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A psychologist explains the most meaningful bond a couple can share.
By Carmen Harra — Written on Oct 14, 2022
Intimacy isn’t restricted to physical contact. It includes bonding of the mind and spirit, too.
Chemistry brings two people together, but emotional intimacy keeps them together.
In fact, emotional intimacy is much more profound than physical intimacy because it delves into your loved one’s fears and hopes, reaching the essence of who they are. It is knowing what your partner needs before they even ask — feeling their emotions, needs, and desires as if they were your own.
There is something so simple yet so powerful about knowing your partner this deeply.
Six actions that can deepen your emotional intimacy and build a life-long bond
1. Remain aware
Being consistently aware of your partner is key. Maintain a sense of intimacy by paying attention to how he’s behaving on a day-to-day basis. What’s bothering him? What can you do to relieve his worries? Recognize what it is that your partner needs most from you in that given moment — is it to be nurtured or left alone?
Make tiny sacrifices that mean the world to him, like cooking his favorite meal after a hard day. A couple that’s in sync vibrates together spiritually, even if the partners are apart physically.
2. Engage in quality conversation
Anyone can communicate, but not everyone can communicate effectively. Hold mindful dialogues with your partner. Complain less and ask more. Ask questions that are important to your partner to help him open up, but don’t make the conversation seem like an interview.
Ask one relevant question, then let him talk as much (or as little) as he wants. He may be trying to tell you how something makes him feel but may have trouble conveying it.
Listen to his choice of words and his hesitation at certain moments. Such actions reveal his subconscious state of mind.
Consider the caliber of your conversations: Are you speaking enough, and if so, what is the basis of your talks? Are you reaching helpful conclusions together or harmful conclusions against each other?
The right kind of speech offers a new perspective and moves you closer to a resolution. When all else fails, simply ask, “How are you feeling today?” or, “How do you feel about (subject)?”
3. See it together
You can develop emotional intimacy with your partner through daily activities like joint visualizations. With time, this will help you grow closer. Many people use visualization exercises to motivate themselves in the real world.
Chances are you already do this with your partner whenever you plan or envision your future together.
Take it one step further. Hold your partner’s hand and take turns speaking your dreams into existence. You can say things like, “I see us walking into our new home. It’s a brick house with a garden in front,” or whatever it is you both want to achieve.
Make it a nightly or weekly habit. Joint visualizations inspire you to work toward shared goals.
4. Reinforce your love
Never underestimate the power of the spoken word to reinforce love. When you tell your partner you love him, mean it, and demonstrate the passion behind your words. This means speaking a full and excited “I love you” instead of a hurried “love ya.”
Reiterate his value in your life. Hold your partner close and experience every inch of his being: smell his hair, feel his bare back, and hear his heartbeat.
Close your eyes and tell him what he means to you. Compliment and empower him.
Don’t overthink your words; simply speak from the seat of your soul.
5. Pay attention to body language
Watch your partner’s body language as you speak. Pay attention to his breathing, when he sighs, if he crosses his legs, where he holds his hands, etc. Most movements are subconscious, but every single one is for a reason.
When you note small movements, you can decipher your partner’s comfort level and figure out what makes him feel uneasy. In time, you can come to know what your partner is thinking just by watching the way he holds himself.
It also helps to make eye contact to magnify your connection. There may be times when you want to avoid looking your partner in the eye, like when he’s made you upset. Even in these moments, keep in mind that nothing is as effective at conveying (or betraying) sentiments as eye contact. Words may reach the brain, but a glance trickles down to the soul.
Practice looking your partner in the eye when you address him to heighten the potency of your words.
6. Keep love alive
It’s easy to become emotionally immune to our partner as monotony sets in and boredom strikes. Scientifically speaking, dopamine levels in the brain drop as we get used to a person.
Most couples simply stand by and allow the spark of their relationship to die out or look for it elsewhere, partly because they believe there’s nothing they can do. But with the right actions, both partners can reignite the romantic fire so that it burns even more strongly than in the beginning.
Feelings of exhilaration can be rekindled through new and old activities. Push your partner and yourself out of your comfort zones.
To start, go back to the beginning and do something you loved to do in the first few months of your relationship. Leave the cell phones at home and communicate throughout the activity.
Then, try something completely new, something you’ve always wanted to try but perhaps haven’t had time. There are no excuses for not doing whatever it takes to keep love alive.
Far surpassing physical intimacy, emotional intimacy fosters durability, harmony, and stability between partners. Use these secrets to establish the foundation for a strong and close relationship.
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Dr. Carmen Harra is a renowned intuitive psychologist, relationship expert, radio show host, and TV personality. She is the author of the best-selling book, Everyday Karma.