Photo: getty
Stop looking for mysterious clues to understand his intentions.
By Orna & Matthew Walters — Written on Aug 14, 2020
What are the signs a man is falling in love? Is the man you're dating showing signs he's falling in love with you?
These questions usually include elaborate details about a particular behavior he has. What does it really mean?
Many men will state upfront that they're not interested in getting married again or that they don’t really want anything serious. Yet, they continue to ask you out on a date.
Contradictions like this can drive women crazy.
The truth is, most men’s behavior is pretty easy to understand. What you see is what you get.
Men don’t tend to be subtle when they're falling in love. If a man is falling for you, it ought to be somewhat obvious. The only place this gets cloudy is in the mind of a woman who has already fallen.
When your heart is invested and you're unsure of where he stands, it becomes really easy to read into all the subtle nuances of his behavior. It can also be extremely frustrating if he hasn’t made his intentions clear.
How do you know if your wishful thinking has clouded your judgment, or if he's truly falling for you?
Here are 5 signs a man is falling in love with you.
1. He goes out of his way for you.
He's not looking for something convenient and easy — he will find the time to see you, despite his busy schedule.
He won’t make a big deal about driving over to your part of town or to your city to take you out on a date. He will fit you into his life, one way or another.
If he's stepping up to show you how handy, smart, and capable he is, he wants to prove to you he's the guy for you. He will make adjustments to fit into your schedule, will go out of his way to do something special for you, and let you know he cares for you.
A client of ours was dating a guy named Phil who often invited her to attend basketball games with him. She likes basketball, so she was happy to go along. However, she shared that she would like more from him, so she learned how to start making requests.
Phil very quickly earned the nickname "Convenient Phil" because as soon she started asking for more from him, Phil disappeared. He was only interested in a relationship that was convenient and fit his interests.
A man who is falling for you will be willing to do what is inconvenient in order to please you.
He will be happy to go out of his way if it means making you happy. He will go out of his way to win your heart, claim you for his own, and take you off the market, so that other men are no longer in the running for your affection.
2. He makes plans with you for the future.
If he's falling for you, he'll make plans to see you several months out. He'll invite you on weekend getaways, scoop up concert or theatre tickets, and plan times to see you far into the future.
If he's vague about the future or unwilling to commit to anything more than two weeks out, he’s probably not falling for you. While he may find you attractive and enjoy your company, he isn’t really looking for something more serious.
Several years ago, we had a client who met her now-husband online while we were coaching her. Early in their dating he had taken note of a band she really liked, and surprised her with tickets to their concert when they were in town months down the road.
Throughout their time dating, he was planning trips abroad with her or asking her to events months into the future. He was showing her that he saw her in his future and wanted to make sure that they had a lot of romantic adventures.
The man who is falling for you includes you in his future and is not just focused on the present. He sees you in his future, so he’ll make plans that include you right alongside him.
3. He pays attention to your likes and dislikes.
He's curious about your desires and preferences, asks about your favorite things, and wants to know if you enjoy particular activities. He’ll also make adjustments to accommodate what you prefer.
Many men think that if they do what worked for other women in the past, then that will work with you, too. But a guy who's falling for you will be curious about you and will want to know how to please you.
Don’t fault the guy who's trying to impress you, but doesn’t know how to. Often times, he's just showing off for you.
We had a client get a call from a guy the day after a first date asking if he had done something wrong, explaining that he wanted to know because he wanted to take her out again.
She replied, “I really like it when a guy is curious about me on a date.” They had a laugh when he realized he had spent the whole date talking about himself.
She gave him another chance, and after a few more dates, he asked if he could bring dinner to her place, along with his guitar to play his songs for her. She said it was the most romantic date she had ever been on.
4. He makes the best efforts to honor your requests.
Oddly enough, most women seem to hold their cards close to their chest. They don’t share what they want from a man, expecting him to just magically know what she may or may not like.
It’s best to speak up about what your preferences are, make requests, and see how he responds. If a man is falling for you, he will make the best efforts to honor your requests.
A guy who just wants some companionship will want you to just go along with whatever he prefers.
This type of man doesn’t pay attention to what you want or like, and just continues to push his agenda. He may have created a fantasy of who he thinks you are and is trying to fit you into his life without paying attention to what is important to you.
One of our clients was dating a man who had moved to another state. She made it clear to him that she had no intention of moving and enjoyed her life where she lived near all of her friends. She wanted a man to share her life in the town she loved.
However, when she would visit him, he would constantly drop hints about his wish that she would move to his new town. He encouraged her to visit him more than he was willing to come to her city.
After she once again made it clear that she wasn’t willing to move, he kept pushing what he wanted, ignoring her requests. He liked the idea of her, but wasn’t really interested in what she wanted.
Making requests allows you to see if a man is interested in what makes you happy, not just what makes him happy.
5. He's moving the relationship forward.
He's not just limping along or staying stagnant in casual dating mode — he'll drive the relationship forward.
He may ask that you two go exclusive or introduce you to his family, children, or close friends.
You'll never have to ask the man who is falling for you, "Where is this going?" because he’s showing you every step of the way.
Don’t settle for a man who likes to be with you, but is comfortable where things are.
Wishful thinking on your part will make excuses for bad behavior, for a man not making you a priority, or to be too accommodating and not speaking up as your authentic self.
If you find yourself twisting into a pretzel trying to earn a man’s love, you’re in trouble. You won’t be able to twist yourself up forever.
If you want a man to fall for you, it's important to win his love by inspiring him to step up for you to be the best version of himself.
Men value what they have to work for. If you’re always accommodating and available, it may get you some time with a guy that you like, but not the lasting loving partner you desire.
You can hope that he likes you, but don’t allow that hope to give too much slack to a stranger you’re just getting to know.
More for You:
Orna and Matthew Walters have been soulmate coaches for over a decade and helped thousands of readers create long-lasting love. Download a complimentary copy of their ebook, Recognizing Mr. Right, along with a guided program on self-acceptance from their website.
This article was originally published at Creating Love On Purpose. Reprinted with permission from the author.