6 Reasons Why Women Cheat (And How To Keep It From Happening To You)

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6 Reasons Why Women Cheat (And How to Avoid it)
Heartbreak

Women are cheating more ... but men's cheating stays the same. Why?

Cheating destroys relationships because it destroys trust. Yes, it is possible to regain trust and repair a relationship after an affair but it is difficult and takes lots of hard work. 

While a few relationships become stronger afterward, many are more fragile and many more just don’t survive the breach of trust and that intense betrayal.

A lot of attention in blogs, the media, and advice columns is paid to men who cheat, the reasons why they cheat, how to spot a cheater, and how to avoid a cheater. Far less attention is paid to women who cheat.   

Esther Perel’s new book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelityhighlights that since 1990, the rate for cheating in women has increased by 40 percent but the rate for men has remained stable. 

With this increase, it is more important than ever to know why women cheat so we can find ways to prevent it. Here are the top 7 reasons why women cheat:

1. They find married life smothering and boring. 

Even in the 21st century, women are expected to a lot of the work in marriage. They are often still the keepers of the emotional life in a marriage, expected to raise emotional issues and to fix things when issues arise. 

Women also still do most of the awful repetitive work that keeps life ticking over day to day. They do the thankless tasks like the cleaning, washing of clothing, ironing, and running the countless errands that need to be run in modern life. 

They are in charge of organizing the social life of the family and often feel that men are like children they have to pick up after, clean up after and nag to get them going. 


RELATED: 3 Major Reasons Why Women Cheat — And What Each One Means For You


2. Their pleasure needs are not being met in the marriage.

Many marriages, particularly long-standing ones, experience sexless periods. In some relationships, people have never had their pleasure needs met. 

Maybe they were unable to express their needs clearly, maybe their partner did not understand the expressed needs, maybe the partner did not really pay attention to their need, or perhaps their needs changed over time. 

If you are not sexually compatible with your partner, you are more likely to cheat with someone you are compatible with.

3. They have a higher sex drive than their partner. 

This can be difficult to negotiate and is one reason that women say they look outside their committed relationship.

4. They desire multiple relationships...

...but aren’t comfortable with the idea of a non-monogamous lifestyle.

They feel that they can't manage the negotiation involved or they do not think their partner will agree and they don’t want to leave their committed relationship.

5. They feel emotionally distant from their partner. 

They may have created an emotional connection with another person as a result. 

Often when women are emotionally intimate they also want to be physically intimate. If someone listens to all of your worries and concerns, you are more likely to find them attractive.

7. Their partners cheated first. 

This is not as popular a reason but still, a proportion of women do cheat to get back at their partner for doing the same.


RELATED: The Top 3 Reasons Why Women Cheat On The Men They Love


How can cheating be avoided in the first place? 

  • Learn your own desires. 
    When you know what makes you tick, what turns you on, it is easier to create a sexual relationship with your partner that will fulfill your desires. It isn’t a guarantee as you have to be able to communicate your desires to your partner, your partner has to be willing to listen and then willing to explore and fulfill your desires.  Learning yourself is the starting place.
  • Get good at communicating your desires, wants, needs, and also your limits. 
    If you can communicate, you can get your needs met. If you cannot communicate, you haven’t a real chance of getting them met. As one of my mentors has always said, "Closed mouths do not get fed." You have to ask to get. 
  • Work with your partner to make sure that you are not in a relationship where you are playing the ‘mommy’ role. 
    That type of role is often one of the quickest ways to destroy a sexual relationship. If you have been a relationship for a long time and this has been the pattern, it may be harder to break than you expect. You may need some coaching or therapy in order to blast the pattern and form new ones. It is easiest if you don’t get into this pattern at all if possible but it can be very difficult.
    There are situations in which it is necessary for a woman to take this type of role for a while. 
  • Is polyamory or non-monogamy a possibility? If so, figure out why you are avoiding this. 
    Often, women avoid this because they dread more conversations in which they are the keeper of the emotions. Take the time to learn to negotiate with your partner and make sure to hammer out a structure and set of rules before opening the relationship up if at all possible. I have an online program to help people create a structure and an agreement.
  • Take responsibility for your feelings and your displeasure in the relationship.
     
    If you are angry, acknowledge that and work on resolving the anger. If there has been past betrayal in the relationship, get some couples coaching or therapy to resolve the outstanding issues instead of compounding them further by having an affair. 
  • If you are truly not sexually compatible, address this directly. 
    Polyamory may be a solution to keep your relationship going but if that isn’t the possibility, look at separating with dignity and care. Be honest with yourself and be ethical in your relationship with your partner. Ultimately, it feels better.
  • If you have just settled into a rut or a routine, make the time to break out of that. 
    Make time together to talk. Make time for having fun together. There are lots of ways to bring a spark back or to provide a spark where none has been before.
  • Finally, if the relationship is really not going to work, find your courage and end it. 
    Deception is never beneficial to a relationship and is almost always found out. If you cannot make an above-board agreement about sex with other people, lying rarely works well for anyone. 

RELATED: 7 Honest Reasons Why Women Cheat (Hint: It's Probably Not Your Fault)


Dr. Lori Beth is a sex & intimacy coach and psychologist who works with individuals, couples and polyamorous groups to help them explore sexuality, explore kink and BDSM, recreate a healthy sexual identity after trauma as well as deepen their awareness and understanding about intimate relationships. Book a discovery session to see how she can help you create a lasting sizzling authentic sexual life. 

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