10 Signs He's Only Using You For An Ego Boost

Photo: Eugenio Marongiu / Shutterstock
woman taking selfie with a man who is using her for an ego boost

While many people know how to tell if a guy likes you, what do you do when you think he's not being honest? In other words, is he using you for an ego boost or is he genuinely interested in you?

There are a few signs he might be more interested in what you can do for him than actually in getting to know you.

If you're looking to find lasting love, you need to make sure you're familiar with these signals you're being used, so you can spot a self-absorbed man before he wastes your time.

RELATED: 10 Signs He Still Loves His Ex & Is Only Using You As A Diversion

Here are the warning signs he's just using you for an ego boost.

1. He sends you "Good morning!" and "Goodnight!" texts — and that's it.

This guy consistently sends the sweetest texts greeting you in the morning and wishing you sweet dreams at night. You think it’s so nice that he’s thinking of you and letting you know it.

However, if there isn’t much else to his communication, that’s your clue that he’s just into boosting his ego.

Chances are strong he’s texting a bunch of women twice a day to keep you on the line while feeling really good about himself. Doing this makes him feel like a desirable and popular ladies man with all the women on his daily texting list.

Don’t be one of the many hanging around hoping for more from this fellow. If the texting doesn’t get any deeper after a few days, stop responding or block him. Otherwise, this man is just going to waste your time.



2. He pours his heart out to you... by phone.

Some men crave female attention, but they don’t want the responsibility of a true relationship. So how do they manage? It’s easier than you might think.

Men like this find women who have a warm heart and lots of compassion who are willing listen to his troubles and soothe his mind. Many single gals are willing to offer a man this kind of emotional support, thinking, “He must really like me if he's willing to share such personal information with me.”

Sadly, he’s trying to feel better at your expense and isn’t interested in actually dating you. He lifts himself up as you listen attentively and allow him to dump his drama on you.

I’ve heard stories about men who have called for months, building a strong emotional bond. The women who get involved feel like they are having a real relationship, even if they never go on dates or meet face-to-face.

However, if you don’t date, you aren't dating. So while you might satisfy an emotional need this way, you aren't experiencing a true, loving relationship. Don’t get fooled by the man who loves to talk on the phone.

3. He sends you a ton of fun and witty messages. Then nothing. Then more! Then nothing.

You connect with a guy online who sends the most engaging texts. Then suddenly, you hear nothing. Days later he messages again... then nothing.

Communicating is loads of fun, but he remains inconsistent. You’re always happy to hear from him — and sometimes he talks about getting together. Too bad no actual dates materialize.

Once you text a few times but it goes nowhere, stop responding. His inconsistency tells you that he’s not serious about getting to know you. A man who is looking for a relationship wants to see you in person to learn more about you.

Don’t be fooled by the engaging "forever texter" who never takes that next step to ask you out on a date.

RELATED: 7 Signs He's Stringing You Along & Doesn't Want A Relationship

4. He only asks you out every once in a while.

This time you do go out, and you have the most amazing first date. He texted a bit before and after meeting you. You know he enjoyed the date as much as you did. But for whatever reason, he doesn’t call you again for a few weeks.

Then a text shows up again and he asks you on another date, which is just as great as the first one. You think you’re finally getting somewhere with this guy. But he does his disappearing act and doesn’t show up again for several weeks.

What's going on? This is the kind of man who dates around. He had a good time with you, but then he moves on to the other women. Dating multiple women feeds his ego and allows him to feel popular and in demand.

Trouble is, seeing this guy occasionally leaves you wanting more. You end up hanging on wondering what is going on. This is the sign of an emotionally immature man who is more concerned with his ego and seeing how many beautiful women he can date at the same time.

Step out of his line-up and move on to find a guy who is relationship ready.

5. He keeps appearing in — and then disappearing from — your life, making you feel unstable and uncertain.

When you're seeing a guy who is inconsistent and your relationship falls into an on-and-off pattern, that’s a surefire indication that you’re dating a man who likely wants his ego stroked.

He gets together with you because he feels great in your presence. He feels strong, powerful or masculine when he’s around you.

Even if he's attentive and thoughtful, he’s still doing it to boost his own ego. It’s a shame he can’t handle the closeness or has some other emotional availability issue that causes him to pull away.

If you find yourself in an on-again-off-again relationship, the best thing you can do is end it. His erratic behavior will not suddenly heal or improve. It’s a clear signal letting you know he’s not capable of the long-term, lasting love you want.

Let go of this guy. Be strong and free yourself up to look for a man who is ready for the loving relationship you want.



6. He refuses to introduce you to his friends.

It's one thing to take a little time before introducing someone you're serious about to your friends. But honestly, if a guy is serious about you, he'll want to show you off.

Ideally, the friends of the guy you're seeing should know about you at the very least. If a guy likes you, he probably hasn't been able to shut up about you to his friends.

If he invites you to tag along, that's a sign he's interested in taking the relationship further. If he keeps bailing on you during the weekends to hit up his friends, it could be because he's using you for an ego boost.

7. You see other girls flirting with him on social media.

Sometimes you can tell a guy is hitting up multiple women based on their social media presence.

Are random girls commenting "cutttteeee" and "can't wait to see you" on his page? If so, it could be a sign that you are not the only one for him.

RELATED: 15 Signs He's Using You Because He Hates Being Alone

8. He doesn't show interest in you or your life.

Does he know what city you grew up in or what you do for work? Or even worse, have you told him, and he completely forgot?

Not taking an interest in your life is one of the clear warning signs that a guy is using you for attention and doesn't care about getting to know the real you.

Don't feed his ego. Call him out on not asking you about your life or run in the other direction to someone who can show you some human decency.

9. He doesn't call when he says he will.

Wondering whether or not you're being used is enough of a sign that you are used. Seriously, if you were being treated with respect, you wouldn't be sitting at home, twidling your thumbs, wondering, "is he talking to me for an ego boost?"

Trust your intuition and honor your standards.

Want to know the real secret on how to tell if a guy is using you for attention?

If you feel like he is. If you're not 100% sure that he's in it for the long haul, he's probably not.

10. He's not over his ex.

Not all guys are obsessed with their ex post-breakup. But if he just broke up with his long-term partner, you could be a rebound.

Want to know how to stop being an ego boost in this context? Give him some time to process the end of his relationship on his own.

Suggest taking things slow and getting to know each other as friends first.

If he’s genuinely interested in you, taking things slow won’t be a problem for him. But if you hear about him hooking up with someone else the next day, he’s probably just using you for an ego boost.

Remember guys do, sometimes, flirt to boost their ego. Don’t let him get away with it.

RELATED: 7 Can't-Ignore Signs A Man Only Loves You For Your Money

Ronnie Ann Ryan is a love and dating coach for women.