How To Know *Exactly* What He Needs In A Relationship, Based On His Enneagram Type

Photo: getty
What He Needs In A Relationship, Based On Your Enneagram Compatibility & Type

The Enneagram test is a great tool to help you deepen your relationship with your man.

Discovering your personality type helps you to become conscious of your behavior — both positive and negative. Once you shine the light on your unconscious, you then have a choice about how you respond to the stresses of life.

Learning about the type of the person you love gives you suggestions as to how you can love them, support them, encourage them, and help to bring out the best in themselves. Most importantly, it can help you to communicate with them better.

Don't know what your partner's Enneagram type is?

All you have to do is have him take the Enneagram test!

Once he determines which of the 9 types he is, you can learn more about your Enneagram compatibility, and how to meet his needs in a relationship.

RELATED: How You Need To Be Loved, Based On Your Enneagram Personality Type

If your special man is not open to studying the Enneagram, you can make an educated guess as to what type he is. But remember this it's only a guess. He's the only person who can truly decide what type he is.

After you've spent time discovering what Enneagram types you both are, here are some suggestions to enhance your relationship with your partner:

1. The Reformer


A post shared by Ashton Whitmoyer-Ober (@enneagramashton) on May 2, 2019 at 8:06pm PDT

If your partner is the Reformer, you can show your love for him by taking an interest in what he's passionate about.

He's probably trying to make your life better. He has a strong sense of the best way to improve our individual lives, and the life of the whole world.

He will appreciate when you take responsibility for your part in the relationship. He will love you when you tell him that you value his advice, and you will bring a smile to his face when you acknowledge his achievements.

In the long run, he will appreciate it when you gently encourage him to lighten up and laugh when he gets uptight.

When he's trying to correct you, remember this is one of the ways he shows his love for you. Encourage him to be gentle with himself — and with you.

At his best, the Reformer partner is faithful, helpful, loyal, conscientious, dedicated, and has a great sense of humor.

At his worst, he can be critical, uncompromising, nit-picking, argumentative, and have a high expectation of others.

2. The Helper

If your partner is the Helper, you can show your love for him by letting him know how much you love him by giving him specific examples of the things you appreciate.

He has a tendency to live vicariously through you. So when you acknowledge his problems with compassion, this will help him to pay attention to his own needs.

Encourage him to take time to care for himself. Let him know how important it is for you to know what his interests and passions are.

Just remember to be gentle when you criticize him. He's emotionally sensitive.

At his best, the Helper will be generous, warm, appreciative, playful and nurturing since he has a natural ability to know what you need. 

At his worst, he's needy, controlling, possessive and insincere.

RELATED: What Is An Enneagram & Which Type Best Describes Your Zodiac Sign

3. The Achiever

If your partner is the Achiever, let him know that you are proud of his achievements — and be specific!

Let him know how you love to be around him. Let him know how good he looks. He's always concerned with how others see him. He will warm up to you when you let him know how much you appreciate all that he does for you.

He appreciates you when you respect his need to work alone. Encourage him to slow down as he's always at risk to be a workaholic. Helping him to keep his environment calm and peaceful is one of the greatest gifts you can give him. 

At his best, the Achiever is playful, creative, energetic, responsible, and giving.

At his worst, he's overly preoccupied with work, self-absorbed, defensive, impatient, and dishonest.

4. The Individualist

If your partner is the Individualist, you can show your love for him by having a heart-to-heart conversation.

Respect him for his particular gifts and skills. He will feel your love for him when you notice his unique gifts of intuition and vision.

If you want to make his day, shower him with compliments — but only as long as you are being honest. Anything that helps him to feel special will uplift his spirit.

When he gets into one of his moods, you can help him by gently encouraging him to come out of it. He will need you to help him to lighten up his life.

At his best, the Individualist is creative, empathic, gentle, playful and witty.

At his worst, he's moody, depressed, angry, self-righteous, emotionally needy and overly critical.

