9 Ways To Stay Emotionally Healthy When Your Relationship's In Trouble

Here's how to focus on you during hard times in your relationship.

Last updated on Aug 15, 2023

woman enjoying meditation, time with her friends and journaling Jacob Lund via Canva | MART PRODUCTION via Canva | ROMAN ODINTSOV via Canva

During a divorce or working through a troubling relationship, you are facing one of the most difficult times in life.

You feel lonely and abandoned.

How do you choose to live during this chaotic time?

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Here are 9 ways to stay emotionally healthy when your relationship's in trouble:

1. Relax

Spend time each day doing something you enjoy. What hobbies do you have? Do you like to read or listen to music?

Spending time doing an activity that you enjoy helps to relax your muscles and quiet the mind.

2. Diet

Eat good food to keep up your strength. Make eating fun and pleasurable. With all the stress in your life now, it's important to keep the body and mind in good shape with regular meals and nutritious food.

A little comfort food won’t hurt you and might even raise your spirits. You are worth the effort!


3. Meditation

Find a mindfulness practice that feels right for you. It is learning to allow the thoughts of your head to pass by like the credits at the end of a movie rather than get attached to any one of them. This all helps you focus your attention on whatever you are doing instead of getting caught in the fear of the past or the anxiety of the future.  

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4. Journal

Have you reflected on what is important for you in life? This would be a good time to journal on what you need in your life personally, in your relationship, and in your working life.

What do you need to change in your life to make these goals a reality? What needs to change in your relationship for you to live out your dreams? 


5. Active listening

Active listening means giving all our attention to the person we are talking to. One person speaks at a time and at the end, the other person is asked to say what they've heard their spouse say. 

If the one has not heard correctly, it's easy to correct with the spouse clarifying what they had already said. You do this until both people completely understand each other.

6. Communication

Share with your spouse what's going well in your relationship and what's not going well. Using your active listening skills, name the strengths and growing edges in your relationship.

This creates an opportunity to work through the issues to come up with a win-win solution.


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7. Honesty

Let your spouse know what changes you need in your relationship. To be fair to your spouse, you need to let them know, as clearly as possible, the essentials for you to have a happy marriage. It is important to name how you are going to change and be clear about your expectations of your spouse.

8. Friends and family

Who are the people in your life you can be yourself with and who can be honest with you? 

Think of the people who will love you through thick and thin. It lightens the load when we have people to walk with us through the rough times in life.

9. Focus on you

Remind yourself over and over that the only person you can change is yourself. Do not waste your time trying to change others. It never works! But when we change ourselves, people will act differently around us.


Thankfully, there is much you can do to help yourself through the rough times in your relationship. It is all about self-care, honesty with self and partner, excellent communication, and self-awareness. 

The good news is that with support and encouragement, you can move beyond old habits and thoughts into a new paradigm where you can freely express your true self not only as an individual but as a couple.

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Roland Legge is an author, certified spiritual life coach, and teacher of the Enneagram. He helps people connect to their inner selves and find alignment with their highest purpose and values.