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Is he emotionally intelligent?
By Meredith Deasley — Written on Oct 04, 2019
If you're looking for love, you're probably swiping through a ton of online dating profiles. If so, you'll want to know the red flags that someone has low emotional intelligence and wellness. Pay attention to these red flags both online and on the first date to weed out those who are not emotionally well.
The more emotional intelligence you have, the more emotionally well you are, which means the more likely you'll attract and hold onto an emotionally well long-term partner.
Now, there are a few steps you might take in order to find an emotionally well long-term partner. You might begin by going online and looking at their dating profile; then you might write them by text or email.
Next, you may speak to them on the phone, and, if all of that goes beautifully, you will likely be meeting them for a first date.
Here are 15 red flags you should look for before you meet, during your date, and after you've started dating to make sure that your date is "emotionally well" before you get too involved:
1. They don't have a profile picture, or it's too obscure to make out the image
If an individual has no picture of themselves on their profile, this is usually an indication they are hiding something.
They might be newly separated, or feel they are unattractive, neither of which bodes well for emotional wellness!
Trust me, it is only a select few who are executives needing to hide their identity.
2. They emphasize how "honest" they are in their profile
Anyone who needs to say they are honest when describing themselves, particularly if they have made the word part of their user name, is a person whose had challenges with honesty in the past.
No one needs to state they are loyal, kind, or in possession of any trait that everyone has when they are emotionally well if they're not struggling with it.
3. They mostly share photos of fancy/expensive belongings
Individuals showing pictures of their homes, cars, motorcycles or other external means of gratification in their profile may not be fully aware of their own greatness.
They believe they need to entice a partner in this way, which means they could be struggling to find positive traits in themselves to emphasize.
This could be a sign of not having emotional intelligence and not knowing how to truly connect with a person.
4. Their profile is either trying too hard or too revealing
Someone who is flexing their muscles or is scantily clad in their pictures is focussing on their external appearance or sexuality, which means they put less effort into making an emotional connection.
This is not a strong indication of being emotionally well!
5. They repeat key sentences of their profile over and over
Anyone repeating thoughts in their profile is clearly demonstrating their priority or showing you an area of their life where they are struggling in. Or perhaps they're just really forgetful!
For example, if someone states over and over how important their children are, they might be having a challenge finding enough time to have a romantic relationship. They're letting you know that their kids take up a large portion of their time.
The same can be said of someone who talks a lot about traveling, their work, or other events. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, if you share those interests, but it does mean they may prioritize that topic over you or an emotionally well, connected relationship.
6. They send you naked or revealing picture of themselves
They are likely more interested in having sex with you than being with you mentally and emotionally.
The same goes for if they ask you for similar pictures. Sending pictures like this is so commonplace today that you might be confused as to whether this is acceptable.
If you're looking to have an emotional connection with someone and not just a fling, this is a red flag for having no emotional intelligence or wellness.
7. They text you so often that it's interfering with your life
This is clearly not a sign they are emotionally well. Talking to each other when you first meet is normal and fun! But if they're texting so much that you're glued to your phone, this could be a problem.
And conversely, if there's always a large delay in them responding to your texts, without an explanation, they may be playing games, which again, is not a sign of being emotionally available.
8. They delay speaking to you over the phone
Texting anyone more than a few times before setting up a phone call can raise both parties’ hopes unnecessarily.
Speaking on the phone is the very best way to read another’s energy and determine if there is chemistry before arranging the first date.
If they're putting off a phone call but always available to text, there could be a problem.
9. They're incredibly self-absorbed
Your potential date is more interested in talking about themselves, bragging or lamenting over past hurts than in talking to you or determining how you both might connect.
People with emotional intelligence understand that connection will come from both of you sharing — not just one!
10. They won't meet you in person or constantly cancel or reschedule last minute
There is always an excuse as to why they can’t meet you in person – if it takes a long time to arrange a first date, how will the rest of your relationship fare?
Keep in mind that if you are not excited to meet the person you are talking to by the end of a phone call, there is no need to go on a date with him or her, even if there are no other red flags!
11. Their profile picture is much different than their current appearance
Your date’s profile didn't contain pictures that are current or representative of their true essence. They're older, heavier, or less attractive than their pictures, or perhaps look nothing like their pictures at all.
Tricking people with pictures or words is a recipe for disaster for any emotionally healthy relationship.
No one is perfect, but if anyone pretends to be perfect, this is a big red flag.
12. They're focused on telling you what they're not looking for in a relationship
Your date tells you what they don’t want instead of what they are looking for ... if they say they don’t want drama, they're actually attracting drama with that statement!
You might actually find there is a lot of drama in their life, and that's not a good place for any emotionally well relationship.
13. They move way too fast in the first couple of dates
They tell you they love you, discuss wanting to marry/live with you, or heavily compliment you on the first few dates. Real feelings take some time to develop; neediness is not a sign of emotional wellness.
14. They press you for sex very early on
If they tell you they want to sleep with you on this first date, it sounds fun and exciting, but it is not a sign that your date is emotionally well.
Sorry to be a downer! An emotional connection needs time to build without the confusion of great sex. If they're only interested in a physical connection, then you're not likely going to have a deep emotional one.
15. They're overly critical of their ex or past relationships
If they criticize their ex or take no responsibility for the end of their prior relationship, they're probably not emotionally intelligent enough to have true insight into the relationship.
Anyone that is criticizing others is choosing the wrong way to make themselves look good. Remember, you want your partner to take responsibility for their part in things that go wrong with you.
Please don’t fret if it is taking you a while to meet the love of your life. The longer you take to meet your life partner, the longer you can work on coming to love yourself. This means the more likely you'll attract someone who's been doing the same!
Aim for having a long-term relationship with people who love themselves to the same degree you do.
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Meredith Deasley is a certified life coach, registered holistic nutritionist and expert in spiritual vitality. If you are ready for a more in-depth exploration of your relationships, love life, nutritional, emotional or spiritual wellness, including your past lives, you can contact her for your individualized consultation.