha Women."