9 Signs Your Relationship Is Over, Done, KAPUT

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Nine Signs Your Relationship is Over

Is it time to end your relationship? Are you ready to make the big decision?

Relationships are complex. Intimate relationships are complex.

At their best, they are meaningful, encouraging, and beautiful. At their worst, they destroy lives. All relationships go through ups and downs.

But when the joy of being together is no longer there, we either need to make changes or end the relationship. This is for those who have tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing seems to be changing.

You've worked so hard to save your relationship! Your family and friends have been after you to leave your partner. But you took your vows seriously and did everything you could to save it.

But, in every breakup, it's hard to let go. It feels overwhelming to envision life on your own whether the relationship has been long or short, especially if you have children. You feel like a failure because you are breaking a promise. You never imagined you would be the one to end the relationship.

You feel alone and fear it will get worse when you are separated. You wonder how it will impact the friendships you've developed as a couple. You wonder how it will impact your children. You ask yourself, "Is this the best decision for my children?"

Most of us go into marriages with the expectation that they will last a lifetime. Sadly, there are still religious groups that condemn people who leave marriages.

If you've done your best to save your marriage, if there was something good to save, you have nothing to be ashamed of. But there comes the moment when it is time to let go so you can find some joy in your life again.

Here are 9 signs that a relationship is over or on its way to ending, so it may be time to end your relationship:

1. You walk on egg shells. 

You feel like you are walking on egg shells. You are always fighting and being given the silent treatment. You haven’t had a good sleep in weeks. The stress is taking a toll on you. Friends, family, and colleagues keep asking you what is wrong, but you are too embarrassed to tell the people in your life.

2. Your children act out.

Your children are acting out even though you've tried so hard to prevent them from knowing that you are having relationship problems. You keep reassuring them even though you know you are lying.

3. Advice from relationship help books don't work.

You have read so many books on relationships, but nothing seems to be working. Your spouse isn’t interested and thinks all these books are silly.  He thinks there is not a problem. He says this is how it was it was with his parents. He keeps telling me just to suck it up. This makes me cry even more.

4. Couples counseling doesn't work.

You try to get your spouse to go to couples counseling, but they're telling you that it's all in your head. You still go but no matter what you try, nothing seems to improve. The stronger you get, the more you realize that you can’t live with this stress much longer.

5. Your friends are worried.

Your best friend tells you over and over that you have a place to come whenever you decide to leave. They tell you how concerned they are for your well-being. They tell you how much they hate seeing you suffer. They keep reminding me that you are not a failure and you will gradually start believing them.

6. You partner is pushing you beyond your limits.

You are pushed beyond your limits. Your partner goes off and buys the latest Quad which you can't afford. You are getting more and more worried that you are going to have difficulty in paying bills. Then, they want to go on a big trip this summer, and you have to keep telling them that you can't afford it.

7. You partner is in denial about their addictions.

You would not call your spouse an alcoholic, but you've always been concerned that they drink too much at times. You notice that they are becoming more and more irritated the more they drink.

You ask them to stop and get help but they won’t listen.

8. You're always sick.

You are getting sick far too often. You have terrible headaches. Your stomach is upset. You feel depressed. You are at your wit's end. Suddenly, your thought about leaving that you've been avoiding is starting to feel like a good idea.

9. You always ask yourself, "Why me?"

You've tried so hard to ignore your intuition. You never thought you would be the one to end the relationship. You are discovering strength and courage within yourself to make the break.

It still feels overwhelming but you know that you will make it through it with the help of friends, family. and professionals.

Are you at the breaking point? Usually, something happens that will make you question whether it is worth trying to save your relationship. If you can relate to a half or more of these 9 points, you may be ready to make that big decision.

Once you make the decision to leave, it feels like a load has come off your back. You can call your best friend to tell them your decision.

You can start the process to leave, deciding that you are going to write a letter to your spouse explaining your reasons for leaving and that you will be find a lawyer and/or mediator to begin the formal separation process.

There is hope.

Surround yourself with all those you need to walk through this process. You will feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. Know that deep within you, you are making the best decision.

Roland Legge offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or you can e-mail him at rolandlegge@relconsultants.com.

This article was originally published at REL Consultants. Reprinted with permission from the author.