5. The Investigator


A post shared by Ashton Whitmoyer-Ober (@enneagramashton) on Apr 29, 2019 at 7:00am PDT

If your partner is the Investigator, you can show your love for him by talking to him about something he knows a lot about.

Find out what he's passionate about. He will talk with you for hours on these subjects and love every moment.

Give him lots of time to be on his own. He's most likely an introvert and needs alone time to recharge his energy.

If you want to have a conversation with him, give him lots of time to respond back to you. He will appreciate your patience. On that same note, don’t give him too much information. He will love you if you can say things simply and concisely.

At his best, the Investigator is a great observer, teacher, researcher, thinker, kind, perceptive and creative.

At his worst, he's contentious, suspicious, cynical and withdrawn.

6. The Loyalist

If you partner is the Loyalist, he will love you if you listen to him carefully.

Let him know how much you appreciate the effort he makes to keep you both safe, since safety and security are critical to him.

Join him in his interest to make the world a better place. He has a passion for social justice and is always looking for ways to help others, especially those pushed to the fringes of society.

He also has a great sense of humor. Join him in his silliness. But also have compassion for his tendency to be anxious. Re-assure him often that everything is going to be okay as long as you are being honest.

It will help your relationship with him to be direct and clear in all your communication with him. 

At his best, the Loyalist is funny, dependable, hardworking, playful, hopeful, warm, supportive, and honest.

At his worst, he's needy, anxious, insecure, fearful, sarcastic, and controlling.

RELATED: This Is How An Enneagram Personality Test Can Make Your Relationship Better Than Ever

7. The Enthusiast

If your partner is the Enthusiast, he will love you for joining in the many adventures in life.

Don’t dwell too much on the difficulties of life. He would instead have you focus on the good things. If you don’t drag him down, he will be a lot of fun to be with. He doesn’t like dealing with the unpleasant parts of life.

He's the center of any party and loves to have fun. He's always looking for new and exciting experiences, and he will like it if you join him in his many adventures.

Just don’t try to change him! This will backfire. Accept him for who he is, and he will reward you with his attention.

The most significant gift you can give him is affection, companionship, and freedom. If you try to control him, he will disappear out of your life.

At his best, the Enthusiast is fun, playful, energetic, adventurous, outgoing, fun and generous.

At his worst, he's irresponsible, narcissistic, opinionated and distracted. He will have a hard time finishing anything he started.

8. The Challenger


A post shared by Ashton Whitmoyer-Ober (@enneagramashton) on May 1, 2019 at 8:52am PDT

If your partner is the Challenger, you can show your love for him by being honest and upfront with him.

He doesn’t mean to intimidate you. Sometimes his self-confidence comes across as pushy and aggressive. He has a big heart. If you join him in his support for those he sees as the underdog, you will gain his respect and open his heart.

Remember, though, that these same traits make him vulnerable and sensitive. Help him to let go of his emotional wall. Notice and acknowledge his tender side. He will be grateful for your unconditional love.

He often speaks with confidence, but don’t let his loud voice intimidate you. That’s just how he is.

At his best, the Challenger is healthy, courageous, honest, caring, loyal, dependable, generous and supportive.

At his worst, he's demanding, arrogant, uncompromising, and combative.

9. The Peacemaker

If your partner is the Peacemaker, show your love for him by giving him time to respond to your questions and queries.

Show him how much you appreciate knowing what he's thinking. Let him know that you value knowing what interests him. 

Let him know how much you rely on him being upfront and honest with you. Reassure him that your love runs deep, and you won’t allow any conflict from getting in the way of your relationship. 

Tell him how handsome he looks. Hug him, and show emotional affection. He will open his heart up to you.

At his best, the Peacemaker is calm, peaceful, gentle, kind, supportive, loyal and nonjudgmental.

At his worst, he's stubborn, passive-aggressive, overly accommodating, and defensive.

RELATED: The Type Of Relationship Problems You’ll Have With Your Partner, According To Enneagram Type

Roland Legge is an Identity Coach who help people understand what makes them tick through the Enneagram. Visit his website for more information.