Photo: Deyan Georgiev | nomadsoulphotos | Canva
Your soulmate wouldn't treat you like this.
By Nancy Nichols — Last updated on Dec 02, 2023
I've known plenty of women who have fallen instantly and hopelessly in love with their soulmates — myself included. We gave ourselves passionately and eternally to these soulmates — only to find out later that he is a demon.
Women often believe that a "soulmate" means they have found their ultimate romantic partner. They meet a man with compatible emotional traits merged with harmonious, combustible pheromones and kaboom! — soulmates are born.
You’ve never felt such an overwhelming emotional, intellectual, and physical affinity. He feels like your husband, your lover, your father, and your best friend all rolled into one person. It’s as if you knew him in another life and fate has reunited you. He "completes" you, you say. The emotional bond is spiritual. The physical intimacy is rapturous. It feels too good to be true.
This ideal man tells you that he has never met anyone like you before; that you are the most wonderful, beautiful woman that has ever been in his life, and that he will love you until the day he dies.
The problem is — not all soulmates are emotionally healthy individuals.
Six months later, maybe a year, an abusive, lying, raging alien emerges from the body of the sweetest, most loving man you’ve ever known. It seems like a bad dream.
You discover that your soulmate is cheating with other women online. His evening cocktails have turned into belligerent drinking episodes and he criticizes and ridicules you in front of others. Or maybe he’s stopped being intimate with you and withholds emotional intimacy. So abrupt is his transformation, it's as if you went to bed one night and awoke the next morning with a total stranger.
How can this be? How can a man who pledges his consummate, undying devotion to you treat you so badly?
Listen! Not every soulmate is capable of a long-term loving, supportive, honest relationship. He may be a generous provider and the greatest communicator that's ever crossed your path. He may curl your toes in the bedroom. He may tell you that if he ever lost you he would never get over you — that’s why it's so hard to comprehend how he can also hyper-criticize you, cheat on you, blame and manipulate you, verbally abuse you, and even physically assault you.
Soulmates are magnetically drawn together because of similar emotional patterns. (That’s not always a good thing!)
A person’s dysfunctional upbringing and hurtful past experiences mold them into maladjusted adults. Corrupt soulmates subconsciously seek a partner whose flawed mentality jives with their warped behavior. It’s a unique emotional attraction.
A misogynist is drawn to a woman who represents his hypercritical, controlling mother. A codependent woman will bond with a man who personifies her emotionally detached, abusive, alcoholic father. A narcissistic man will instinctively seek out a naive, insecure woman who will tolerate his alcoholism, infidelity, and verbal and physical abuse.
Emotionally handicapped soulmates intuitively understand each other's flaws and they are oddly comfortable with a partner’s unhealthy and destructive behavior. A woman, who witnessed her father verbally and physically abuse her mother, may innately know that her boyfriend’s or husband’s abuse is wrong, but his behavior is familiar and quasi-acceptable to her.
In other words, a levelheaded man won't feel magnetically drawn to a woman who is clingy and desperate, drinks excessively, and is overall mentally unstable.
The problem with loving a malfunctioning, abusive soulmate is — it’s extremely difficult (for some women, impossible) to end a relationship or marriage with your kindred spirit.
Soulmate relationships are known for their passion: An irrational emotion; hence, your blind love for him. He lies to you, he cheats on you or he verbally or physically batters you. You know he is slowly destroying you and you finally get the courage to leave him — but your soulmate’s tearful pleas and monetary bribes draw you back into his harmful relationship. You can’t seem to permanently walk away from the man who has held your heart in his hand — because you feel soul-tied.
If you've met your true soulmate (a man who will add value to your life) there are no games. A true soulmate DOES NOT manipulate and control you, lie to you, or cheat on you. No matter how intense your partner’s feelings are for you, a true soulmate does not verbally or physically abuse you. Never! No way! No how!
Photo: Katerina Holmes/Pexels
When you are with an emotionally stable soulmate, there is no deception. There is no maltreatment. There is no reprisal because honesty, selflessness, and unconditional love are the foundation upon which an honest, loving relationship is built.
If you are in a relationship with a "soulmate" who is dysfunctional, deceptive, and abusive, maybe you should consider this: Your relationships will never improve until you clean up the harmful emotional patterns that led you to a destructive relationship. It’s the law of attraction; two malfunctioning people come together to create a defective relationship — it’s just that his stuff seems worse than your own.
If you leave him, never look back because a soulmate, abusive or not, is like a powerful addictive drug; the only way to permanently break the destructive influence he has over you is to bite the bullet, block his phone and emails, and never communicate with him again. If he is a pathological liar, forget about getting the truth out of him because you’ll never get closure.
Lastly, I believe everyone deserves forgiveness, and healing is possible for those who TRULY want it. If your emotionally impaired soulmate is willing to get counseling, get sober, and take meds — then hip hip hurrah! Otherwise, you may need to consider your life without him in it.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.
If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
More for You:
Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating, and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.