People Who Seem Nice While Quietly Scamming You Do These 3 Things On A Regular Basis
Three habits that make deception look like kindness.
James Reyes | Canva One of life's most important lessons is learning that not everyone who appears helpful and kind has your best interests at heart. Some individuals are skilled at presenting themselves as trustworthy while gradually working to exploit your generosity and vulnerabilities. These people are often referred to as catfishers.
Understanding these patterns helps you protect yourself without losing your natural inclination to see the best in people and form meaningful connections with those who truly deserve your trust.
People who seem nice while quietly scamming you regularly do these 3 things:
1. Send you pictures that seem too good to be true
One of the first things you should check is the pictures they’re sending you. An inexperienced catfish will make the mistake of using a celebrity’s photograph.
Let’s be real, that’s not Timothée Chalamet chatting to you with a fake name. If you recognize someone on a dating app as being even slightly famous, proceed with caution, as there is no guarantee that it is them (it’s very unlikely).
Some even take pictures from a stock image-sharing site. They will then add something like “model” to their bio in an attempt to get away with a selection of obviously posed shots. Use a reverse image search to see if you can find the pictures used elsewhere — perhaps on the profile of the real person in the photos.
An article by the FBI explained that scammers use fake profiles and images to create a believable facade, often aiming to establish a sense of authority or personal connection. By presenting attractive or appealing images, they seek to bypass initial skepticism and build rapport with potential victims.
2. Talk with you in a way that just feel ... off
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Sometimes, you can catch someone who’s catfishing you simply by the way they chat online. Trust your gut instincts — if you think a person is sending messages that don’t match up, then you should become suspicious.
It might be something like they claim to be highly educated on their profile, but they only use chatspeak and incorrect grammar when typing. You should also look for generic or vague answers to specific questions.
For example, one of their pictures might feature a place you have been to. When you try to question them about it to see if you have any shared experiences, you get back answers that don’t make any sense.
Or, they may avoid answering certain questions altogether. If something doesn’t seem right, you should become suspicious.
A sudden or unexplained shift in language, tone, or even vocabulary can indicate that the person you're interacting with is not who they claim to be, or is working with others who adopt different communication styles. According to a 2019 study, scammers, especially those working in teams or managing multiple targets, may struggle to maintain a consistent persona and story across different interactions or even within the same conversation.
3. Never want to meet face-to-face
One of the biggest indicators that you are dealing with a person who’s catfishing you is that they don’t want to meet in person. They might be fine with chatting on the phone, but excuse after excuse comes up as soon as you try to suggest meeting up.
This is an even bigger problem when they also refuse to video chat or even use Snapchat. This indicates that they probably aren’t the person in the pictures they’re using online.
They may even go so far as to stand you up if you do manage to arrange a meeting. When you confront them, they will be full of apologies and excuses, ready to reel you back in.
Scammers often love bomb and create an intense emotional connection online to gain trust. A 2018 study explained that the refusal to meet in person can be explained by fabricated stories of travel, overseas work, or emergencies, further playing on the victim's empathy and desire for the relationship to progress.
What to do if you suspect a scammer, then? Do you think that the person you have been chatting to is, in fact, a scammer? There are several things you can do to confirm your suspicions.
One thing, which many people do not often think about, is a background check. The best background check will be able to discreetly see if what they’re telling you is the truth.
If you find out that you’ve been the victim of a scam, you should report the profile(s) to the websites or apps you used to contact them. This will make it more difficult for them to take advantage of others in the future. Online dating is difficult, and we so often want to believe the people we are talking to.
However, we need to remain vigilant for people who might not be who they say they are. Always remember, if someone seems too good to be true, then they probably are.
The best thing you can do is focus on cultivating your offline life through hobbies, volunteering, and more. This way, you’ll create a full life for yourself while also meeting people (and potentially romantic partners) with similar interests.
Unwritten is a site covering relationships, dating, and love.
